To think "control your bloody children"

[trufflehunterthebadger]

We have a wedding at work. Three of the children have been running round like it is a playground. Despite asking their parents to keep them sitting down while the waiting staff serve hot main courses and, you know, hot pots of coffee from trays, this was apparently too much to ask and i got an "eye roll" and then pointed out by the woman to her friend. Probabky for not understanding how their pfb should be allowed to express themselves by running around the waiting staffs' feet at a funtion of 100 people

Aibu to think that if your child gets scalded by a waitress tripping over them when you've been asked to keep them seated while we serve hot products you have noone to blame but yourself ?

And before you all ask, i am on a break during speeches

DH is an event manager. He says he would firstly tell the children to sit down, and provide them with paper, crayons etc if possible. If that doesn't work he speaks to the best man and asks him to intervene. That way the parents are asked by a member if the wedding party to sort it out, but you aren't stressing the bride and groom out.

Works for adults misbehaving as well, apparently

Would another word with the parents along the followuing lines be an option?

"If your children keep running around, I am afraid that we will have to explain to the B+G that we will have to stop service as we cannot serve hot food or coffee safely. In order to do that, the ops manager will have to close the bar for a while to deal with the situation. I know that you wouldn't want to ruin the B+G's day in this way, so please could we ask you to keep your children sitting down for x amount of time while I finish the hot service. Once that is all done, they are of course free to run around as they wish.'

I would expect waiting staff to halt service if children were running riot and not being controlled by their parents. Coffee, tea, gravy can scald. I would not have minded complaints about children running around at my wedding, better than having a child or adult scarred or dead because I didnt want my day ruined.

Though the best man is an obvious other route forward, if soberish and not one of the offending parents!

I'm also genuinely puzzled at Marceline - as a bridge, she would not have wanted to be told that her guests were at risk of being badly scalded, she would not have wanted the service to be interrupted to reduce that risk, and she would have demanded money back had that had to happen. Would she also have wanted money back if an ambulance had to be called as a result??

The OP had already copmplained to parents of the offending children, so that avenue is closed. What should her next step be if the bride is so uninterested?

When I was doing my induction at Tesco's many years ago, they mentioned that we may end up in the cafe covering one day. They said that you had to be assertive to tell parents and children that the cafe was not a play area and that they should sit down in the cafe.

I wish all parents would listen instead of them blaming staff when an accident occurs due to the parents not insisting their child sits down with a bag of goodies such as colouring, new toys etc or removing them from the area until it's safer.

bridge=bride. obviously. Sorry.

I hate the title of this thread, 'control your bloody children'. Children are not dogs and, if they have additional needs may not be so easy to control.

Maybe these children do, in which case the title of this thread is even more upsetting.

I have often thought 'control your bloody children'

Chopin, both my children have additional needs and both of them behaved impeccably at my brother's wedding. They behaved well because they were watched, played with and attended to for the entire time.

I know an awful lot of people with additional needs. I don't find the title offensive at all and the fact is these parents should have been doing some parenting whether their kids had additional needs or not.

Ok but I hope that thought wasn't written plainly and judgementally on your face. Please remember that some dc's needs mean that they aren't so easily, 'bloody controlled' and what may look like naughtiness may be anything but.

did the OP speak gently to the parents or was her judginess plain to see?

I'm glad about that Youthe Cat but it isn't always achievable. Just asking for a bit of thought before marching in without any thought to the needs of the children.

My child has additional needs but that does not mean she has free reign to run riot. I would never put her or other people in danger of being hurt and neither would the parents of any of the other children from her ASD classes.

chopinbabe

"Please remember that some dc's needs mean that they aren't so easily, 'bloody controlled' and what may look like naughtiness may be anything but."

If they cannot behave and endanger other people's safety, they should not be in that environment.

The parents didn't do anything though. OP got an eye roll. That isn't how responsible parents of any children behave, be the children NT or otherwise.

OP is commenting on the adults' inaction, not the children's behaviour alone. If the parents had made a genuine effort to keep their children out of harm's way, there wouldn't have been a problem. As pp says - if you can't stop them running around inside, you take them outside to run it off. Obviously.

The problem was that the op was unable to deal with the situation. In an ideal world she wouldn't need to. The ops manager was too busy to deal with the situation. Parents should control their children but a minority don't. I would expect the event staff to deal with unruly guests (or their parents).

The DC remain the responsibility of the feckless parents not the party host. If someone complains about a part I host, particularly about events not in my control, I don't invite them again.

there's always one who has bring up the possibility of additional needs...

Chopin, my ds is at the most extreme end of the spectrum. I can assure you I have seen it all regarding behaviour. That still doesn't mean he could run riot where it wasn't safe and he most certainly would have been taken out for a wander if he was getting agitated.

But these parents did nothing to keep their kids safe and their behaviour in check and that is where the problem is.

So sorry to be that one, Molly.

I would expect the event staff to deal with unruly guests (or their parents)

How?

Chopin it's just as easy to assume these children did not have AN.

I'm not sure why you find this so difficult to see Marceline

The OP had spoken to the parents.
They felt they didn't need to listen to her.
If they were individual people visiting a restaurant, the OP could then ask them to leave - they do not have to serve customers who aside from being rude and disruptive are making the environment dangerous for themselves, staff, and other guests.
However, at a wedding, it's a slightly different scenario in that they are guests of someone else, so I'd say the OP is giving them and additional 'step' if you like to try to get somebody else to explain to them why it's not acceptable, as they've not listened to the staff at the venue, before getting to a stage of not being able to serve the other 80 or so people either, which would rather ruin the wedding.

The needs of any child surely has to be their safety, so if there's boiling water being delivered to tables then yes, I hope the staff march up all they want to parents.

Nothing worse than children running round riot in an inappropriate place. It must be boring for them, annoying for others, miserable for onlookers and downright dangerous for staff.

So Marcekline,

The event staff spoke the parents of the unruly children.

No response.

What should their next step be?? To physically expel those children / their parents? Who you, as B+G have invited? Don't you perhaps think that might be something yopu might want to be informed about before they 'deal with the problem'?

[YoutheCat, IME it is the children who DO have additional needs who are the ones who are impeccably behaved, and who the parents work extraordinarily hard with, while some parents of children without any such needs let them run riot and can't be bothered to interact with them or entertain them....]

Sympathies Op, been there It amazes me how many parents do't give a shit at weddings and just seem intent on getting plastered.

Do you have a generous head chef? We used to bribe the the unruly ones with dessert but that's probably frowned upon now what with allergies and diets etc.