Hi I don't come on here often but I find my self in a situation that is very upsetting and one that I cannot find a solution to. I've recently decided to end my marriage after 12 years, I won't go into the detail but it's not been a happy one for a number of years and enough is enough for the sake of both of us and my 17 year old son that lives with us.
The problem is that last October I thought it would a great idea to have a big family holiday to Florida for my son's 18th and also my stepson. It's somewhere we've always wanted to take the boys and this year will probably be the last year that they will want to come away with us. So booked on this holiday is myself, my husband, my son (from first marriage), My step son (husbands from a previous relationship, the mother in law, the sister in law and her partner. This is all booked and paid for and we are due to go at the end of August for 2 weeks, staying in a rented villa.
However, MIL has made it clear that she does not want to stay in the same villa as me, she has made her position very clear and stated that she doesn't want an atmosphere on holiday, thinking that myself and husband are going to fight and argue the whole time. In fact we have so far remained as civil as possible, as we are still living under the same roof. I went round to see the MIL a few weeks ago to try and sort this out but she isn't the easiest person to appeal to and she made it quite clear what she thought about me. The rest of the family (apart from the boys) have jumped on the bandwagon and have more or less tried to bully me into not going; suggesting I should book and pay for another hotel room for myself or not go at all (I have paid for all 4 of us to go, my husband has not paid a penny). I've had a row with the MIL, husband and an email from SIL. I know they are all discussing it behind my back. I did hear from SIL's partner that MIL is looking to book another villa so that I end up in the original one on my own.
In the middle of all this are our two boys, of which no one else, apart from me, are considering. They want to stay in the same place and hang out together like teenage boys should, especially in the evenings where there is a games room in the villa etc. How can one stay with his dad in one place and my son stay with me somewhere else? How can they expect me to stay somewhere on my own, not knowing when I can see my son? How is that an easy situation for my son, it will be uncomfortable for him to have to ask to see me, know when he is seeing me next, if I'm going to be welcome etc. Everyone is discussing this holiday and now everyone is getting to the stage where they don't know what to do for the best. I have stated that no one is thinking of the boys in all of this, that the holiday was about them and for 2 weeks, why can't people put their differences aside and behave like grown adults, for the sake of the boys and just have a nice holiday that we've paid a lot of money for. It's getting so ridiculous now and my son is at the point where he doesn't want to go, the excitement has been ruined. He sees that I am the only one being adult about this whilst everyone else is up in arms at the mere suggestion. My husband is burying his head in the sand and lying to his family as he is supposed to have told me they are looking to rent another villa and he hasn't told me this at all, I've heard it from SILs partner because he was dismayed at it all and didn't want to lie to me.
The situation has really got out of hand and is not helped by the obstinence of the MIL and my husband. They just refuse to listen to reason.
Please I really don't want to hear, why didn't I wait until after the holiday to end my marriage, because hindsight is a wonderful thing but in reality the marriage has been dead for years and actually I feel the situation would have been worse for various reasons. I've tried everything in my power to make it work but it just remains a very unhappy situation and one I just cannot take anymore.
I feel sick about it all, not least for the two boys in the middle of this. I just want it over and done with and for the boys to have a lovely time, my son to have a memorable 18th birthday whilst out there.
What would you do in this situation? I would really appreciate some thoughts.
Thanks :)