to report this...concerned about a child

[lorneylou]

I have never posted on this board before but really need some opinions, I've been thinking about this for a few days and really don't know what to do. (Could be long)
Have been in my current house for just over a year and there is a young mum who lives a few doors up (guessing about 20ish). She has a lovely DD who I think is about 2.5 and we used to see them very rarely. Any time I pass her, I always say hello and my DD says hello to hers, sometimes she answers sometimes she doesn't.

Recently, I have been passing her in the mornings when I'm putting my DD in the car to go to pre-school and shes normally going in or out of the house and I have noticed that her house is a bit of a state inside, papers lying on the floor, having to shove the door to get inside etc etc.
A few days ago, I passed her when she was going into her house, she had her DD on the back of her bike and was trying to get the door open, I walked past just as she did and the stench that came out was absolutely overwhelming! As she was trying to push the bike inside I saw what her house was really like inside, no carpets, no furniture, floors and walls absolutely filthy and covered in what looked like mud. Stuff lying everywhere, wires, cups, clothes and as far as I could see, she didn't even have anything to sit on. There literally was no space to walk on the floor.

I was horrified to be honest and it just broke my heart to think of her taking her little girl into the house.

I don't know anything about this mum and her DD apart from what other neighbours have mentioned but I am really concerned about them both living in that house.

There have been a few more things that have made me wonder....
A few weeks ago I was taking DD to pre-school and could clearly hear the child sreaming, really wailing from inside the house (windows open, curtains closed as usual). Her mum was screaming 'SIT DOWN' over and over again which was making her scream even louder. I took DD to school, came back about 30 mins later and it was still going on.

There seem to be two people who visit this mum regularly, considered by the neighbours to be her mum and grandmother. They seem to come and pick them both up and go out for the day. I have observed the DD standing on the footpath outside her house completley naked, not even a nappy or pants on while the visitors look in the boot of the car for clothes for the DD. I have also heard them banging on her front door for a good half hour while the DD cries until she answers the door.

Her direct neighbours mentioned to me that they were concerned for a while because the little girl cried all night for weeks on end but it has stopped now.

I must say, I feel awful for posting this and I feel so nosey for having watched them for the past few weeks but something just doesn't seem right. I haven't mentioned any of my concerns to anyone else on the street or tried to get more information as there is a lot of gossiping that goes on.

The way that I see it I have 3 options:

I can just mind my own business and stop being so nosey

I can try and strike up a conversation, maybe invite her and her DD over and try to be friendly and see if theres anything I can do to help. She seems to be a very private person though but she does look like she isn't taking care of herself either, she always seems really flustered when I speak to her

I can report this to someone because I am concerned about them both.

What would you do in this situation? My gut says I have to do something.

She seems embarassed about her situation and I don't think that she will appreciate a visit from ss.

She probably is embarrassed and she may well be depressed. Her house is clearly in a terrible state and she may just not know where to start to get it sorted because it's such a mammoth task.

If SS visit and have concerns family support worker will probably be sent in once or twice a week to help her. This person will have access to funds to pay cleaning contractors if necessary and also to help buy furniture. They may provide a bed and bedding for the child if none is available. They can help her get into a cleaning routine and keep on top of it for a while so that it doesn't slide back once they've left.

It's possible that the 'mud' you saw on the walls is faeces. Some children smear their faeces and cleaning it is a vile job. If that is the case they will help her get it cleaned and then they will help her to learn to manage the child's behaviour to prevent/reduce the smearing and help with referrals if the child needs assessments.

SS will put a lot of effort into supporting her to make the home appropriate for the child. They only remove children if it's clear that, no matter how much help is offered, the house will never be safe.

They don't have the resources to hassle people who don't need help. If they turn up, the house isn't as bad as you thought, the child is clean and well cared for, has clean bedding and appropriate food and toys, and the environment her poses no significant risk, they will close the file.

You won't find out the outcome, although you may see if she starts to receive support. In the meantime, keep offering the hand of friendship because she may just be taking some time to come round to the idea of trusting someone.

This thread will drag on for a million pages but the answer of the majority will still be the same. Do it sooner rather than later

do it now

I find it a bit odd that social services did not ask your details. Surely the duty social worker today will need to ring you to get full details of your concerns, as you will have only spoken to the emergency duty team on Sunday. I'm a social worker and we would always ask for details of who is reporting the concerns in case we need to ring them back to clarify any points, even if we did agree to keep their name confidential

Selks we get a few ops like this, describing awful circs...and wondering if they should do anything about it.

Please do report it. SS often take reports from close relatives less seriously than someone independent such as yourself. They tend to view relatives as having an axe to grind or wanting the child themselves. It is important to have a call from someone with no issues with the family other than genuine and real concern, which is you.

I have a feeling SS will already have had reports and it is clear intervention is needed to support the family to stay together or an interim placement elsewhere hopefully within the family.

Whilst a messy house is not a major issue, there are different levels of "messy". When it is at the stage of stinking with filthy walls, loose wires etc it is a hazard. There are just too many red flags here to be ignored. I think you know the answer to your own question.

IamSlave, yes, I know that; not sure how your comment relates to my post?

Slave and Elsie.She did report it last night.

You were questioning the informaiton given

I personally would report this to your local social services (can go via council switchboard). She may well already be known to them and there's obviously a lot you don't know but I wouldn't feel happy ignoring it. Maybe she's choosing to live in an unorthodox environment but her child is still having her basic needs met, but maybe not. You have to try to have confidence in social services that they would gather information and make that judgement .

No I wasn't, slave, I was questioning the response from social services.

Oh i see, sorry I thought as a SS person you were questioning the protocol and therefore whether the call was real as it seemed normal stuff hadnt been done.

Selks, having had a day or two to think about it, am a bit surprised too that they didn't ask. The woman on the phone was nice, took down all the info that I gave etc and said she would leave it for the team in the morning who would investigate.

There has been alot of shouting coming from the house today, and saw the child with her mother this evening walking up the road with no shoes on crying

So, I've just phoned the NSPCC...explained etc etc, they were very concerned but said that there was no-one available to speak to me just now as they are experiencing a large number of calls. Told me to ring back after midnight and I will be able to speak to someone.

However, they said they would contact ss and the poilce (if they think its necessary) to do a welfare check based on what I told them, but I need to speak to someone else in more detail.

I intended to call NSPCC first, but felt that calling ss might be a better idea so thats what I did. At least now, I will have done both and hope that someone somewhere does something.

You've done the right thing and done all you can do now. A few months back we reported our new neighbours for the hateful way they scream abuse at their kids. I reported it to an SS duty desk and they came out mob handed the next day. From then on, social workers seemed to visit weekly then after a month or two seem to have signed them off. Now the verbal abuse of the kids continues - we have complained to the council this time and zero action has been taken, it seems. But we just have to tell ourselves we have done all we can to get someone, somewhere to take these kids to a place of safety, and it's just not going to happen. You can only do what you have done.

It is almost the opposite with my neighbours, though - the house is immaculate, the man very controlling - pretty well polishes the gravel out front. One of the kids had a birthday recently and now the back garden is full of play equipment (previously they just had a deflated football and we had never seen them playing, heard them laughing or having fun - just being screamed at. Similar to your neighbour, OP, one of the things we hear a lot is "Sit down! SIT DOWN NOW!"

The children are clean and well presented. But treated horribly. At least in this woman's case, the neglect will be self evident.

I used to teach in inner city schools and experienced a number of times the ss failing to take kids out of deeply disturbing situations - or dumping them back there rapidly. That was years ago but from what we have seen recently with our neighbour, authority's indifference to kids hasn't changed.

Lorneylou, how old is your dd? Could you invite the neighbour's DD over for a playdate?

The needs of the child must come before the parent's here. Call the NSPCC and take their advice.