Wedding

[Gryffindor]

Just received invite to a wedding which is taking place on a Tuesday night. It says "please stay at the reception as late as possible".

Yes, never mind the fact that we are all taking the day off work to come already. It's not like we have to work on Wednesday or anything.

Oh and of course there was a request for cash.

This will be our 6th wedding this year - it's wearing thin!

AIBU to think this is a cheeky request?

I'm sorry but I'm not seeing how its rude. I certainly wouldn't say it's 'passive aggressive', you seemed pissed off because of the hen do and you've had to take a day of work. You are assuming they will be clock watching too. Don't go if your that aggrieved by the whole thing.

Also asking or money is fairly sensible if you have everything you need in a house set up as it would just be wasting your time buying a duplicate present. We asked for vouchers, I hope my guests weren't bitching behind my back. I think it's rude to make a gift lift with specific gifts tbh.

Why does everyone straight away assume an agro comment? I just read that as the b & g acknowledging that people will have to get off early.
I do think mid week is pretty cheeky. When we looked at venues 1 place didn't have much availablity on Saturdays but had a few Fridays so o did check the costs. Venue and catering was thousands and saving for Friday a couple of hundred quid! For all the inconvenience for guests it seemed like s really small amount - about 3% discount

I really don't understand the animosity on MN re cash wedding gifts . One of our close friends got married last weekend, they're a bit older, have owned a house and lived together for years but are not particularly well off. They're putting the money towards their honeymoon next year and I'm delighted that we're able to contribute towards that rather than buying them a toaster or something. Plus I have 3 small children and shoving some money in a card is a v easy option.

Wow. At my hen a couple of friends decided when the bill came that I shouldn't pay, I spotted a couple of other friends who were obviously looking uncomfortable with it and I was absolutely mortified. I insisted on leaving the tip for the table (12 people so it almost covered my meal cost) and made sure I bought them drinks later on, but I felt horrible that they felt they had to cough up and couldn't say no as it was a group decision.

I'd rather give cash/vouchers/purchase from a gift list for a wedding gift as I'm not really interested in buying gifts like home appliances or whatever the done thing is, so this would never offend me on an invitation but everyone is different!

I think it's to be expected that some people will leave earlier than usual if the wedding is on a Tuesday. Personally if it was a good friend I would probably take Wednesday off work to have a lie in and then a nice day relaxing if I didn't have a 2 year old who wakes up at 7am no matter why time I've gone to bed Otherwise leave when you want to! I think it's nice to stay for the first dance and the cutting of the cake though.

OK, the dripfeed puts it into better context! So I'd say YANB that unreasonable.

But remember - a gift is optional. You have already paid out a fair whack for the hen night (she is a right cheeky mare, btw!) so, if you're really strapped, then a card is all you need to give and you don't even need to give that unless you want to. If this doesn't sit well with you, then ok, you'll be forking out more.

As for staying late - unless she's locking the doors, go when you're ready to leave. She might be wanting to do the Grand Exit through an arch of her guests' arms, and won't want to leave until the bitter end, but so what? You, as you say, have work the next day and if she wanted to party til the small hours she should have picked a better day for her wedding.

"I left at five from a lunch wedding reception which started at 11.30"

I presumed you meant 5a.m. until I read the rest of your post!

I'm more shocked you only just have the invite but have already been on the hen!

I'm not especially crazed about any one part of this, but with 8 weddings this year (this is the 6th) the weekdays off work add up and the money asking poems get increasingly cringey.

I probably do have some lasting frustrations from the hen - but I think most people would at having to subsidise someone else for a full 24 hours!

Now the late night request when she knows we all work F/T...yes I do think it's pass agg. She is the type to sulk if people leave early - probably why she insisted everyone stayed in a hotel for the hen.

Oh and I always give cash at weddings - have bought from lists before where the gifts weren't delivered so the B&G thought we didn't get them a present...but the poems - spare me!

I went to a hen do where everyone put their money in for the meal plus a bit for a tip and afterwards the hen announced that when counting the money there was far too much so she, her mum and auntie hadn't needed to put in anything.

Her SIL-to-be said that the extra was intended for the tip and she looked blank and said "what tip?" Her SIL-to-be was

This is the same woman that walked into a supermarket behind an old lady, saw a bundle of bank notes drop from her bag and then calmly picked it up and thought that was perfectly reasonable to keep the money as "she must have known she dropped it"

Joey

Bloody hell joey,how can you be friends with her?
Op,Yanbu.

You must be good friends with the groom!

No definitely not friends any more. That really opened my eyes!

OMG Joey - she didn't realise it was outright theft, or she just didn't care? What an utter grasping bitch she must be.
Not surprised you dumped her!

How do people like this even have friends to come to their weddings?

I don't get the MN obsession with reading into innocuous remarks as "passive aggressive". I'm not even sure what a passive aggressive remark is.

How late does the invitation mean by as late as possible?

And how come you have been invited to so many weddings? I am 55 and have probably only been to that many weddings in my entire life.

I love weddings but 8 in one year is a bit much. You sound weary. Go home when you want to, don't stay because you feel obliged or guilty - where's the fun in that?

BTW, do people actually ask for cash? The wedding invites I've had all say "no boxed gifts please", which is a nicer way of saying the same thing.

We've been together a few years now;
We have pots and pans and linen and towels;
We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;
What we would really appreciate is quite simply money

Holy God that's bad rhyming.

You do realise it's quite identifying though, don't you - might not be a great plan to leave it up!

It's not actually that exact poem, but one very similar. I found that one online - there are entire wedding forums dedicated to cash poems..!!

Seem to have hit that age where people are getting hitched left right and centre - before now, maybe one wedding a year. All of a sudden - bam!

oh ok, that's not such a problem. Still utter shite though!

Oh god yeah. To make things worse - the bride has a degree in English Lit!