(for a friend) weddings don't need a party...

[ebwy]

...do they?

My friend and her fiance aren't really party people. (she's asking my view because I hate parties too)

They are planning a wedding next year on a date that's significant to them, which is in the school holidays but midweek. Tbh they'd both be happier with just them and a registrar and 2 witnesses but understand that would alienate their family so accept the need for guests. But that escalates into having to having to have food, and an evening do which they will both hate.

I say they don't have to feed nor provide drinks, have speeches etc nor all the rest of the fuss if they don't want to, as long as they make it clear to guests beforehand (i.e. In the invites). His sister thinks that would be awful and rude. Who's right?

If you invite a some/a lot of people I think they should be offered some form of refreshment. But that could be a very simple buffet in a pub. There is no need for a 'do'. And if you plan a very early wedding then that's easy to get away with.

I did have a sit-down for mine, but it was over by 6pm!

Small buffet lunch in church hall? It doesn't have to be fancy or cost a lot but I think invited guests should get some refreshments. Or get married late in the day and hire room in pub for a buffet?

We did registry office for immediate family and close friends (30 in total) and a dinner afterwards. I was tempted to have nothing but the ceremony but if I had done that I really would just have had witnesses and nothing else.

It is rude to ask peopleto turn up and then do nothing to 'host' them, I agree that a drink in a local pub, or sit down meal sounds like good alternatives. No reasin why newly weds need ti stay on past 3-4pm

We had and afternoon ceremony, buffet in the church hall afterwards, no seating plan, no speeches, just milling and chatting then went off on honeymoon. Worked for us.

Our wedding was HUGE and I found it all a bit much tbh.

DH and I attended a friends wedding in a national trust garden at Easter. They hired a small 'glass house' that held 50-60. Invited 40 people and after the ceremony (12.30pm) guests were invited to see the bride and groom cut the cake at the far end of the room and have a glass of (Aldi) fizz. When we turned around the chairs were gone and replaced with five round tables and a nice afternoon tea and more fizz.

We were home for 5pm but had a lovely afternoon.

Unless they elope and invite no one, the bride & groom will be centre stage for the ceremony whether they like it or not. Afterwards, not so much.

Receptions should be about everyone relaxing after the stress and formality. People love happy occasions, and drinks/a tea party/lunch is excuse to chat, refuel and share the happiness. It's good for the soul

Wouldn't even they find it an anti-climax to just amble off home after such a big event without as much as a debrief in the pub over a shandy and a bowl of peanuts?

We got married in the local reg office on a Thursday, only invited friends.. No family at all. We all went for lunch after the ceremony and everyone bought their own. It was the best wedding ever :)

The sister should STFU.

DH and I didn't want a big, fancy party after our wedding either, so we requested some picnic baskets be made up by a sandwich shop near our church in Greenwich, and then headed over to Greenwich Park. We had to contact the park in advance, and pay a small fee, because our numbers were larger than the usual maximum number you can have for a picnic there. The maximum if you just turn up at GP for a picnic is 25 people, we had 46 guests plus us two, so we weren't hundreds over!

Anyway park staff sectioned off a part of the park for us, we had some fun and games, but mainly just chatted and mixed with our guests in a really informal way.

Even now, nine years later, our guests still talk fondly about our wedding. The biggest compliment we received was from my aunt, who said we let the actual meaning of the day (i.e. love) take centre stage, rather than any unnecessary frills.

No need for a party, but I think guests will feel a littleb snubbed if just invited for the ceremony.

What about some home made canapes and drinks at their place after the wedding? (or church hall/community centre). It needn't cost much or be a big affair.

I'm getting married soon and hate all the shite that goes with it, so we're at the reg office at 2:30 followed by a bistro lunch at 3:30 for 18 people. I'm pg so can't be arsed for family kicking off, my family tried it saying we weren't making enough effort. I told them to bollocks it's my day and they are invited but if they don't like it then don't come!

Get married mid afternoon and tell everyone you will be in the pub from 4pm if they want to come along.

Honestly, I don't think they would find it anti- climatic. " we just want to be married without all the crap of having a wedding"

But they have parents, and siblings, and aunts and then it's huge (over 40 people) before they consider friends and cousins.

Honestly, I don't think they would find it anti- climatic. " we just want to be married without all the crap of having a wedding"

But they have parents, and siblings, and aunts and then it's huge (over 40 people) before they consider friends and cousins.

Sorry for the double post

Sorry for the double post

I think it depends if any guests are travelling. I wouldn't want to travel 2 hours+ just for a short ceremony. Doesn't need to be a traditional wedding party though, just a pub meal (happy to pay), or gathering of some sort.

Well, mine travelled about 3 hours the day before. We had a night out, an early wedding, wedding breakfast and then they went to the pub for drink while we got changed. We stayed for about an hour and then left.

Some turned up just for the day, had a quick drink and snuck out before we did

No one seemed to mind.

bloody phones

bloody phones

We got married at 1, wedding breakfast lunch at 2, done by 5.... not party people either.

Afternoon tea would be a group celebration with food. They could go somewhere reasonably posh for it and then their families couldn't complain that it wasn't an 'occasion'.

Crap discos are not a legal requirement in order to get married. Nor is it obligatory to stay out after 5.

Or, if you really wanted to get it over with quickly, a 9am slot at the registry office followed by an actual wedding breakfast would let you all be home by lunchtime.

"All the crap" is is bridesmaids, colour schemes, flowers, receiving lines, table plans, favours, etc etc etc.

Having an informal drink and a sausage roll with your nearest and dearest as described by people here is a relaxed and friendly thing to do afterwards.

Do they not socialise with anyone ever?

They should do what they want but make it clear what's going to happen. Eg 'We are getting married on [date/time} We are not having a reception but you are welcome to attend the ceremony if you would like to do so. Here is a list of local places where you can get something to eat/drink afterwards if you have had a long journey.'

And just ignore the wailing and protesting from family.

We had afternoon tea - no evening do. Couldn't think of anything worse than having a 'party'/disco-type affair and it all worked out very nicely (and probably much cheaper)!

Though if that's what they want to do, it would be a really bad idea to ask for wedding presents...