To think this is lazy and irresponsible parenting and I should maybe report this?

[OhTheDrama]

I really don't think I am and I'm a little annoyed and very concerned. My two DD's (aged 6&9) usually play for an hour or two on our street every afternoon after summer scheme. There are about 5 or 6 of them altogether, eldest being 11 and youngest being 6. It's a quiet-ish street but with some through traffic and they usually play between each other's front gardens, they can either be seen or heard at all times. My two aren't allowed to cross the road without my direct supervision. Myself and all the other parents are very vigilant and keep a good check.

Yesterday I noticed a little girl of about 2 or 3 playing with them and asked my eldest who she was as I hadn't seen her before and thought she was a little young to be out playing. DD1 told me it was 'Zak's' friend', so I presumed she was visiting Zak's house and he had taken her out. Today I noticed the girl again but she was wandering up and down the street on her own, the others including mine were playing in Zak's garden.

I went out and asked the girl if she had lost Zak, she looked confused so I took her to Zak's garden. The children informed me that this little girl lived down the street, across the road and she had wandered down, crossed the road by herself and was asking to play with them. This had happened 2 days in a row. As I looked down I could see their front door open and her toys outside. They all informed me that she had only just turned 3. From me first noticing her to taking her to Zak's garden it was about 30mins. Nobody checked on her or called her name. From her house you cannot see Zak's garden.

I took her back to her house and the mum came to the door after me knocking and calling for a good few minutes. I said I had found her wandering up our street and had brought her back. The mum snapped that she thought our kids were watching her. I replied that no they weren't old enough or responsible enough and walked away. I heard her say 'stupid cow' as I walked away.

I know I'm not BU to be angry that my kids unwittingly had that responsibility put on them by a total stranger but would I be unreasonable to report this as I'm really scared for this poor wee girl. So as not to drip feed we had an attempted child abduction in this area 2 weeks ago.

We have a neighbour who sends out her own 4 year old and 2 year old foster children to play when mine are out. I don't like the mother so probably unfair but I don't like how she assumes mine will watch the kids or how she neglects vulnerable children.

I don't think any 3 year olds have much any road sense but i heard that at that age they are unable to judge things like speed/distance so even if they did know to look both ways, etc they are very likely to midjudge and cross at an inappropriate time.

Good on you for reporting.

A 3yo boy has just recently been found drowned in a pool after wandering away from his own garden. This age is MUCH too young to be left unsupervised. I would report.

Glad you reported, OP. There are so many things that can go wrong with this scenario. As well as things already mentioned even if you and your neighbours know that your older children are lovely and kind and even if they are well supervised, how the hell does she know that if she's not even looking out for her own child? There's so many ways that a 3 year old could come to harm in the hands of older children.

I remember a neighbour when I was in my mid teens - who had three little girls ages ranging from 3 to 7 or 8 (I think). My Dad called them the 'squealies at the bottom of the garden' - they were all blond often dressed very lightly (in summer anyway) and they would be turfed out of the house in the morning by their mum while she ironed the curtains and hoovered - her house was kept pristine. My Mum usually had them clustered round her as she baked or listened to the radio or whatever - they would draw or she would french plait their hair. The back gardens in our estate were arranged facing in to each other in rows so there was a narrow footpath between the back gate and fences and the gardens with 5 houses in each row. The Squealies lived opposite and to the left of our garden so they weren't running into a busy road but the mother clearly wasn't very interested in caring for her children herself.

SS involvement never occurred to my parents as far as I am aware, Mum kept an eye on them when she was around but it was just the way they were. As a 15 yo I was irritated by the girls but was out most of the time they were around and it didn't really worry me until I was looking back at the situation years later.

I think people give 'too much credit' to young children who appear calm/sensible etc.

Mine are 6 and 4 and I had a perfect example of this last week. They were outside my mums house, which is at the end of a cul de sac. For about 3 houses the end of the cul de sac is level, then it slopes downwards to the corner, where the street curves back on itself iyswim. Complete blind bend.

They were playing with a tennis ball at the top end of the cul de sac. Ds2 made a duff throw, off goes the ball bouncing down the hill. My sister runs after it, but so do the dc. I shout for them to stop, they both ignore and keep going. I shout again (banshee like), nope, nothing, they keep running.

Both dc fly off the end of the pavement right across the blind bend at the end as they were both 100% focused on the tennis ball. They didn't even hear me (standing about 20 ft away). It is a very quiet cul de sac, but it's still a road, you still get cars coming up and down every few minutes and it turns me cold to think what would have happened had there been a car at that second. They wouldn't have been seen.

Both of my dc (especially 6 year old) are very 'sensible', good road sense, careful etc etc. But give two young children a runaway ball (or an interesting cat/dog/pigeon/anything the other side) then road sense goes out of the window.

I've seen quite a few posts about 6 year olds being allowed to walk short distances alone...and I just don't think they're old enough at all. On the face of it they seem like a smaller version of an adult by 6 who can be explained to, reasoned to. But in reality, 6 is too young.

Violet while no rational person would disagree that a 3 year old needs adult supervision, 6 year olds have been walking to school without adults since the mysts of time, and continue to do so in most countries - the UK is in the minority in its attitude to this. Continental European children are trained up through Kindergaryen and parents and most are fully capable of a short walk to school without a parent at 6 (busy crossings are staffed by parent volunteers - side roads are not).

My 6 year old would not and does not follow a ball onto the road - the situation has occurred more than one - he howls for calls for me to retrieve it, which I do.

In my personal opinion, 6 is still too young to be unsupervised whilst out and about, near roads/water bodies/other dangers etc. At 6 they have a veneer of being sensible which in most cases is only skin deep. They are still impressionable, thoughtless, spontaneous...all of which are not a good mix when unsupervised near roads or other dangers.

Yet still they walk to school in their tens of thousands across Germany (and many other countries) every year, and live to see 7 unscathed. Of course they can't cross busy roads unsupervised, but they certainly can play out and walk 500 meters to school at 6. It must be partly being brought up with being capable of that at 6 in mind, but absolutely they can - because they do.

Mr Tumbles - regarding the ball, yes, usually (in every case ever until last week) so do mine.

We've played on many village green type places where a ball has bounced away. Ds1 will always, always stop and call. He's had it drummed into him from age 2.

This was a very specific set of circumstances. A new, very bouncy ball. Over excitement, and a situation where a ball is rolling away and your fingers are millimetres away, you're almost touching it, nearly, nearly, so you keep going. They were hysterical with laughter, oblivious to everything but the ball...then over a road.

DS1 was mortified afterwards. Really mortified (even before the telling off). It was a one off, of that i'm sure. It's never happened before.

But a one off is all you need.

You did the right thing. I'm no fan of dobbing people in but best SS checks the parents out, perhaps they aren't coping with the second baby and do need extra help.

I think that the reception age child that wanders around near us is young enough - but 3 is far too young!!!

I think that they just assume that as your children are playing that their is some level of supervision and that their child will be "safe".

I was also shocked at the weekend to have an 8/9 year old tag along with us at the park - he was unsupervised for almost an hour and tried to come home with us (and would have done!)

When I give my DS such close supervision, I find it hard to believe why other parents are so casual about where their children are and what they're doing.

I'm so shocked at posters saying "wait to see if it happens again"! Is there a magic number whereby neglect is suddenly UNacceptable?!

The Children's society refer to all the 'layers of the onion' - in other words the number of people who 'don't want to make a fuss' or 'wait to see if it happens again' when they encounter an abused or neglected child. You Won't be one of those layers, well done.

Violet yes, of course a one off is all you need, and every situation is obviously quickly, almost subconciously, risk assessed by most parents as they go along (though nobody gets it right every time). I used to teach teens in the UK, and they'd step out in front of cars so often - a group stepped out in front of me once - 4 girls, just a few minutes walk from school, messing about and laughing and not looking where they were going they just started diagonally across the road without warning or looking - luckily I stopped in time, no harm done except a good telling off but if somebody had been driving faster or looking down at the radio or whatever it could have been a different story. In 4 years at that school at least 5 separate teens were involved in accidents as pedestrians, and one lost her leg, very sadly.

I do sometimes wonder though if some of the accidents might have been avoided if they'd been slowly allowed to develop independant responsibility early on, with hood teaching and gradual steps, rather than driven to school or walked without taking responsibility because anadult was in charge til age 11, then been left to get on eith it all of a sudden - thrown in at the deep end - at secondary age.

I was told that children up to about 10 YO can not be relied upon to NOT follow a ball into the road, not necessarily every time but apparently they just have that reflex to go and get it. I think it is very smug to suggest a 6 YO would NEVER do it.

I really do not understand the need to give children of a very young age more freedom than they actually need, my DCS are 8 & 6 and DS1 in particular is very sensible but at 8 he is not worldly enough to cope with every situation that may arise if he was out on his own. We are gradually introducing more independence of course and totally understand that other people have difference views which I do not judge even if I don't understand.

There surely is no argument for it to be ok for a 3 YO though.

• last post is about 6 year olds, not 3 year olds!

I agree with MrTumbles re the gradual introduction, I am definitely guilty of doing most of the checking when crossing the road etc but I am now consciously making sure that is not the case as obviously I want them to be very careful when they are eventually out on their own.

I also agree with gradual introduction. When we cross roads i'm never the one to check, the dc have to tell me when it's safe (obviously i'm aware too). I'm really not a helicopter parent and they get plenty of freedom appropriate for age.

But there are certain things I don't think are necessary. I don't think it's necessary for a 6 year old to walk to school, or the shop, alone even if it is only a 3 or 4 minute walk.

I wonder what that mother would say if anything were to happen to her child. Would she blame your children who were 'supposed to be looking after her!'

I would go with reporting it. Especially if there has recently been an abduction in the area, it's not worth the risk waiting to see what happens.

Have a 3 year old and a 6 year old a(and an 8 year old) nd absolutely not arguing there is anything ok about an unsupervised 3 year old. I live in Germany, though I am British, which is why my take on this is different. I must say the parents here are absolutely not (in general) casual or careless, there is a very strong ethos that the responsible thing for a parent to do is teach self reliance, and a balance of freedom and responsibility - the whole forest Kindergarten route etc. is based around this in part, and it does seem very sucessful. I dislike a lot of things I see here, but very much love the way young children grow up (in the countryside anyway).

• again - my take on 6 year olds not 3 year olds - should be working, must leave my phone and MN alone!

Funnily enough, I read this and yesterday took my DD aged 6 to the park where three lads between the ages of about 9 and 11 were in charge of a boy of no more than 3 tops.

They spent their time ignoring him while he ran about in tears. He was FAR too small to be in their charge. They played football, didn't let him join in and eventually when he got too loud one of them picked him up and said "I'll take you to Nanny" so I assume the lad's Mum and Dad weren't home.

I wish I felt more comfortable to give my boys more freedom but it is just not safe round here at the moment.

I really don't think children should ever be responsible for other children, I am not sure I would ever be ok with this until they are at least 15. I looked after my friends DCs age 9 and 2 for the weekend and I had no stair gates so my friend said if I need to go for a wee or something then to ask the 9 YO to watch the little one for a minute, I did so, he said yes and by the time I had got upstairs to the bathroom the little one was half way up the stairs.

He is a really sensible boy but had got distracted by the x-box within about 30 seconds.