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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paying for bestmans suit

63 replies

montymum · 14/07/2014 20:59

Dh is bestman at mutual friends wedding in August. We are good friends with both bride and groom and the groom was dh best man when we got married. This weekend they brought round a suit for dh to try on, which he did and then announced he would need to pay £130 for it.
They then went on to mention matching shoes, shirts and cufflinks, that he would also need to pay for. ( Bride said I would like you all to have matching shoes) They did say they would provide a button hole. They have choosen to buy rather than hire and want all members of the bridal party to wear the same.

Aibu to be annoyed by this. Firstly we paid for the hire of bestman suit at our wedding. Secondly this suit is in a style and colour that dh can not easily reuse for work.

Dh has said he will just pay it . They are good friends and I agree it is not worth falling out over but I just want to vent. It isn't even as if they mentioned this when they asked dh to be bestman but left it to a month before. Dh has said he might say he is unwilling to buy new shoes when he has shoes already in the correct colour so we will see how that goes down!

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/07/2014 22:12

Seriously, what gets into people's heads that they even think it's okay to behave like this. What utter nonsense, embarassing and stressing your friends over bloody matching suits

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 14/07/2014 22:16

YANBU.
We didn't pay for the best mans suit, or shirt or shoes - but we did not dictate what he wore. We asked if he had a nice suit, and what colour it was he said black (he had bought it for another wedding) and we said if you have a white shirt that would be great, which he did. We then bought him a purple tie to match DH's and a button hole, and that was it. We were happy, and so was the best man. It cost him nothing (as he already had them) and cost us very little.
Demanding someone pay so much is not on at all, especially as he got no say in choosing the suit.

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 22:22

50 I have no plans in falling out over it but a couple of hundred quid in the middle of the holidays is annoying especially at short notice. They are good friends just think that one brown shoe is much the same as the next and if they really want all to have matching then dh shouldn't have to pay when he has a perfectly good pair of smart brown shoes already.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 14/07/2014 22:23

Why do people get so obsessed about weddings, is this a groomzilla?

So glad I had a tiny wedding with just five guests, an outfit I could easily wear again and DH just wore his smartest suit.

5OBalesofHay · 14/07/2014 22:23

Why doesn't he just wear his own morning dress? It's always acceptable.

fluffymouse · 14/07/2014 22:38

If paying towards hire was discussed in advance and the couple were short of money then I would think fair enough.

But asking someone to buy a suit they have no say in without any warning is very poor form.

Is the friend usually like this?

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 22:42

No he isn't. Dh said he think they noticed he was surprised when they mentioned him paying.

OP posts:
Yambabe · 14/07/2014 22:45

Blue-grey suit and brown shoes? Ugh, are they colourblind?

Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 22:47

I have to say as much as I like the bride she is probably the one who has decided who is wearing what etc. Dh will probably have a chat with groom on his own at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
montymum · 14/07/2014 22:48

Yambabe I am probably not describing it very well. Bride has good taste I am sure it is lovely. Just not something dh would choose to buy.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 14/07/2014 22:51

We paid for suit hire etc for our wedding 4 years ago.

I wouldn't have asked people to buy clothes they won't wear again.

Loopylala7 · 14/07/2014 22:59

thefw.com/bridezilla-email/?trackback=fbshare

Is this the bride OP? YANBU. I mean, maybe if he could get good use of the suit fine, or if they asked for a reasonable contribution, but to expect him to buy the suit outright and specific shoes and shirt too?! are they having a laugh. This is the sort of information you don't spring on somebody, especially so close to the big day. They should of mentioned it sooner. Rude.

backwardpossom · 14/07/2014 23:02

YANBU

Seriously, wtf? Surely that's no different to telling your bridesmaids to buy their dresses?

FriendlyAmoeba · 15/07/2014 00:44

Our wedding party paid for their outfits, but they were reasonably priced. We couldn't afford 10 outfits, but they could each buy their own without much trouble.

However, we told them ahead of time they would have to buy their own stuff, we didn't spring it on them.

I thought it was fairly normal wedding etiquette to buy/rent your own outfit. That's why you buy the party a gift to wear to the wedding. I treated my bridesmaids to a manicure and DH bought the groomsmen all cuff links.

Happy36 · 15/07/2014 00:46

If your husband is careful on the day (i.e. no permanent stains or rips) he should be able to re-sell the suit afterwards.

Let´s hope the bride and groom see sense about the shoes. Also that the other costs (shirts, etc.) are reasonable.

Loopylala7 · 15/07/2014 01:10

Friendly I think its a British thing, but we tend to buy/rent clothes on behalf of the wedding party. I bought my bridesmaids dresses, and DH hired the suits. We didn't have 10 in our bridal party mind!

Bogeyface · 15/07/2014 01:11

When we got married we asked the best men and ushers if they had black lounge suits, all said yes, so we asked if they would wear them. We provided the ties, hankies etc.

If we had wanted something specific or most hadnt got black suits already then we would have paid.

As it turned out, one of the best men hadnt worn his black suit for a couple of years, couldnt get into it on the morning of the wedding and was the only man in a sea of black suits in navy. Didnt bother us at all but he was gutted and very embarrassed! :o

YANBU. If bridezilla wants everyone matchy matchy then she needs to stump up for it. I wonder if the bridesmaids are paying for everything themselves?

AlleyCat11 · 15/07/2014 01:16

Who are these bride-women? Thank God, I've never been a bridesmaid... All of my mates asked their sisters. I haven't got a sister, but luckily I'm not having a wedding! So I won't be subjecting my friends & family to this kind of BS...

Oriunda · 15/07/2014 06:35

Amoeba, are you from the US? I know over there it seems the norm to have larger bridal parties and make them pay for suits, but I think in the UK usual form is to pay for hire or purchase. I bought my BM dress (let her wear whatever shoes she wanted) and we paid for all the men's suit hire. We bought all the men in the party matching ties. They all also got presents from us (to thank them for being part of the bridal party).

budgiegirl · 15/07/2014 07:00

YANBU - I would be cross, but probably feel that it's not worth falling out over.

I think it's rude to ask any bridesmaids/ best man / ushers to buy their own outfits. Fine to ask if they already own a suit in the colour you want, but if not, then it's up to the b&g to pay for it. If they can't afford to buy it, then hire it.

It's amazing how many people can afford a lavish wedding/honeymoon, but can't find it in their budget to pay for wedding party outfits

Ragwort · 15/07/2014 07:37

It's amazing how many people can afford a lavish wedding/honeymoon, but can't find it in their budget to pay for wedding party outfits.

Totally agree, and it is amazing how these seem people will still expensive wedding presents ..................... I really, really don't understand what people get out of these great big fancy weddings. But each to their own I guess.

proseccoco · 15/07/2014 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKCastle · 15/07/2014 07:56

Grin at 'I wouldn't be falling out over a couple of hundred quid.'

A couple of hundred quid is a huge amount of money for some. I think the couple were very rude to assume that it wouldn't be a problem.

For my wedding, the only thing I expected the bridesmaids and best man to provide was shoes. And DH and I couldn't have cared less what style/colour of shoes they wore.

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 15/07/2014 07:56

My dh was best man and had to pay£120 for the hiring of his suit, also the groom picked a place to hire from where "the groom goes free" if he had 4 grooms men. So not only was dh paying to hire a suit he was inadvertently paying for the hire of the grooms suit. We also had to pay for 2 nights in a hotel as the groom wanted us all to go out the night before (we would have just travelled up on the morning of the wedding to save hotel costs) and we also had an 8 week old baby and were skint. I was livid that we were paying so much to attend a wedding when we had so little money.

diddl · 15/07/2014 07:57

It's not worth falling out over?

Well, that's how they get away with it, isn't it?

I demand that you wear this & pay for the privilege??!!

How is that ever acceptable?

So if your husband says that sorry, it's not affordable, then what?

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