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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pissed off at my neighbours' behaviour last night?

71 replies

MatildaV · 06/07/2014 13:49

This is my first AIBU, so go gentle ;-)

I live in a cul-de-sac where there are about 100 properties - a mix of flats and houses. All very small (new build) and therefore close together. There are communal gardens, and my property overlooks the main part of these, which is a lawned area. Several months ago, a Facebook group was created for residents of the development, mainly because we have been having problems with the management company. It was suggested on this group a few weeks ago that we all have a little get together one afternoon/evening, as no one really knows one another (always out at work).

This get together was arranged for yesterday evening, starting about 6pm. I decided not to go because it's not really my kind of thing and I also have 21 month old twins who start getting ready for bed about that time. I knew there'd obviously be some noise but was fine with that and happy for it to go ahead.

So, the party starts and it's no problem (apart from having to listen to Bon Fucking Jovi all night - what decade are we in again?). I thought they'd wind it up by 11pm at the latest, but the music was still going after this, with people obviously getting more and more pissed. It woke my son up at about 11.30pm - he was wide awake and ended up in bed with me. I just kept thinking it would finish in a minute, but we were both lying there wide awake an hour later. My son was practically bouncing around at this point.

I looked on the Facebook group and noticed that a few people had posted photos and were obviously on Facebook at that time. At just before 1am, I put a very polite message on the group, saying I didn't want to ruin anybody's fun, but could the music please be turned down/off and explained that my son was awake. There was no response and the noise carried on for at least another hour.

This morning, there's loads of people posting in the Facebook group about what a great night it was, how their neighbours are such wonderful people, and how we should all do it again soon. One person commented on my post and said sorry for the noise, hope you got back to sleep. I felt like posting "yes I did get to sleep, at 2 o'fucking clock, and was then woken up by my daughter at 6am". But I restrained myself.

AIBU? Am I just a sleep deprived killjoy? I should point out that there were maybe 20-25 people at this party, so it wasn't a case of every single person who lives here going and me being the only one who didn't fancy it. It probably represented about 15 of the properties on the development.

OP posts:

goodasitgets · 06/07/2014 14:58

I don't think it is acceptable. Turn the music down and turn the bass off. Am not adverse to parties but it's really fucking annoying when you're exhausted, have to be up in 3hrs and be able to concentrate in a job where being tired could kill someone
Earplugs work a bit but not for bass

Iffy2014 · 06/07/2014 15:04

Agreed with Worra, 11pm would be very early for noise to stop all together. And it being a Saturday instead of a weekday does make a difference, as the majority of adults don't work weekends. Saturdays are still traditionally the best choice for a party in the UK.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 15:09

Matilda - If you let your neighbours know in advance that you wanted to take your children out into the communal gardens at that time, and invited them along to join in the party, then no problem, as long as it wasn't every day. Would you be providing drinks and snacks? A one-off every now and again, just the same as the evening gathering you described in your OP.

As I said before - most of society has or has had babies and young children - you cannot expect everyone to stop their lives just because they may be annoying you.

When you were a teenager/young adult, for instance, did you honestly give a flying fig about your neighbours' babies/young children, or how you may have been annoying them? Or whether or not they approved of the music you were playing very loudly (bon Jovi or otherwise)?

Can you honestly say you've never annoyed a neighbour?

XiX · 06/07/2014 15:12

To those that would happily play loud music until very late wouldn't you feel guilty keeping your nieghbours awake. I would feel awful doing that. I'd rather hire a hall or just start the party earlier.

Lots of people go to sleep befor 11.

Obviously its ok if you have checked with your neighbours and they don't mind.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 15:21

We have neighbours who sometimes play music with loud chat until the early hours for a party they're having. As it doesn't happen often, we put up with it, most certainly at weekends (I have felt a bit miffed when it has happened on a weekday, have to be honest).

BUT - because it doesn't happen that often, then I think it's acceptable.

Personally speaking, if it's us, then I warn any neighbours not invited and all is well.

LIZS · 06/07/2014 15:22

Perhaps you should have made it clear that you wanted the noise turned down at 11pm, in advance. Doing so by FB seems a bit late and passive-aggressive.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 15:22

Obviously its ok if you have checked with your neighbours and they don't mind

I think one of the points of the OP? OP did know in advance, was invited, declined, then moaned about it.

Just interested - If you let all the neighbours know in advance, they were all invited, some declined and didn't agree to the gathering, then they complained. What would the viewpoint be then? Genuine question, as I really wouldn't know the answer to that.

sugaryonthesurface · 06/07/2014 15:25

I feel yanbu because it was an event to bring neighbours together so if it was me id think theyd be considerate to people around them.

Original poster

MatildaV · 06/07/2014 15:26

^When you were a teenager/young adult, for instance, did you honestly give a flying fig about your neighbours' babies/young children, or how you may have been annoying them? Or whether or not they approved of the music you were playing very loudly (bon Jovi or otherwise)? grin

Can you honestly say you've never annoyed a neighbour?^

The only time it has possibly happened would be noise from my babies crying, which I am paranoid about and, like I've said earlier, I close windows if they are and try to keep them quiet. I've never played music so loud that it would keep other people awake. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's rude.

OP posts:

NotNewButNameChanged · 06/07/2014 15:26

Am astonished so many people think it's perfectly OK to play musical ridiculously loud between 1am and 2am. And saying "But it's a Saturday" as if it's acceptable to be anti-social because it's that particular day of the week - come on!

I'm not a killjoy and I can accept loud music even if it's not a one-off but sorry, loud music that carries on beyond midnight is unacceptable.

Original poster

MatildaV · 06/07/2014 15:29

The invite was a general invite on Facebook. It was along the lines of "we are having this party, would people prefer this date or that date?" There was no discussion about it taking place and no option for anyone to say, "actually, I'd rather it didn't happen". For me to object at that point would have been rude, and I genuinely did think that it would be finished a lot earlier than it was, so why would I raise any problems in advance?

OP posts:

hennybeans · 06/07/2014 15:29

YANBU at all. I think people who want to stay up late and party with load music need to go elsewhere like a pub, club, or hire the nearest community centre. You have a right to quiet at night in your own home.

Why couldn't they have an afternoon party- bbq sort of thing so that more neighbours, including children, could be involved? I don't think playing loud music is considerate at any time at night and am glad I live somewhere my neighbours agree with me.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 06/07/2014 15:33

Matilda - It actually might have been a very good idea to object at that point, if only to explain your reasons. "I have young children, can't come and would therefore be very happy for the loudness not to continue until silly-late!.

HennyBeans made a good suggestion, especially now the nicer(?) weather may be looming. Afternoon BBQ, so children can be included too.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/07/2014 15:37

Even for a one-off on a Saturday night, I think midnight is the cut-off for loud music. People can stay out socialising after that, but with the music turned down. It's common courtesy in built-up areas like that, IMO.

magpiegin · 06/07/2014 15:39

I think YABU as long as it is only a rare occasion. I also agree to suggesting a communal BBQ. That could work in your favour as if you make friends with a few neighbours and they have further parties then a quick text to say the kids are awake may persuade them to keep

MsVenus · 06/07/2014 16:41

Let it go but perhaps suggest a nore child friendly daytime picnic lunch so the noise doesn't disturb your evening routine too much for next time.

Shonajay · 06/07/2014 16:51

If you warned everyone beforehand, that would be fine if it was a one off. I think YABU you obviously don't agree, but unless its a regular thing I don't think it's particularly OTT. It's nice the neighbours get on- I mean your kids will one day be old enough for you to join in.

JulietBravoJuliet · 06/07/2014 16:52

I love Bon Jovi misses point of thread completely

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/07/2014 17:10

Playing really loud music after midnight in a residential area is a shitty thing to do.

Rockdoctor · 06/07/2014 17:25

I'm following this thread with interest as the same thing happened to us recently. Music (and really loud DJ) went on until 1.30am - I was promising DD (4) that it would stop by midnight and it didn't.

Neighbours put a note through the door earlier in the week to warn us but it was a private party so no invite. Really not sure whether to be annoyed or not, but am thinking of asking for more notice if they decide to do it again so I can at least take the kids to my mums for the night.

TalisaMaegyr · 06/07/2014 17:34

Blimey. It's not like it's a regular thing, is it? I cannot believe the fuss some of you are making. I know it's annoying to have a disturbed night, but fgs, just get on with it!

LastTango · 06/07/2014 17:37

I won't be making any further comments to anybody IRL about it

Well, seeing as you didn't go to meet anybody I can't see how you could!!

GnomeDePlume · 06/07/2014 17:40

We had similar here - neighbours partied late, loud and drunk. I enjoyed some loud dog fussing out in the garden first thing this morning (DCs too old for loud parenting). Revenge is a dish best eaten early, cold and sober!

If it doesnt happen often then just enjoy your clear head today.

maddy68 · 06/07/2014 17:40

Sorry yes you were a killjoy. You were invited and declined then moaned about the noise. It's a party, there will be noise

liz5029 · 06/07/2014 17:40

Yanbu loud noise should stop at 11am, theres plenty of people who work sundays who need to sleep

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