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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and police

85 replies

Clairesafatgirlsname · 06/07/2014 10:31

This is more of a what would you do/say?
A couple of weeks ago, my neighbour popped round (I don't know why) I was at work and DC were with my friend at her house. For some reason, and because no body answered the door, he assumed my children were alone and called the police. I had a visit from a PCSO about 10 minutes after getting home. This weekend I'm looking after a friends dog, she's been out in the garden so I suppose he's seen her. He came round yesterday and when he rang the bell, the dog began to bark, I put her in her cage, to answer the door, which took about 10-12 seconds but when I got to the door, there was no one there. The children, who were in the living room said 'that was the man from next door' so I went over and he told me he had come round to see if we had a new dog and say hello, he heard the children and because no one answered, he called the police. Would you have called the police in this situation? I don't think he was being unreasonable, but this all happened in a couple of minutes, I'm a bit worried about going to work this week in case he calls them again for whatever reason and I'm not home to deal with it. I should also mention, I told his wife last week that I'd have a dog in the house this weekend. WWYD?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 06/07/2014 11:05

They will attach a note to your adress that the allegation that your children are being left is unfounded and if you want, if another incident happens they will have a word with him.

Don't think you have to be polite to him, it's bad what he is doing.

Sorry if your DP is away as opposed to you being a LP, but I wonder if he still thinks it means he can take the piss.

Waltermittythesequel · 06/07/2014 11:06

It sounds like he's got a problem won't you, tbh.

Accusing you of making too much noise when you're not even there?

I would go round to his wife and tell her that you're starting to suspect it's malicious and you're feeling like you'll have to report him to the police if it doesn't stop.

Nicknacky · 06/07/2014 11:06

On the flip side, it's good to see neighbours are willing to do something if they are concerned. Albeit he is wrong, but maybe more people need to raise the alarm when they are concerned.

It's a pain for the op, but better he does that than ignore a real issue.

Deverethemuzzler · 06/07/2014 11:14

I don't think you can put unfounded, possibly malicious calls in the same catagory as neighbours who are willing to do 'something'

Malicious calls can be as damaging and traumatic as turning a blind eye.

Calls based on legitimate concerns and actual evidence (however small) are not the same as what the neighbour is doing.

birds has already said that one more call could trigger off something much more serious. That doesn't mean the op will lose her kids but it could mean a very difficult few weeks while she has to prove she is not neglectful.

The affect of that should not be underestimated.

Original poster
Clairesafatgirlsname · 06/07/2014 11:22

He's not elderly, he's in his 40s I've called 101 the man I spoke to was very helpful, told me to go and talk to him. I will talk to his wife but tell welfare of the situation beforehand in case it escalates. I honestly don't know why he would have a problem with us, in the past he's stopped to chat if we pass each other, I've taken parcels in for them. His wife and I both work on the army camp, although not together and we always stop and talk when we see each other. Yeah, my husband is away for the next 5 weeks, NDN knows this.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 06/07/2014 11:26

I'd document every interaction with him.

andsmile · 06/07/2014 11:35

Its not trivial - its a serious thing to be accused of - wrongly

Your stress is related to the anxiety of what he may do next week. While you cannot know what he will do/say, or control him. You can control your response as and when required to do so.

I would log a concern with welfare. Im glad you have them to go to as it is a bit tricky.

Nomama · 06/07/2014 11:37

Report to Army Welfare or family liaison (if I have the right terminology there) and make sure they are aware. It does sound odd and it may need a uniform to come and talk him down.

Is he army too? Just wondering if he has some problems and is on leave after a horrible posting?

TidyDancer · 06/07/2014 11:44

This is really quite bizarre behaviour. I agree with approaching the wife though, you might get an explanation for her very odd DH.

Original poster
Clairesafatgirlsname · 06/07/2014 11:45

Yeah, he's a sergeant, I think. It occurred to me that he may have some problems as I've never seen him in kit and he's home in the day quite a lot. I know he's still serving though as he's mentioned the regiment he's with in the past.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 06/07/2014 12:00

My aunt had to leave her house because of the weird behaviour of her neighbour.

I'm not trying to scare you or be dramatic. I'm just saying that sometimes the most 'normal' person can change.

She and my uncle were great friends with the neighbours. Uncle got sick and went into hospital and neighbour started behaviour not dissimilar to this one.

Uncle passed away and he got so weird that her son moved in and warned him off!

Original poster
Clairesafatgirlsname · 06/07/2014 12:05

That's horrible, Walter :( the first incident was 2 days after my husband left, so I hope he doesn't keep it up until he's back.

OP posts:
Nomama · 06/07/2014 12:14

He might do, mightn't he?

He may imagine he is doing a mate a favour and keeping an eye on the family for him. He may not have any negative intentions at all. But he has got to stop. Will Welfare do anything, do you think?

Waltermittythesequel · 06/07/2014 12:18

I'm sorry, I really didn't want to frighten you and that's a very extreme example!

I'm just saying, you're entitled to feel happy and secure in your own home. He's stopping that from happening now and he has no right to do that.

I don't agree that he's trying to be helpful. Accusing you of making noise when you're not even there then calling the police every five minutes sounds like harassment to me.

Superworm · 06/07/2014 12:19

Sound like he could have mental health problems - Odd behaviour, inappropriate responses and a bit aggressive. Plus if he's not working at the moment he could be signed off.

Thinking you are making too much noise when your not home makes me think auditory hallucinations. He might think he can hear your DC's and so is calling the police.

wafflyversatile · 06/07/2014 12:29

ah, ok, so he might be signed off sick? A quiet word with his wife along the lines of is he ok. If he is ill then she's probably getting the brunt of any unusual behaviour so I wouldn't go in all confrontational, not that I'm suggesting you were intending on doing so.

Gruntfuttock · 06/07/2014 12:34

How is the OP going to have a quiet word with his wife if he's always there? I'm glad she's decided to have a word with welfare before she tries to speak to his wife. It sounds like a worrying situation to me.

Pumpkinpositive · 06/07/2014 12:37

Does he have children himself, OP?

I'm wondering if he doesn't like having kids living next door to him. This could be a subtle campaign to 'encourage' you to move.

1moreRep · 06/07/2014 12:50

Some practical advice re the police- If you have the log number from when they came out last time- ring 101 and quote the log number, ensure its fully endorsed with all your contact details and those of the children's schools/ child minders and let them know you think he is doing this as he is unwell or maliciously- what ever you believe. Then if he calls again the control room will have places to make enquiries and reduce the chances of entry being forced to your house.

Hope that helps

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 06/07/2014 12:51

You need to make a complaint about him to the police. Normal people don't call the police because a neighbour fails to answer their door when there are no circumstances that could suggest something wrong. You need to explain to them that he is aggressive, scary and behaving irrationally with a bizarre focus on you. Contact whoever you're supposed to deal with in the army for reporting soldiers suffering severe mental health issues.

Cut any contact with him and his family, call the police yourself the next time he calls to your door. Don't answer, don't feed his attention seeking. You don't owe anybody an explanation for not being at home or answering your door when busy, explaining yourself to him or his wife justifies his behaviour in his sick mind because by giving your excuses you're telling him that he's entitled to invade your life like that.

No explanations, no excuses, complaints of harassment to the police and whoever is in charge of him and restraining order if possible.

wafflyversatile · 06/07/2014 13:11

His wife and I both work on the army camp, although not together and we always stop and talk when we see each other.

Gruntfuttock · 06/07/2014 13:14

Thank you waffly. I will read the OP's posts more carefully in future. Smile

unlucky83 · 06/07/2014 13:18

Maybe he has had a bad experience in the past
Kind of thing like someone had left their children and one of them had a bad accident etc and he feels guilty he didn't say/do anything sooner ...
Or some sort of MH problem...
I think report to welfare and talk to his wife - it might become clearer.

Coconutty · 06/07/2014 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doingakatereddy · 06/07/2014 13:24

This is not normal and you need to take it seriously now. Document all incidents

Please report to welfare immediately and also to police, I would not suggest talking to his wife.

You've mentioned his fixation with you / family and his agression, take your concerns seriously and make sure others do