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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To squeeze 4 people into a 2 bed house?

92 replies

MagersfonteinLugg · 13/07/2014 22:14

Am going to look at a house in the morning as cannot live with DH much longer. The house is in the perfect area and the estate agent has told me that the LL lets to Housing Benefit applicants so would be ideal, but.....
it only has 2 bedrooms and my 3 DCs have always had their own rooms up till now, so won't be happy about sharing.
AIBU to even consider this house?
DCs are DS(12), DD(7) and DS(6).

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 14/07/2014 00:16

Boys share one bedroom, you and dd share the other. When your lovelife restarts, reconsider then.

I'm one of five children brought up in a four bedroom house. I shared with a brother until he was five and I was 12. Although dbro had a huge number of ishoos, I really don't think bedroom sharing was one of them.

Breezy1985 · 14/07/2014 00:16

It is do-able, me, my ex and 2dc spent 3 years in a one bed flat, dc in the bedroom and we had a sofabed in the living room.

I'd put the 2 youngest together, eldest on his own and turn the dining room into your bedroom.

GoshAnneGorilla · 14/07/2014 00:22

What Midnight said. It's definitely better.to have a proper bedroom and I.don't see anything wrong with the youngest two sharing.

Balaboosta · 14/07/2014 00:36

I don't have any bright ideas but wishing you good luck with this.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 14/07/2014 00:41

Go for it op! Finding a LL who will take housing benefit is really difficult so for that reason I think you should take it. It's perfectly doable as others have said. I grew up in a family of 7 in a three bed (more like 2.5 bed), my parents slept in the living room.

Redglitter · 14/07/2014 00:46

If you plan being there long term I'd put the 2 boys in the biggest room and use the dining room as a bedroom which would let you & your daughter have a room each.

Happy36 · 14/07/2014 00:51

I think it sounds fine. As others have suggested, you go in the living room and divide the bedrooms either into boys and girl or oldest and younger two. Your clothes could go either in a landing area or in the bedroom of whichever child gets their own. Enjoy your new home!

SecretWitch · 14/07/2014 00:53

When I left my first husband, I shared a bedroom with my dd. My ds had the tiny second bedroom. We lived in that situation for a year. It was a bit cramped and perhaps not ideal but we made it work. Good luck, OP. I hope you can make things work for you too Flowers

RaspberryLemonPavlova · 14/07/2014 00:56

Housing benefit would assume children 0-9 share regardless of gender, so your younger 2 should be fine.

melissa83 · 14/07/2014 06:13

We have 5 in 2 bed flat and not cramped at all. We have lots of space

BakeOLiteGirl · 14/07/2014 07:12

Before you commit, check housing benefit would cover it. I know in my LA a few years ago they wouldn't pay for a house without the correct bedroom allocation.

For what it's worth, my children share a bedroom and I sleep in a lounge because the only other room in the flat had a hole in the roof the landlord wouldn't repair.

Sofa bed out every night.

Shakirasma · 14/07/2014 07:16

Go for it OP, you'll manage and the children will soon get used to it.

I'm amazed at some of the responses here, I think some posters clearly have no idea how priveliged they are, nor how millions of families live!

mumtoateen · 14/07/2014 07:28

OP, you shouldn't feel the need to sleep on a sofa! You have a room, others share, or something like that. Or get a 3 bed house.

sashh · 14/07/2014 07:29

If you need to move you need to, and this is preferable to a b and b.

I agree with the sofa bed for you and let the children have the bedrooms.

I would also tell the landlord you want a bigger place ASAP just in cast the LL has another place available in the future.

When you ask adults about their childhood they will tell you if it was generally happy or not, how they were treated, who their friends were. Their bedroom is often a long way down the list.

Chunderella · 14/07/2014 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmademesolate · 14/07/2014 07:34

It isn't just about how privileged somebody is: people are responding assuming a separate dining room and lounge? This is something I've only had twice - once in a 4 bed and once in a 3 bed.

My first home was lovely: a two bed house with a small lounge and kitchen, and it really was lovely, but NO way could I have had more than one child in it!

It might just be doable IF there is a lounge AND dining area separate to one another but then effectively it's a 3 bed, isn't it? You'd be using one room as a bedroom even if that's not it's original design. But most two beds don't have a separate lounge and dining room (IME.)

Shakirasma · 14/07/2014 07:51

OP has said it does have a separate lounge and dining room.

Bryonyc · 14/07/2014 07:53

I would share with your DD and have the boys share.

I think it's important for everyone to be able to have some private space, but that private space doesn't need to have a bed in it, surely.

If you turn all the rooms into separate bedrooms for everyone, you won't have any communal space, everyone will be on top of one another in a tiny kitchen.

Having grown up with 7 people in a 3 bed house, I think have as much space in communal areas as possible. If you can't go into the dining room because it's x's room, or get chucked out of the lounge in the evening because y needs to go to sleep, you don't have anywhere to go except your own room, so it can be a bit stifling that way. Not everyone wants to be "private" all the time. And when there is so little communal space so everyone is on top of each other, people will probably find the need to retreat to their own rooms more - so it gets to the stage where everyone is entombed in their own little space not talking. Whereas lots of communal space encourages more sociable interaction, imo.

With shared rooms and communal rooms downstairs, there will only actually be one room any one person can't use. If the other occupant is already in your bedroom, well you can probably find a quiet space in the dining room or living room, more of the house is open to you.

whois · 14/07/2014 08:45

If you can't go into the dining room because it's x's room, or get chucked out of the lounge in the evening because y needs to go to sleep, you don't have anywhere to go except your own room

But the children are young and shouldn't be staying up after the OP. For a few years it will be fine for the OP to have a sofa bed in the dining room or lounge.

Original poster
MagersfonteinLugg · 14/07/2014 09:07

Initially I had arranged to view a 4 bed in a row of terraces which was just within my price range. But the LL won't take HB.
So finding somewhere that does is main thing ATM.
Once we are settled then I can take a job which is proving hard ATM as DH being very awkward about school Hols etc. At least when we split he will have to have them some time during the Hols.

OP posts:
Sparklypants · 14/07/2014 09:18

I personally would put all 3 kids in the biggest room (a bunk bed for the youngest 2 and a single for your oldest) . You could get one of those high sleeper beds with a desk and stuff under it, if space would be an issue, and you could divide the room somehow if your eldest wants a bit more privacy. It wouldn't have to be forever.

If after trying it you find it just doesn't work you could bring dd in with you.

williaminajetfighter · 14/07/2014 09:19

DOin what a rude post towards me. The OP wanted advice and from my experience moving just to move again is not ideal but unsettling to kids. Just plain rude to suggest that 'I don't understand bad relationships'.

Frankly I think a lot of people are being positive because they are assuming OP is in an abusive relationship and that she needs to leave but that is not necessarily the case.

I think if the post was flipped on its head and the OP wrote 'my DP is leaving and moving him and our three kids into a tiny 2 bed home...I'm worried about the setup and overcrowding' more respondents would be negative, say that is not an ideal setup for so many children, 'why can't he get a 3 bed at least', 'what a bastard' etc!

AmberLav · 14/07/2014 09:30

I had a room to myself until my parents split up when I was 10, after that I shared with my middle sister (she was 16 at the time) til she went to Uni, then had to share my room with her whenever she came home from Uni, which was far too often in my opinion! When biggest sister came home from Uni, one of us slept on the sofa (I remember it being me sometimes, but I was probably a bit bigger by then...) or middle sister bunked in with mum (I was a kicker!).

Children are adaptable, I'm sure neither my sister or I were completely happy, but we got over it!

OxfordBags · 14/07/2014 09:34

The fact of the matter is, it's hard to find decent places that will take HB. It could be a choice between this nice but small house, or a larger shit tip with terrible mould and so on, but with 3-4 bedrooms. Of course brothers and sisters can share, and a room of your own isn't an essential. My DH shared a room and bunkbed with his older brother until they went to uni, and, in fact, they still shared it when coming home at Xmas, summer holidays, etc., until their parents moved to a bigger house when they were in their mid-20s. They both say it was great.

NormalTea · 14/07/2014 09:38

of course it can be done! at this stage in your life I think the most important thing is to find a home and feel like you could make it work around your lives and commitments and you can afford it and arrange it ........ when you have recovered from one huge life change, you can look at how it is working out and think about what next.