To feel pissed off at my neighbours' behaviour last night?

[MatildaV]

This is my first AIBU, so go gentle ;-)

I live in a cul-de-sac where there are about 100 properties - a mix of flats and houses. All very small (new build) and therefore close together. There are communal gardens, and my property overlooks the main part of these, which is a lawned area. Several months ago, a Facebook group was created for residents of the development, mainly because we have been having problems with the management company. It was suggested on this group a few weeks ago that we all have a little get together one afternoon/evening, as no one really knows one another (always out at work).

This get together was arranged for yesterday evening, starting about 6pm. I decided not to go because it's not really my kind of thing and I also have 21 month old twins who start getting ready for bed about that time. I knew there'd obviously be some noise but was fine with that and happy for it to go ahead.

So, the party starts and it's no problem (apart from having to listen to Bon Fucking Jovi all night - what decade are we in again?). I thought they'd wind it up by 11pm at the latest, but the music was still going after this, with people obviously getting more and more pissed. It woke my son up at about 11.30pm - he was wide awake and ended up in bed with me. I just kept thinking it would finish in a minute, but we were both lying there wide awake an hour later. My son was practically bouncing around at this point.

I looked on the Facebook group and noticed that a few people had posted photos and were obviously on Facebook at that time. At just before 1am, I put a very polite message on the group, saying I didn't want to ruin anybody's fun, but could the music please be turned down/off and explained that my son was awake. There was no response and the noise carried on for at least another hour.

This morning, there's loads of people posting in the Facebook group about what a great night it was, how their neighbours are such wonderful people, and how we should all do it again soon. One person commented on my post and said sorry for the noise, hope you got back to sleep. I felt like posting "yes I did get to sleep, at 2 o'fucking clock, and was then woken up by my daughter at 6am". But I restrained myself.

AIBU? Am I just a sleep deprived killjoy? I should point out that there were maybe 20-25 people at this party, so it wasn't a case of every single person who lives here going and me being the only one who didn't fancy it. It probably represented about 15 of the properties on the development.

YANBU at all! Poor you. I don't care what day of the year it is. Amplified music shouldn't be audible after 11:00.

Do you live near me op?
The exact same thing happened to me last night! Both my children were kept awake until the early hours due to loud, drunken partying in the communal area right which is directly outside our bedroom windows!

I thought it was incredibly rude.

I dont see how anyone can say its fine tbh.Everyone has the right to go to bloody sleep regardless of what day it is and to be that loud outside after midnight is unfair.You cant get away from the noise its outside your home and I doubt anyone who just wanted to ho to sleep would just sit on their bed grinning thinking heyho its just tonight. It really is inconsiderate.If you want to have a party then fine but why should everyone else have a crap night so you can have a good one?

Hence the reason loud noise shouldnt be on after 11.00.Thats why this rule is there.

I think that if they organize another one, you could put in a request before it happens that noise stops at 11 pm, as your lease indicates it should, and point out that many people have young children who don't know what day of the week it is - they'll be woken up and cry, then still wake up at silly o'clock in the morning.

I'm the most noise intolerant person I know, and a very light sleeper, but under the circumstances - pre arranged, forewarned and in the context of getting to know each other - as long as its just an occasional event I don't see the problem. In fact it sounds lovely to have a social occasion right on your doorstep, not far to stagger home!
Re the argument about hearing your kids noise early morning, even though I'm sure you have been considerate, chances are your neighbours have heard your kids screaming, or you telling them off, or your car doors banging as you leave for some weekend activity. And they haven't said anything because they know it to be an occasional occurrence, just like this. It doesn't have to be 6am, I remember the halcyon days pre-kids when I would stay in bed till lunchtime, plenty of time for all manner of outdoor noises to annoy me.

You didn't want the party from the start; even it were to finish at 9pm. You didn't want to go from the start. You had notice of it well in advance. maybe you could stay with some friends/relatives next time? You can't expect them to not go ahead because one person objects. It was not particularly offensive
And as for being paranoid about your children crying, don't be. Yours won't be the first baby that they have heard. Our neighbours have twins and they cry a lot and Mum and Dad are always apologising! My answer is : It is such a temporary phase it's not worth even apologising. It won't go on for years. It's all about give and take, and being understanding and compromising. We get on great with the neighbours!

Gosh, we have a garden square party every summer (London garden square, v built up) and we usually have a live band that doesn't finish til 1ish. Lots of families and kids and we never get any complaints - it's the 1 day of the year we can all commune and socialise together, so everyone just deals with it. It'd be a real downer to have to finish so early - esp on these summer evenings when it's not even dark til late.

I agree with you, OP: massively loud music until 2am is inconsiderate. I personally wouldn't play it after 11pm, but I think that's because I've had the misfortune of having a whole string of noisy neighbours in the past and am now very conscious of being considerate myself. Not everyone has Sunday off, for starters. I would be able to tolerate it until midnight but then I think I'd get a bit grumpy too.

i'm with you turn the bloody music down and off by 11.30 latest whether it is a Saturday night or not its disrespectful to those who choose not to go.

Ha ha, blueballoon, where do you live?

Yes the band goes til 1am. As I said, noone has complained. 11pm is really very very early.

FGS angeltulips 11:00 is not very early! Some people have shifts to work, chronic illnesses or 101 other reasons to want or need their sleep at normal bedtime. If people want to burst their eardrums, they should go to a nightclub! If they want to socialise till silly o clock, they can sit and chat, or even, retreat into one of the houses like civilised peoples.

Op I doubt anyone was checking the facebook group during the party. I understand the annoyance, but as its not a regular thing and is over then I think you need to let go. Maybe go over for a drink to the next party and suggest music volume is lowered 11pm. Of there is even a next one planned?

I think 1.00am as a one off party on a Saturday night is OK.

My ex next door neighbours used to have a party about once every two months which went on to that time. While I didn't find it great with a toddler and a new born I don't think they found me that great with the baby screaming his head off nearly every day and night for months.

They didn't complain and I didn't complain and we all rubbed along nicely as a neighbourhood.

fluffymouse, they definitely were on FB as they were posting photos and making comments in the group. The group also shows who has "seen" your post and plenty of them definitely did as soon as I posted, yet still carried on. That's what pissed me off more than the actual noise.

That's why you discuss it before the event. During people are drinking and probably a fair few are completely pissed at that point so past caring or may even be prone to anger about any complaints. That's why any council website will say don't approach during the event because people might not react how they normally will.

Get in early when they suggest a next one and steer it towards a communal BBQ. Get a couple of gazebos and a couple of bbqs going everyone can bring chairs and tables out, paper plates and all bring agreed foods drinks etc