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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DD is being silly?

93 replies

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 16:31

DD requested a French manicure with my home gel nail kit, did it begrudgingly, she's 15 and I think it's ridiculous to do that to your nails at that age, plus it takes time and effort and she's not going out anywhere to show it off.
She's then asked for acrylic nails after her school term has ended, before we go on a canal holiday- lots of physical work, and probably broken nails. She's now upset I said no.
AIBU to think she's too young for these things?

OP posts:

thecageisfull · 13/07/2014 17:07

If my 15 year old was calling other people 'slutty girls' then I'd be having a word with her about more than her nails.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:07

But its a lovely thread anyway. Keep going OP.

There must be a few other MN bingo windups you can chuck in.

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:08

MadameDefarge She's 15, capable, and is legally allowed to be left alone with them, whilst the mother is either in the house or next door, with myself also a phone call away. Why shouldn't she be left alone?
I'm sorry for my opinions Madlizzy, but I believe young girls with fake nails do look tarty. They can easily grow them out themselves.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:08

thecageisfull
She is allowed her opinions, if she doesn't voice them to the girls and is civil with them, she can say what she wants to me about them.

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:09

Ah.more drip feeding. So your reluctance was not to do with your dislike of her having a French manicure (though you dont actually think she should do her nails anyway) it was because she was being demanding when you were reasonably busy...

drip drip dripppity drip.

gordyslovesheep · 13/07/2014 17:09

none of that is related to her age though - your OP was bloody confusing !

also £50 for acrylics - where they diamond encrusted !

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:10

Madame, if you have an issue take it elsewhere. I am doing this in between household tasks, and decorating, and don't have time to nsit down and write out an entire post.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:10

gordyslovesheep
I hope not, they were shoddy. Short notice I believe. Either way, places around here charge a lot, and she hates the nails. Yet she wants them.

OP posts:

MrsDowneyJunior · 13/07/2014 17:14

I had all that stuff at that age! Younger in fact, by 15 I was well used to beauty treatments, hair, make up etc. I can understand you saying no to acrylics as they are terrible for your nails and can look cheap and trashy if done wrong, though personally I think at that age you have no right to control her beauty regime anymore other than to enforce hygiene, but honestly yes I do think yabu.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:16

You will need to check with the Local Council whether she needs a permit to work.

I have employed teenagers, and there were very strict regulations about how old they had to be to do certain jobs.

Babysitting might be a grey area regarding work, but at 15 they can't work past 7pm and there are restrictions on the amount of hours they can do also.

www.gov.uk/child-employment/restrictions-on-child-employment Also look at how much she should be earning per hour.

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:16

MrsDowneyJunior
Her aunt colours her hair, she can do as much makeup as she wants, but I say no to acrylics. There's not one decent, cheap (ish) place that does them.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:17

Madame, at 15, babysitting her baby cousins, I wouldn't say it was 'work'. More a paid day of fun tbh.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 13/07/2014 17:18

But all these decisions are part of growing up.
At 15 I would expect her to have a small amount of her own money - which you say she has, and she chooses to spend them on e-books.
If my 15 yr old asked me, I'd say that obviously it were up to her, but remine her that if she wanted to spend her money on them - which was obviously her decision - then she should know that they probably wouldn't last long on the canal holiday, so might she get better 'value' from them after you've got back, or hanging on until she's actually going somewhere where she wants to feel a bit more different or grown up.
Saying she can't, or calling her a tart don't seem a very constructive way forwards.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:19

I think when it comes to asking for genuine advice regarding your daughter you should take the time to sit down and write a proper post, otherwise you will end up sounding mean. As you have done.

Being treated unkindly and dismissively by a parent is my issue.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:19

You might think of it as a paid day of fun, the law does not. I have employed teens. The rules are strict and for their protection.

Original poster

mumtoateen · 13/07/2014 17:21

Madame, trampolining, crabbing, park playing and that is not work.

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:23

But a bit of babysitting is ok in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't clear whether this was a serious childcare job for the holidays or a bit of mothers help work with adult on site or very nearby.

Leaving 15 year old all day with two under fives -Bad.

Have a 15 year help out for a couple of hours - fine.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:24

Of course it is work! Fun work, but work nonetheless.

MadameDefarge · 13/07/2014 17:27

I do childcare and I can assure you all the delights of fingerpainting, baking and nature walking do not detract from the fact that I am being paid to be responsible for children and that all those activities I am doing to earn a living. And expect to be paid for it, and respected for it.

ConstableOdo · 13/07/2014 17:32

If my DD asked me to pay for something which I knew was going to end up broken in a matter of days because of something else we were going to do, I'd say no.

I'd have no objection to letting her get her acrylic nails AFTER the holiday. Just not before. Not sensible.

15 is fine to be asking about nails and stuff, though.

FatewiththeLeadPiping · 13/07/2014 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thecageisfull · 13/07/2014 17:35

thecageisfull
She is allowed her opinions, if she doesn't voice them to the girls and is civil with them, she can say what she wants to me about them.

It's her opinions I'd be concerned about, not her manners or social skills.

Slut is a word used to silence and control women. To make them feel ashamed for enjoying sex or being female or liking clothes or for having acrylic nails. It re-enforces the idea that your worth is based on being suitably pure to fuck. It's a divide and rule tactic that pits the 'good' girls against the 'bad' and she has fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Not surprising really.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 13/07/2014 17:40

Be nicer to her.

Suggest she saves the nail stuff for after work experience and the canal holiday.

And next time she 'jokes' that she's not popular, point out something fab about her.

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/07/2014 17:40

To be honest, I don't like acrylics either.

But it is up to her.

TheWildOnes · 13/07/2014 17:44

I dont understand how you think fake nails are tarty, but as much make up as she wants is ok. Did I read that right?

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