paying for bestmans suit

[montymum]

Dh is bestman at mutual friends wedding in August. We are good friends with both bride and groom and the groom was dh best man when we got married. This weekend they brought round a suit for dh to try on, which he did and then announced he would need to pay £130 for it.
They then went on to mention matching shoes, shirts and cufflinks, that he would also need to pay for. ( Bride said I would like you all to have matching shoes) They did say they would provide a button hole. They have choosen to buy rather than hire and want all members of the bridal party to wear the same.

Aibu to be annoyed by this. Firstly we paid for the hire of bestman suit at our wedding. Secondly this suit is in a style and colour that dh can not easily reuse for work.

Dh has said he will just pay it . They are good friends and I agree it is not worth falling out over but I just want to vent. It isn't even as if they mentioned this when they asked dh to be bestman but left it to a month before. Dh has said he might say he is unwilling to buy new shoes when he has shoes already in the correct colour so we will see how that goes down!

Also can't believe comments like "we asked the wedding party to pay as we couldn't afford 10 dresses or suits" ummmmmmm don't have so many groomsmen or bridesmaids if you can't afford it!! We couldn't afford all the (waste of money outfits) so just had a best man and 1 bridesmaid (My daughter who I would have had to buy a dress for anyway).

I bought my bridesmaids dresses and paid for the hire of groomsmens suits, but I also have paid to hire a bridesmaids dress when I have been a bridesmaid. If I was going to a wedding as a guest I would expect to have to buy a new outfit. DH would need to buy a new suit because he has piled on weight since he last needed to wear one. I would just chalk it up to other peoples weddings being expensive.

I think the etiquette is that if the B&G insist on something, them the B&G pay!

this, IMO.

£200 is a fortune or loose change depending on your personal situation. Either way the above statement stands. It's appalling manners to invite someone to a celebration and then expect them to be out of pocket pandering to specific fancies.

As someone up-thread said - if you're so worried about the look of it all (and are happy to pay out for rainbow painted horses pulling a glass carriage etc.) why cant you shell out for the wedding parties outfits?

And of course-no one has to pay-you can decline the invitation!

Tbh the person who said they bought a manicure for bridesmaids who had bought their own dresses I'd rather have the money towards the dress!

There's nothing wrong with a big wedding. We had around 200 people and 9 bridesmaids and 10 ushers. We paid for all the outfits (they wore their own shoes but didn't have to buy new ones). We also provided free drinks all night and didn't ask for money (we did have a gift list which we gave to people when they requested it). Just wanted to put another side to everyone saying 'I don't know why people have big weddings' etc. (I appreciate we were lucky to afford this with no debt).

Why on earth do they need the men's shoes to match? I have obviously missed something as I have never looked at a chaps footwear at a wedding. When we got married in the 1980's DH asked his groomsmen to wear a light coloured suit if they had one. He meant light grey as that was in fashion. When I got to the church one of the ushers had a white suit (think John Travolta). I just burst out laughing and all my nerves went. I always credit that usher for helping me enjoy my own wedding and when I look at my wedding photos they always make me smile.

Nice stealth boast there cogitosum :o

I paid for everything for my bridesmaid and best man, right down to the bridesmaids hair and underware (she needed a certain type of bra to carry off the dress and she didnt have one - and I didn't want her to pay out). I figured they shouldn't be out of pocket for being nice enough to be involved in my day. Turns out the bridesmaid sulked off with her dp all day and the best man didn't even do a speech or anything so I don't think we got value for money But them's the breaks.
So I think the b&g abvu and quite rude.

Yes I realised after posting it came across like that sorry

I just find that sometimes there's an attitude that if you have Anything more than a couple of people in a registry office with a quick trip to the pub you must be bridezilla so wanted to give an alternative.

It made me laugh and you don't come across as a bridezilla at all :)

Big weddings are no guarantee of a bridezilla at all. I've been to some fabulous big weddings (and some equally fabulous small ones).

I was one of three bridesmaids once and the bride's mother made all our dresses. I loved mine and wore it for years until it fell off me. The bride wanted us to wear white shoes but I couldn't find plain white. She allowed me to wear pearlised white shoes not that it made much difference in black & white photographs. No fussy bride there.

At our wedding, my DH and I were the only ones dressed up. The invitations invited everyone to come dressed casually and we had a mix of jeans and tee shirts to usual wedding attire. no hats though.

There's too much wedding reality on television and it makes people think that what they see there is the norm. It isn't. I'm one of those who thinks that whatever the bride and groom want should be paid for by them.

Any update op?

Sorry no update yet. Dh is seeing groom next week and is going to find out exact expectations.