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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at my neighbours' behaviour last night?

71 replies

MatildaV · 06/07/2014 13:49

This is my first AIBU, so go gentle ;-)

I live in a cul-de-sac where there are about 100 properties - a mix of flats and houses. All very small (new build) and therefore close together. There are communal gardens, and my property overlooks the main part of these, which is a lawned area. Several months ago, a Facebook group was created for residents of the development, mainly because we have been having problems with the management company. It was suggested on this group a few weeks ago that we all have a little get together one afternoon/evening, as no one really knows one another (always out at work).

This get together was arranged for yesterday evening, starting about 6pm. I decided not to go because it's not really my kind of thing and I also have 21 month old twins who start getting ready for bed about that time. I knew there'd obviously be some noise but was fine with that and happy for it to go ahead.

So, the party starts and it's no problem (apart from having to listen to Bon Fucking Jovi all night - what decade are we in again?). I thought they'd wind it up by 11pm at the latest, but the music was still going after this, with people obviously getting more and more pissed. It woke my son up at about 11.30pm - he was wide awake and ended up in bed with me. I just kept thinking it would finish in a minute, but we were both lying there wide awake an hour later. My son was practically bouncing around at this point.

I looked on the Facebook group and noticed that a few people had posted photos and were obviously on Facebook at that time. At just before 1am, I put a very polite message on the group, saying I didn't want to ruin anybody's fun, but could the music please be turned down/off and explained that my son was awake. There was no response and the noise carried on for at least another hour.

This morning, there's loads of people posting in the Facebook group about what a great night it was, how their neighbours are such wonderful people, and how we should all do it again soon. One person commented on my post and said sorry for the noise, hope you got back to sleep. I felt like posting "yes I did get to sleep, at 2 o'fucking clock, and was then woken up by my daughter at 6am". But I restrained myself.

AIBU? Am I just a sleep deprived killjoy? I should point out that there were maybe 20-25 people at this party, so it wasn't a case of every single person who lives here going and me being the only one who didn't fancy it. It probably represented about 15 of the properties on the development.

OP posts:
scarletforya · 06/07/2014 13:52

The party was finished by 2am on a Saturday night?

If it's not a regular thing I would just let it go.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 13:56

I think YABU. You were invited, it was a Saturday night, not a weekday. And you cannot expect the whole world to live their lives around your children.

Most of us on here either have or have had young children - other people are entitled to get together and let their hair down.

I think you may have made yourself look a little silly, sorry to say.

WorraLiberty · 06/07/2014 13:56

Was the music extremely loud or just loud?

mercifulgibbon · 06/07/2014 13:57

For the sake of a one off and the fact that you have to live near these people, I'd suck it up this time or you will forever be the person who complained that one time everyone was getting to know each other. Dragging it out won't change what happened. If another gathering is announced really soon maybe then you bring it up in relation to an agreed turn the music down time. If it doesn't happen for months, it's not a big deal.

I always think it could be so much worse and it could be every night.

Squeegle · 06/07/2014 13:59

I agree; just let it go. It doesn't happen often, and it was nice of someone to comment hope you got back to sleep ok.

SavoyCabbage · 06/07/2014 13:59

I think one off parties are something you have to put up with. Our neighbours had one for his ds when he turned 18 and he told us in advance.

We put our dc in bed in our room as it was the furthest away from the noise and played classical music to drown out their music.

It wasn't great for us but it's not happening all the time. People have to have fun sometimes. I'm sure when my dc are screaming their heads off on the slip and slide that pisses people off too.

DoJo · 06/07/2014 14:02

As a one-off that you were warned about and invited to, I think it's quite reasonable to have a party on a Saturday night. Nice though it would be for the world to fall silent so that kids can go to bed, it's not realistic. They apologised and asked after you, which was kind. If they suggest another party, then perhaps you could suggest that someone a little further away host it next time to share the noise load, but that's all you can really do.

betsyisabadkitten · 06/07/2014 14:03

Christ almighty, I appreciate that you have young kids but a one off party on a Saturday night really isn't unreasonable at all!!! If it were every weekend you might have a point, but you can't expect your entire cul-de-sac to consider that you have children whenever they want to do something together.

I think it's great that your neighbours do all want to get to know each other. And I also think posting on Facebook was a bit weird of you!

Chocotrekkie · 06/07/2014 14:09

I would leave it - next time a party is planned is the time to talk about it. Just post "can we all agree to stop the music at 11 please - kids need to sleep :)"

I would think most people sitting at home sober would think this is reasonable - late a night when drunk and having a great time you posting "turn the music off" isn't going to happen.

ilovesooty · 06/07/2014 14:12

If it's not a regular event YABU I think. It was a community party, on a Saturday and I think FB messaging them was a bit strange.

Original poster
MatildaV · 06/07/2014 14:12

Worra, it depends what you call extremely loud I suppose - the bass was booming through my bedroom.

Just to clarify, I am going to let it go, I suppose I've posted my frustration here just to get it out and I won't be making any further comments to anybody IRL about it. I also won't be saying don't do it again, I just think that maybe a cut-off time could be agreed.

I think I just find it a bit disrespectful - they obviously knew from the number of people there that there were many, many people who hadn't come, for whatever reason, and would be trying to get to sleep. Noise travels a lot from people in the communal garden due to the layout of the properties, and it's something I'm always conscious of myself - I close the windows when my children have tantrums as I don't want anyone to be disturbed, and that's in the day.

OP posts:
mousmous · 06/07/2014 14:17

I think yanbu
even if it isn't a regular thing at 11pm the latest it should be quiet

DoJo · 06/07/2014 14:20

But presumably many of the people that didn't go were out, having guests over themselves or doing things which weren't affected by the noise - not everyone who wasn't there would have been going to bed at 11 o'clock, or even necessarily bothered if they could hear the music. I understand that sleep deprivation is a bitch, but neighbourly noise is just one of those things that you have to live with when you share space like that.

andsmile · 06/07/2014 14:25

I would be annoyed OP but I would have to let it go too.

CoffeeTea103 · 06/07/2014 14:30

You made yourself a bit of an idiot by posting that on fb tbh, singled yourself out.

Original poster
MatildaV · 06/07/2014 14:34

To put the FB message in context, it's not out of the ordinary to post something like that within the group. It's a closed group and people post much worse things than the polite message that I put on.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/07/2014 14:45

If it was that loud, I doubt you will have been the only person who complained.

I agree with the PP who said leave it and see if they do actually go ahead with another one. If they do, you could perhaps mention a time for the music to be turned down.

But I disagree with whoever said '11pm at the latest'.

That's far too early for a Saturday night, though I would expect the bass/volume to be reduced at midnight.

Original poster
MatildaV · 06/07/2014 14:48

I think 11pm is widely agreed to be an acceptable time for noise to stop. Our lease has a clause in it to be quiet between the hours of 11pm-8am (not that I'm bringing this up with anyone! I'm just using it as an example of what's generally seen as an acceptable time). It doesn't really matter to me what day of the week it is.

OP posts:
DoJo · 06/07/2014 14:49

I second asking to turn the bass down - that will carry much more than the upper register noise and shouldn't impact too much on their fun!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 14:49

Only you can gauge how your post may have come across in the closed F/Book group, Matilda. However, if it were me in your position, I'd now post something along the lines of "Glad you all had a lovely evening. Sorry if I sounded a bit 'complainy', I was just tired and children playing up. (You know how it is) We'd love to come to the next gathering if we can."

Children are actually pretty adaptable, and if you take them in their pushchairs, they will often fall asleep amidst loads of noise (Even Bon Jovi) Smile

I know not everyone will agree with this, but we've taken our children out and about to all sorts of places, not always convenient, but sometimes it has to be done. They do adapt, and will fall asleep if they're tired. Take them in their pyjamas, attend for a little while, then make your excuses when you're ready to leave, and the children can be to be 'thrown' into their beds

There are times when your children have to adapt to what you want to do - you don't completely have to live your life around your children.

It was a nice, rare, get-together. It's nice to know your neighbours. Who knows when they may be able to do you a good turn?

goodasitgets · 06/07/2014 14:50

YANBU. I have to be up at 5.45am on a Saturday and Sunday. Music up until 11/12 doesn't bother me but after that I think it should be turned down
I'm probably sounding precious posting this but I have a job I can't afford to do when tired or on 3hrs sleep

WorraLiberty · 06/07/2014 14:52

I think 11pm is far to early for noise to actually stop.

Many adults don't arrive at a party before 9pm.

Reduced volume - yes but stopping altogether is a bit ridiculous imo.

Original poster
MatildaV · 06/07/2014 14:55

I'm juts saying it's generally acceptable. If you look at it the other way round, would it be acceptable for me to take my children out into the communal gardens as soon as they wake up at 5.30-6am and let them run around screeching?

OP posts:
Original poster
MatildaV · 06/07/2014 14:56

just

OP posts:
XiX · 06/07/2014 14:57

YANBU - they simply didn't care that they were keeping you awake. I think that is mean of them, they could have turned the music off and still chatted without causing quite so much disturbance. The 'it's a one off' thing doesn't work when there are a hundred homes.