Dp and I have been dating for 4 years. I have a 6 year old and he has a 5 and 8 year old whom he sees once per month. We have a one year old together and I've just discovered I'm pregnant. We were supposed to move in together before our one year old was born but he made a career choice that meant we couldn't. We separated for a few months but are now back together and he wants us to move in together and have this baby.
In my time as a single mum I've studied and managed to get a degree. I was planning to begin teacher training in September, but obviously this pregnancy has temporarily changed this. He works long hours, shifts and is away for periods at short notice. He can provide no support with the dc. His salary wouldn't be able to stretch to childcare even if I managed to fund teacher training so moving in with him effectively means I'll never have a career.
His dc only visit once per month as he only has one weekend off. They wake the whole house at 5 am, when he's working he wakes everyone at 6 am. This effectively means no lay ins ever again - this may sound a bit pathetic but my eldest has night terrors, youngest has never slept more than 4 hours and obviously the baby will keep me up, too so I'll be extremely sleep deprived which wouldn't be helpful when I'd be doing all day time childcare plus night wakings.
He has much lower standards of cleanliness than me to the point I think it's gross. I.e. His dog had diarrhoea indoors after an operation - he just picked it up with a tissue but didn't clean the floor. The bottom.of his toilet is permanently stained from lack of cleaning. His draining board has black crusty water residue. I don't mind cleaning my and the dcs mess, but think I'd resent cleaning and tidying after him.
My eldest has ASD and he constantly forgets/ignores her quirks which leads to meltdowns and it's just easier all round without him. I don't know if I'm just selfish and too set in my ways as a single mum (which dp thinks) or if I'm right in thinking moving in with really isn't an attractive prospect for me in any way. Obviously it'd be nice for the younger two to live with their father but it seems its to the detriment of everything else. Aibu and a cow, or are my instincts right and I should stick with being alone?