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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is lazy and irresponsible parenting and I should maybe report this?

91 replies

OhTheDrama · 09/07/2014 18:21

I really don't think I am and I'm a little annoyed and very concerned. My two DD's (aged 6&9) usually play for an hour or two on our street every afternoon after summer scheme. There are about 5 or 6 of them altogether, eldest being 11 and youngest being 6. It's a quiet-ish street but with some through traffic and they usually play between each other's front gardens, they can either be seen or heard at all times. My two aren't allowed to cross the road without my direct supervision. Myself and all the other parents are very vigilant and keep a good check.

Yesterday I noticed a little girl of about 2 or 3 playing with them and asked my eldest who she was as I hadn't seen her before and thought she was a little young to be out playing. DD1 told me it was 'Zak's' friend', so I presumed she was visiting Zak's house and he had taken her out. Today I noticed the girl again but she was wandering up and down the street on her own, the others including mine were playing in Zak's garden.

I went out and asked the girl if she had lost Zak, she looked confused so I took her to Zak's garden. The children informed me that this little girl lived down the street, across the road and she had wandered down, crossed the road by herself and was asking to play with them. This had happened 2 days in a row. As I looked down I could see their front door open and her toys outside. They all informed me that she had only just turned 3. From me first noticing her to taking her to Zak's garden it was about 30mins. Nobody checked on her or called her name. From her house you cannot see Zak's garden.

I took her back to her house and the mum came to the door after me knocking and calling for a good few minutes. I said I had found her wandering up our street and had brought her back. The mum snapped that she thought our kids were watching her. I replied that no they weren't old enough or responsible enough and walked away. I heard her say 'stupid cow' as I walked away.

I know I'm not BU to be angry that my kids unwittingly had that responsibility put on them by a total stranger but would I be unreasonable to report this as I'm really scared for this poor wee girl. So as not to drip feed we had an attempted child abduction in this area 2 weeks ago.

OP posts:

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/07/2014 11:31

Children shouldn't be used as babysitters (until they are of an age where you'd happily pay them as babysitters - 14-16 depending on location, child, time rtc. Etc.) That is a whole different ball game to being responsible for themselves, of course. Mind you there is a very responsible 11 year old boy who brings his 4 and 3 year old siblings to the park by our house - he is lovely with them, can't fault him... he brought his sister to ours when she cut her knee and needed cleaning up, but I know him to chat to and we live somewhere where going to a neighbor lime that is normal (we are the nearest house). He shouldn't have to do it though, its not fair on the 11 year old, esp as it is regular - I've only seen the parents in the car.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2014 11:38

There is. Green at the front of our house ( no roads) and if my 5 year old plays out I watch him myself.
His 9 year old sister and her friends (9,11,10 and 11) are out there too any I don't expect them to watch him unless it's for 2 minutes while I pop to the loo etc.

salsmum · 10/07/2014 11:38

YANBU does this woman not realise that some DC can actually attack and hurt a small DC of that age??. It may sound far fetched but the Mother doesn't 'know' the DCs her DD is meeting and at that age (2/3) they are quite trusting. I agree very lazy parenting poor child. .

ZanyMobster · 10/07/2014 11:59

Salsmum nothing is far fetched really, I am sure most scenarios you can think of have happened - my mum at age 10 had to look after her 5 yo brother every day including taking him, picking him up from school and cooking his tea. She used to pay him in cigarettes to do her chores, awful and my nan would have beat her if she had caught them but then she shouldn't have left a 10 yo in charge!

TattyDevine · 10/07/2014 12:00

My husband was racing down the hill in his street in a go cart at the age of just over 3.

But then, he was the captain of his local pub's snooker team aged 15...

So I guess I'm on the fence!

hankyspanky · 10/07/2014 12:07

This has reminded me of many, many moons ago!

I was walking DD (now 21) and her friend to nursery when a girl of no more than 3 came running across the road towards us. We do live in a no through road but I am still mindful there will be cars coming to and fro. She latched on to my DD and her friend, happily smiling with no concern of where her parent may be. I asked her where her mummy or daddy was but this too was met by more smiles. I hadn't seen this child around before so assumed she must be new to the area. We walked in the direction she had come from but we were still no clearer of which house she belonged to. As no errant parents were looking for her and I had no idea of where to take her, I had no other choice than to let her walk with us to the nursery. (5 min walk max).
I explained to the nursery staff what had happened and they called the Police. I waited whilst the Police came.
No reports of a missing child had been filed so the Police had to contact SS for someone to come and collect her. The time now was about an hour since the child had come running to us. During this time the child had played happily within the nursery showing no signs of distress.
Approx an hour and twenty mins after first 'finding' her the police had a report of a missing child which matched her description. The parents were told to come and collect her from the nursery. It transpired the child lived in a road backing onto ours which is linked by an alley way.
The parents came sauntering to the nursery 45 mins later. (Bearing in mind it was a 5 min walk!). The parents were Indian and said it was 'normal' to allow their child freedom and she didn't speak English which is why she possibly couldn't converse with me. They then tried to accuse me of taking the child.
Thankfully, the Police and SS were having none of this and very firmly told the parents so. I don't know what happened further as I left.

Would I do the same again? Yes, without a doubt.

hankyspanky · 10/07/2014 12:16

The child was 34 months old.

salsmum · 10/07/2014 12:16

Thank God she found you hanky and not someone who wanted to hurt her. Well done you for protecting her. .

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2014 13:03

I agree mini and that was my primary concern that this toddler does not have the skills to keep herself safe, be it from strangers or other safety hazards. I would have seen if it happened again and if I saw the child out again after speaking to the mum I would have reported.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2014 13:05

Hanky I am mabey it's normal in their country, but in here it's not! I bet they would be accusing and blaming all and Saundry if anything happened to their child!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/07/2014 13:29

I don't think letting a 2 year old wander the streets alone is normal in any culture (except one of extreme poverty where there is nobody to care for the toddlers). The Indian parents I know are most certainly over protective rather than the opposite. There are cultural differences in attitudes to child raising of course, but I think that one is a red herring.

hankyspanky · 10/07/2014 14:32

Mr Tumbles, I don't know whether she was given the freedom to roam the streets, but I do know she wasn't given the same supervision that I would have given to a child of that age.

NannyPhlegm · 10/07/2014 22:29

hanky that is a terrible story, but I must agree with MrTumbles that this is not normal in India. Nor in the neighbouring Asian countries. I am off Indian origin and, if anything, the children in India are over protected. The only place where young children are allowed to roam free is in very poor areas where parents have to work and have no access to childcare and hence leave young babies with older siblings. Even in those cases, they aren't sent out to roam free on their own.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2014 22:32

Sorry mabey just for them then because they are lazy feckers

Staywithme · 10/07/2014 23:27

I used to work with nurses from India and their children were their pride and joy. Not for one minute can I imagine them letting their children play out unsupervised.

OP, well done for doing the right thing. It's now in the hands of the 'powers that be' so at least you can rest easy knowing that you've tried to help that poor child.

GothMummy · 10/07/2014 23:39

Honestly, I am stunned that a 3 year old was out wandering around. My daughter turned 3 last month and I have to watch her all the time... she is still a baby really, very vulnerable, no concept of traffic dangers, and Im sure has no sense of direction and would easily get lost.
Im actually very upset and worried about poor little girl you have posted about. I cant believe her mother was not frantic.

I would report it actually, because it is completely neglectful to allow a toddler to wander the streets unsupervised.

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