to think this is not an adequate thank you

[missknows]

If you sent a child a birthday present would you expect any sort of thanks and if so what?

Didn't give it in person so that is out of the question. Not expecting a formal Thank you card but a quick phone call or even text would be nice. The closest thing to a Thanks is a status on the mum's Facebook saying "son had a lovely day, thanks for all the cards, gifts and the money, he's very happy" (not even tagged so people know it's there).

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that's a bit poor and almost worse than no thanks at all!

MN is the only place I hear of people sending thank you notes or cards.

I sent them after DD was born as it seemed 'the done thing' on here - our friends and family seemed to think I'd gone a bit Stepford

Since when was a thank you for a gift considered a "bonus"??
It's as rude not to say thank you now as it's ever been.

I've never not got a thank you card for a baby present, wedding present or engagement present.

The only time I get worried if I haven't received a thank you is when I've sent gift via post. Then you just don't know if it's got there.
We do informal thank you'd (texts, calls etc) for gifts to us, but get thank you postcards made (Lidl photo gifts - cheap and good quality) for gifts for dd. I know this too can cause a world of pain, though. My dm's bf was apparently pissed at us for a whole day because she'd seen dm's thank you postcard from dd - her own was just delayed in the post, but that was all it took!

Seems a terrible indication of this materialistic throwaway society that lots of people couldn't give a monkey's about thank you's. (Or maybe I have Friday night red wine syndrome....)

I send thank you cards for baby shower and wedding presents.

I do thank you emails or phone calls for one off, birthday or Christmas presents.

It's rude not to say thank you. Yanbu.

There's two issues. If you've sent a parcel by post, and it's not hand delivered, then the recipient (or an appropriate adult) should at the very least acknowledge receipt.

The second issue is the medium of thanks - I don't expect a beautifully written thank you note on vellum or parchment, and am quite happy with email or text. The worst in our family is a photocopied slip, basically saying in grimy grey text Dear (insert name), Thank you for your present, From Small Child. I actually find that more depressing than an email.

I would and have stopped giving gifts if there is repeatedly no effort to thank.

vellum

I am actually shocked at the number of posts saying yabu!!

I think it is incredibly rude to not acknowledge gifts given. I have always written thank you notes to people for birthday, Christmas etc and ensure that dsc's and my dd do the same.

It is good manners but then there are relative few people who believe manners are important ime

I cannot believe the posters saying it's OK not to say thank you for a gift! I'm in shock! Genuinely never realised it was considered normal by so many people not to thank someone for a gift. Yes, you might not necessarily give a thank you card, but not to call or contact someone who has bought you a gift to say thank you is shockingly rude and I'm amazed that some people don't realise that.

I think the people saying no thanks is needed have not realised that the OP has seen the recipient/their parent in person and nothing was mentioned.

I suppose people are no longer being taught any manners. Perhaps their parents don't know the meaning of the word so couldn't teach any.

I posted a birthday present to a mid-teen and heard nothing. I wondered if I'd packed it securely or if it had been lost on its way. I e-mailed the mother to ask if it had arrived and was told breezily, "Oh, yes. It came a few weeks ago!" From not receiving a thank you, I assumed that the recipient had not liked it.

I don't give to receive. That 'edict' does not include thanks. It simply means that one gives and expects to receive a present. I hope for expect thanks just so I know it's arrived safely.

If I give someone something personally by hand, I hold on to it until I get a thanks.

Yanbu - and thatbloodywoman I find it shocking that you think expressing thanks is a 'dull duty'. It's incredibly arrogant that you deem yourself so busy and important that manners are not needed.

However I do wonder how many people have not read the thread and think the op is wanting a formal response after receiving a verbal thank you when giving the gift.

She did thank you, on FB. I don't see why that isn't enough, FB is still a line of communication even if you don't think it's acceptable. YABU.

Did they definitely receive it? We didn't receive a card/gift for a recent birthday from someone who has always sent something previously. I suspect that it may have got 'lost' in the post and they may think I've been really rude by not thanking them (I always thank people; I usually send thank you cards), however I haven't found a way to ask if they actually sent anything as it would be awkward if they hadn't.

My personal rule is that if someone gives the present in person they are thanked then and no more. If it is send or passed on then I send a thank you card. If nothing else, so they know it arrived. Closer friends might get a thanks via email or text.

My sister would always make her kids write a thank you letter when they were younger but they would never ever say thanks you at the time. That used to wind me up. Surely you teach your children to say thank you? Now they are older I get neither usually!

Rude. Don't give again.

YANBU, especially if the present wasn't hand delivered. I don't think you need a note, but you do need to at least say thank you and that the gift has arrived

Domino I am neither arrogant nor important, but I do speak the truth.

Many people I know find the whole thank you letters business a dull duty,but it doesn't mean I don't do it, although I am, indeed, busy.

Domino it is a dull duty but they key word is duty which tells me thatbloodywoman actually does send them because it's her duty and a well mannered polite individual unlike some on here who are selfish and ill mannered who see nothing wrong with generic facebook posts or ignoring it all together

You'll find the other parents are just as busy as you, ThatBloodyWoman, yet they've taken the time and trouble to select a gift for your child and presumably, ferried their children to your children's party; despite other people's kid's parties being akin to the ninth circle of hell...
Why do you think they did it, despite their equal importance busyness?

Flogging I don't quite see why I'm attracting so much fury.

Writing thank you's is dull imo.It's dull to write them on behalf of your child when they are too young to do it themselves, and its dull to be having to be behind an older child to ensure they do it.

It doesn't mean you don't show appreciation/acknowledge receipt of the gift.

Actually, I couldn't care less for thank you's I get that are obviously churned out as a mass produced enforced duty with no real feeling behind them.I don't need gratitude for a gift I freely give to someone I care about, particularly a child.

But, hey, that's me.

In answer to your points, I do not claim a monopoly on busyness.It had never really been something that I was aware of -that some people ferry their children to my dc's parties and buy them gifts simply for the thank you and gratitude.My oversight, obviously.

I take my dc's to others parties because children enjoy parties with their friends.I buy them a present because they're a child and it's their special day.I think its sweet to get a thank you, if its heartfelt, but don't give two hoots if I don't.

But, I have already said that I do write thank yous so as not to offend people who feel differently from me.

I just would prefer it wasn't necessary because I find it a dull duty.It's the way I feel.

Fair enough

That's that sorted then Flogging