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Original poster

to be so jealous of my friend

31 replies

mrsdicko90 · 10/07/2014 23:50

And I really don't want to be!!
It was my birthday last Friday. I got three cards and a teapot, not effort what so ever from noone not even mg husband.

I was only 24.

My best friends bday tomorrow, her fella has made a right effort. Theyev been together 20 years and it's her 40th.

He's made her her own pony tea party, had a cake made, made the tea party for them and their son. It looks amazing! And I have a feeling he's brought her her own horse. He's also paid for a horse riding holiday.

I'm so happy for her, but so jealous that everyone, even family she doesn't get on with has made an effort. I doubt I will get the same treatment for my 30th :(

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 10/07/2014 23:54

40th seems to be a big deal these days....

Also often in 40s we have more disposable cash for gifts than in our 20s....don't be jel though....

wowfudge · 10/07/2014 23:57

To be fair a 40th is considered a big birthday by lots of people and is being celebrated more than I can remember. Or is it just that my mates and me are all around 40? Hmm

Sometimes it helps to say what you would like to do for your birthday. Your DH might think it's no big deal to you and you haven't said anything before or after so it just gets buried.

PricillaQueenOfTheDessert · 11/07/2014 00:08

Oh poor you, the closeness of your birthdays is a bit raw when you are feeling a bit unloved. You're not really jealous of your friend, you're jealous of the attention being shown to her. Birthdays are always a bit of a tough day as we are brought up to believe that's the day you are special and the centre of attention. I guess that you are probably feeling let down that yours was so underwhelming.

I know it's a long time off but next year is your quarter of a century. You could use your friend's birthday to tell (not hint, tell) your DH that it looks like a great idea and why don't you arrange something for your big day next year? It might chivvy him up a bit to realise that you want more from a birthday then he is giving.

Birdsgottafly · 11/07/2014 05:49

She's been training him a lot longer than you have yours (seriously).

It takes teapots as a gift, then the fallout, to get to themed parties.

My DP once bought me a Blender as a present, top of the range, but not the Guess handbag, I had "shown" him twice, on a shopping trip.

He made that mistake once, as did my former DH.

Communicate your unhappiness.

Minesril · 11/07/2014 06:23

Can't even remember what I did for my 24th, much less what my husband bought me. But we were very broke - not long since leaving Uni, utterly insecure in our careers, saving for our wedding.

On the other hand, husband spoilt me utterly for my 30th.

Please don't be jealous - you and this woman (and indeed her husband) are in completely different points of your lives. I bet she cannot remember her 24th!

KnackeredMuchly · 11/07/2014 09:17

Yes, at 24 your budget is more limited and I completely agree about the training!!

Taken me 12 years of consistent nagging to get vlose, at least I feel he tries but we've had a major blow out recently. My 30th is next week, I know better than to expect lovely things - I have to tell him, explicitly what to do. And he still gets it wrong.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 11/07/2014 11:06

I used to get 20 and a few cards when I was in my 20's, a new maternity dress and a trip to the cinema for my 30th and a massive party, diamond earrings and necklace and a long haul holiday for my 40th. I don't think you can really compare a 24th birthday and a 40th. People are usually at such a different stage of life.

ScarlettDragon · 11/07/2014 11:59

I have to agree with others here 40th is more significant than 24 and she probably has been "training" him a lot longer and they're probably at different stages of their lives than you. My DH recently turned 40 and I booked gorgeous holiday cottage for the weekend and the 5 of us drove down there. I got him an expensive camera as a surprise on top of his main present, plus a ridiculously overpriced birthday cake. For his 24th I think I bought him a pair of jeans and took him for pizza.

Hassled · 11/07/2014 12:02

People are right that you're not comparing like for like - 40 is a bigger deal than 24.

However, 3 cards and a teapot is pretty shit and your DH not making any effort is even shitter. Are things otherwise OK - does he generally act like he cares?

DenyDenyDeny · 11/07/2014 12:03

I get very little for my birthdays as well, and I get a little envious when friends post a table full of flowers and presents with the obligatory "Ive been so spoiled!"

Ive never been spoiled.

Got flowers for my 30th.

Mrsgrumble · 11/07/2014 12:06

She's probably made demands and likes to boost. Maybe not, but that's my guess.

It doesn't mean you're less loved at all!

But you might have to spell it out to your nearest and dearest that you were disappointed or they might think that it's acceptable.

WorraLiberty · 11/07/2014 12:08

What's with all the 'training' comments, he's not a dog Confused

Maybe he's just a guy who likes to spoil his wife on her birthday?

chocoluvva · 11/07/2014 12:08

Are your DH and friends otherwise nice to you?

I know a couple much older than you who don't exchange gifts but otherwise they seem to treat each other with respect and care.

Belated happy birthday from me.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 11/07/2014 12:08

I have several teapots and was delighted when DH bought me one, but then I drink tea and so do my friends.

It's horrible when you think your DH makes no effort, you may just have to spell it out to him. Age is irrelevant, it's about being thoughtful.

WadingThroughCustard · 11/07/2014 12:12

Yes agree with everyone else here, when I was 24 we didn't have a pot to piss in so cant actually remember what or if I got anything. (I do know my 23rd birthday wasn't even acknowledged!!!) Any presents I did receive were practical and usually something that was needed for the house anyway. It was never something just for me!

My 40th is coming up soon and over the last few years the presents have become a lot more thoughtful and expensive, quite simply because we have the money now that we didn't have back then and dh wants to show that he really appreciates me!

We are at a completely different stage in our lives now than we were in our early 20's, it does get better.....I promise!!

littlewhitebag · 11/07/2014 12:20

I don't think my 24th would have been very special. It was however the day after our first wedding anniversary and we celebrated that with a meal out which cost, what I thought then, was an extravagent amount. It would barely buy a cheap lunch these days.

By my 40th we had much more money and I threw a big party and my presents were lovely.

Sometimes I think young people look at what older people have and are envious but forget that they had very little when younger too. My DD's are very guilty of doing this and I have to remind them that when DH and I met and got married we were stony broke. Only time and a lot of hard work has changed that.

Fatteningviolet · 11/07/2014 12:32

That's lovely Custard....you're absolutely right and just wait til you reach 60 Wink

10 months and counting (down) and singing California Here we Come, shameless unstealthy boast!

Happy belated birthday mrsdick...if it helps, my 24th and 25th and 26th and onwards until I spilt up from the first Mr Violet was a crock of shite too! Cake

LEMmingaround · 11/07/2014 12:35

For my 40th I had a chinese take away and no present as we were broke. I am jealous of your friend. But hey ho.

foreverforaging · 11/07/2014 12:37

Well, if it's any consolation, no one made an effort for my 40th.

DH and I were on holiday but only because I had arranged it. Confused

Comparing yourself to others in any shape or form is never good. The upside is that you have youth on your side...

Taffeta · 11/07/2014 12:37

My DH was shit at presents for years until we sat down and had a talk and I explained how offensive I found it that I made the effort for him, all his rellies, DC etc. he only had to buy one present so I expect some effort. He doesn't really value gifts or birthdays and assumed I felt the same.

Since we had the chat he has bought me the most thoughtful, perfect gifts. So when people say "training", I get that.

Also what everyone else said about disposable income as you get older. Be happy for your friend, you have all this to look forward to.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 11/07/2014 12:40

I always arrange my own birthday treat. I'm not bothered about presents but have friends over or go out to the pub in a group. I don't really get this relying on others to plan nice stuff for you.

JackieBrambles · 11/07/2014 12:42

A pony tea party for a 40 year old? Sounds really lovely for a 12th birthday party

When I turn 40 I'd prefer a trip to New york or something!

A 40th birthday is a MUCH bigger deal though OP. My friends started talking about what they wanted to do for their 40ths after they turned 30!

I don't expect a big effort on my birthday, but then again its on January 3rd so people generally don't give a stuff Smile. If I want a treat I'll sort it myself (organise party/drinks etc).

I do expect a reasonable gift from the DH though. Last year part of my present was kitchen tongs. Fucking tongs!! Luckily he also took me shopping for a new handbag so he was forgiven.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/07/2014 12:47

But you hold the trump card....she is 40........(says a bitter 43 year old, lol) and you are only 24!!! Oh to be 24 again.

wantsleepnow · 11/07/2014 12:48

Am I unusual in not caring what I get for my birthday? I'd genuinely be happy if nobody gave me any gifts (I like cards though). DH has occasionally got me something big but it's a bit random and it was a box of chocolates last year.

I don't for a second take it as a reflection on how much he loves me as he does loads of other lovely thoughtful things. They just don't involve spending money on me.

Branleuse · 11/07/2014 12:50

If you want more next year, you probably better start making itclear.

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