Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paying for bestmans suit

63 replies

montymum · 14/07/2014 20:59

Dh is bestman at mutual friends wedding in August. We are good friends with both bride and groom and the groom was dh best man when we got married. This weekend they brought round a suit for dh to try on, which he did and then announced he would need to pay £130 for it.
They then went on to mention matching shoes, shirts and cufflinks, that he would also need to pay for. ( Bride said I would like you all to have matching shoes) They did say they would provide a button hole. They have choosen to buy rather than hire and want all members of the bridal party to wear the same.

Aibu to be annoyed by this. Firstly we paid for the hire of bestman suit at our wedding. Secondly this suit is in a style and colour that dh can not easily reuse for work.

Dh has said he will just pay it . They are good friends and I agree it is not worth falling out over but I just want to vent. It isn't even as if they mentioned this when they asked dh to be bestman but left it to a month before. Dh has said he might say he is unwilling to buy new shoes when he has shoes already in the correct colour so we will see how that goes down!

OP posts:
NuggetofPurestGreen · 14/07/2014 21:05

Of course he shouldn't pay.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 14/07/2014 21:05

More fool him if he does.

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 21:16

I know we should say something but groom has been a friend for decades and I am pretty sure this isn't his idea. We are considering saying that this will be instead of a wedding present but wouldn't have been spending £200 on a wedding present. I know I can't complain if unwilling to confront them about it but it is still winding me up.

OP posts:
creampie · 14/07/2014 21:18

It seems a bit unfair to spring this on him if he wasn't aware he would have to buy a suit. This is the first time I've heard of buying the grooms party's suits. It seems much more common to hire them, and the B&G usually pay then.

If you're happy to pay, then pay, but it WBU to refuse I don't think.

creampie · 14/07/2014 21:19

Sorry, *would not be unreasonable

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 21:23

He wouldn't mind hiring a suit (both he and the groom did this for another friends wedding insread of a present but this was £60 and mentioned at time of asking to be bestman)or even buying one of his choice that he could actually use again. I just feel if you are being so specific about all looking the same then you buy it!

OP posts:
zazie7 · 14/07/2014 21:24

This is ridiculous, YADNBU. If they had said when they asked him to be best man that would be one thing but a month before the wedding?!

When I got married we didn't have the money to pay for suits for the best man/ushers so we asked them if they would wear suits they already owned and we just provided ties and button holes. They were more than happy to do this, it mean they didn't match but it still looked fine.

If you want to dictate what someone else wears at your wedding you should also pay for it, whether bridesmaids, best man, whatever. The shoes/shirt/cufflinks are even worse, if shoes and shirt are the same colour no-one is going to look close enough to realise they aren't exactly the same.

Oriunda · 14/07/2014 21:27

We paid for the (hire of) morning suits for our fathers, best men and ushers. Your DH should not have to pay. At the very least he should be able to wear his own choice of shirt, shoes and accessories and have input into the suit so he can wear again.

I would say you don't have the money to buy and where can you hire the same suit, or your DH needs a sensible chat with the groom without the bride nearby.

ENormaSnob · 14/07/2014 21:28

Yanbu

AnythingNotEverything · 14/07/2014 21:28

I think the etiquette is that if the B&G insist on something, them the B&G pay! Slightly different for shoes which tend to be a bit more negotiable, bit I don't think it's right he should have to pay out so much.

Although saying that, DH had to pay to hire a suit last year for a wedding the week before my due date because the happy couple didn't have money in the budget for suits for the groomsmen ... But managed a £4k honeymoon Confused

Maybe times have changed.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/07/2014 21:33

Yanbu the B&G should pay if they want your dh to be bestman. What exactly are they paying for, your dh is expected to pay The lot! What if he could not afford to! How cheeky and rude!

Purplepoodle · 14/07/2014 21:37

I certainly would not be buying a wedding present - bloody cheeky

Hassled · 14/07/2014 21:39

Is there no chance he could still secretly hire it? Does he know which shop it came from - they may well be prepared to hire it out. Would bride and groom need to know?

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 21:46

I don't know about hiring I don't think it has come from a shop that offers hiring. Dh says it is a nice suit actually but won't be at all useful after the wedding because of the colour.

OP posts:
Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 21:52

I am glad that I am not being unreasonable though. Was feeling that perhaps it was the done thing these days a lot could have changed in the 4 years since I got married. They are getting married locally so there is no cost for hotels etc which we have had for other weddings so think we will just grin and bear it.

OP posts:
Mim78 · 14/07/2014 21:58

We saved a lot of money at our wedding by just letting all men wear their own suits!

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 21:59

They are saving a lot of money too!

OP posts:
RitaConnors · 14/07/2014 22:01

Yanbu. If they want him to wear something specific then they should pay for it. Could you tell them they it is considered far posher for people to wear their own suits, shoes etc. for weddings? Making people have matching ones (especially shoes) makes everything look hired.

Gillian1980 · 14/07/2014 22:02

Yanbu.
We paid for the suits for our 2 best men. We looked at renting but the ones we liked were only available to buy.
We wouldn't expect the best men to pay that out and so we worked it into the budget.

If they are skint and need people to buy their own outfits, it should be made clear from the outset and they shouldn't make it so expensive.

OddFodd · 14/07/2014 22:04

God - what colour is it?!

I agree with you. I also think that no one will actually notice their shoes/cufflinks or any of the other petty details

MildDrPepperAddiction · 14/07/2014 22:05

They abu. We paid for bestman's suit and shoes for our wedding as we were the ones 'dictating' the style/colour etc. You shouldn't have to pay.

ZacharyQuack · 14/07/2014 22:05

What colour is it? (Please say that it's baby blue and the shirt has ruffles)

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 22:10

I would happily pay myself to see dh wear that zacharyquake. Colour is not horrible it is a bluey grey but not something dh would wear to the office. Have persuaded dh to put his foot down on shoes and shirt etc.

OP posts:
PrincessOfChina · 14/07/2014 22:11

We bought suits (Next, cost about £150 each including waistcoats and ties) for our Best Man, 3 ushers and my brother (who gave me away) and asked that they wore plain white shirts and black shoes (which we didn't pay for).

I thought that given it was our choice, we should pay!

5OBalesofHay · 14/07/2014 22:12

I wouldn't be falling out over a couple of hundred quid

Swipe left for the next trending thread