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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A one way relationship

13 replies

PuddingandPie1 · 11/07/2014 11:20

About once or twice a month the neighbours come around to ask if we would feed their cats and/or water their plants while they are away. Each time we agree, with a cheerful ( I hope) smile.

Yesterday I arrived home just as the postman was driving off. He stopped and handed me a package addressed to me. "I'm glad I caught you, your neighbour wouldn't let me leave this with him and I was about the take it back to the sorting office".

So the very first time the neighbour could have done something for me he chose not to. How do people get like this?

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 11/07/2014 11:25

Do they bring you back a holiday present ever? My friend feeds my cats for me and I always bring back a small something to say thank you. A good cat-feeder is hard to find.

I suggest next time you smile cheerfully and say "sorry, that won't be possible".

Original poster

PuddingandPie1 · 11/07/2014 11:39

No they never bring anything but they always say thank you and seem grateful - as you say "a good cat-feeder is hard to find"!

OP posts:

Hassled · 11/07/2014 11:40

I don't know how people get like this but I'd be strangely unavailable for cat-feeding next time. Which I know is petty and wrong, but still.

MsVenus · 11/07/2014 11:48

Charge him or hand him a leaflet about the nearest cattery and pointedly remark about catching the posty in time because a neighbour wouldnt sign your parcel.

chocoluvva · 11/07/2014 12:02

Some otherwise nice people seem to be unable to look beyond their own convenience.

Perhaps they think you like doing them favours.

Some otherwise nice people are stingy.

Do you mind helping them out? Is it purely from a sense of duty? Do you know why they wouldn't take your parcel - could they be away - unlikely though or you'd be feeding their cat.

I'd be hopping up and down with indignance. I've never forgotten the time a friend invited herself, DP and toddler to ours for a week. She was very polite, said thank you after every meal, but she didn't get us anything at all, not even a box of chocs or flowers. We went out for a bar meal during their stay after I'd confided to her that I was in the early stages of pregnancy (I had a toddler too). You'd think they might have paid for our meal, but they didn't.

She was better than your neighbour as she offered to let us use their house for a holiday if we wanted when they were away. (just realised that she probably thought we could housesit ). Now the nice part of me thinks, she wants a relationship of mutual convenience, which I suppose is a sensible arrangement. if I was bothered about catering for her I'd be within my rights to use her house and not give her anything. But instead I didn't give her my new address when we moved (pre-facebook and mobile days)

If your neighbour is otherwise nice then you might manage to feel a bit better about her not taking your parcel or giving you anything if you have a generous spirit. Next time she asks you could ask a favour of her in return.

I share your indignance though.

OnesEnough · 11/07/2014 12:08

Are you sure it was him that refused, as in could he have been out, and another neighbour refused to take it?

Fwiw, if you were my neighbour, I would definitely get you a bottle of wine. Sounds like he's a bit ignorant or selfish.

Germgirl · 11/07/2014 12:10

We had a leaflet thing from the post office asking us to nominate neighbours to take in parcels for us. You could tell your neighbour that you've had one of those & ask them if they'd mind taking in parcels. )all the while giving them a knowing look so they ^know* that you know they refused that time)
Then, if they have a problem you'll at least know, and then you will be able to happily invent a reason to not feed the cats next time.

OnesEnough · 11/07/2014 12:11

Are you sure it was him that refused, as in could he have been out, and another neighbour refused to take it?

Fwiw, if you were my neighbour, I would definitely get you a bottle of wine. Sounds like he's a bit ignorant or selfish.

Germgirl · 11/07/2014 12:11

Oh FFS! Fat fingered typing. You get the gist.

angeltreats · 11/07/2014 12:23

I refused to take a package for next door the other week, but only because I was going on holiday in a few hours and wouldn't be back for a week so they'd have had to wait ages for it (normally I would always be happy to). Could there be a reason like that?

Although I suppose they'd have asked you to catsit if they were going away so I guess maybe not.

firesidechat · 11/07/2014 12:27

We had a somewhat "difficult" relationship with one of our previous neighbours. We still took in parcels for them and knocked on their door to hand them over.

In answer to your question, I have no idea how people get like this. Some people are givers and some are takers - that's about as deep as it goes.

Itsfab · 11/07/2014 12:54

I put a neighbours post through for her fairly often as they go away a lot and every time we get a thank you and gift. TBH a thank you is enough and I have said they don't have too and not to buy a gift but they are grateful and want to show it. We also take parcels for anyone - except one I wouldn't - but i wait for them to come and get them as that is at their convenience and no problem to me keeping them. One neighbour had ordered 2 very heavy items and I wasn't prepared to carry those down the street.

maras2 · 11/07/2014 12:55

I'm too Irish to let it lie.I'd go round there and ask < nicely > why they're being unneighbourly when you go out of your way to be nice and feed their cats.

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