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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleagues using disablist word instead of name, IABU to approach the manager?

80 replies

Piplin · 05/07/2014 10:59

Have name changed.
Not wanting to be professionally offended, but I'm really cringing when a friend and colleague uses the word 'spacker' when referring to another colleague.
The other colleague knows about it and they are really good friends, socialise outside of work etc.
what is disturbing is that there is a girl at work who has a severely disabled child. She has heard them use this term and just shrugged it off, but has been inwardly upset by this. (She told me)
Should I go to the manager about them using this term? Or should I just leave it, safe in the knowledge that these people are just ignorant?

A bit of background info, these are senior members of staff, me and the other girl are not. The senior members of staff are friends with the manager also, so in all likelihood would get back to them what was said by whom.
I am confident that using this word is just a bit of banter between them and they are not intending to insult anyone, least of all the girl with the disabled child.
They are in all other respects nice people.

OP posts:
callamia · 05/07/2014 11:02

They're unprofessional and idiots. I think I would ask management to get this to stop too. 'Banter' is a piss poor excuse for upsetting people because you're being rude.

It doesn't need to be a big deal - just a friendly word froma senior colleague to have a think about what they're saying and that it reflects badly on them and the business.

hmmmwhatnow · 05/07/2014 11:04

I think I'd be telling them directly.

phantomnamechanger · 05/07/2014 11:05

They are in all other respects nice people

nice people do not use offensive terms. People can put on the outward appearance of being nice, but saying things like this gives away their true character. they would have to be incredibly thick not to know that the word they are using is very offensive to many people and should not be used publicly even in jest - if they are OK with it used as some sort of friendly nickname just between the 2 of them in private, that's a different matter.

is there any chance of customers/clients/visitors hearing them? if so this will reflect very badly on your firm and the boss should put an end to it IMO

dawndonnaagain · 05/07/2014 11:07

Please report it.

sunbathe · 05/07/2014 11:07

I've never heard of this term. Is it possible they're using it without knowing what it means?

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 11:09

There is a potential for the public to hear what they are saying, but they are usually very crafty and discreet.
In fairness they were not the people to come up with this term for this girl, but someone who very rarely visits our dept.

OP posts:
thornrose · 05/07/2014 11:10

Personally I would pull them up in it loudly and clearly, every time they say it. I would say that I find the term deeply offensive and so does my colleague. Angry

Also it's the second thread in a couple of days where it's been explained as banter. It is not!

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 11:10

I think It is one step beyond the word 'spaz'

OP posts:
thornrose · 05/07/2014 11:11

It was used when I was in school in the 70's, so little has changed.

gamerchick · 05/07/2014 11:15

Spacker is offensive.. even back in the day when words were more accepted than they are now it was offensive.

I don't think I would complain other than to them each and every time they do it. It's never been acceptable to use that word I don't think.. not in my lifetime anyway.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 05/07/2014 11:18

It is an offensive term, most particularly if someone in the workplace is being upset by it. (I'd not heard it before, but it's clearly a colloquial term, and not hard to work it out).

Personally speaking I'd challenge the offenders myself, and then if the situation didn't change, I'd report it. But if you don't feel able to challenge them yourself and think it may cause awkwardness, then report it straight away. It is not fair at all for the girl to have to endure this behaviour.

FiveFingerDeathPunch · 05/07/2014 11:22

report them they are vile people
using a word like that makes them horrid, using it when they know the person has a disabled child is a even more disgusting
I hope you don't just ignore it

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 11:44

they really aren't vile people. but yhe term they're using is. I will aproach them next time they say it

OP posts:
FiveFingerDeathPunch · 05/07/2014 11:48

so nice people use a word like that
would you still think they were so lovely if they used the n word about a black person

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 11:50

I don't eat pork it doesn't make me Jewish or Muslim.
this is what I'm saying about ignorance

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 05/07/2014 11:52

Perhaps they don't appear vile as it isn't you who is feeling the direct affect of their vile language. If you had a child or a relative with a disability, you might feel a bit more certain about the proper course of action.

FiveFingerDeathPunch · 05/07/2014 11:52

are you on a wind up?
you know it is an offensive term
yet you are defending the people using it

the point of this thread is ????

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 05/07/2014 11:55

I would go directly to them if I were you.

It's not a nice word and I am so sorry your friend is upset, I expect they would be really brought up short if you told them this if they are, as you say, nice guys.

If you report it you will obviously cause bad feeling and may cause trouble for both you and her.

See how they take it, see if they take it on board first.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 05/07/2014 11:57

I have never heard of this word, but if someone is offended by it in your office and it is relevant to them, you should say something yourself to them directly.

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 11:57

What im saying that they would automatically know the n word is offensive as its widely known. However as demonstrated up thread some people have not heard of spacker and just the fact that we write n word but can write spacker shows that it's more acceptable. even though it shouldn't be IYSWIM.
so even though they use the word in a derogatory manner they may not know the full extent of the meaning. what it means to other people etc.

OP posts:
CarbeDiem · 05/07/2014 11:57

I fucking abhor this word with every ounce of my being having heard my dsis called it throughout her childhood.
I would have already said something to them. If you can't then please do report them.
If they aren't vile then they are spectacularly ignorant. There is no other interpretation of this word, it's used to mean one thing only so they KNOW it's offensive.

Goblinchild · 05/07/2014 12:00

'There is a potential for the public to hear what they are saying, but they are usually very crafty and discreet.'

So they are sniggering and offensive where the public can't hear them, and you think they are ignorant?
Your firm needs equality training and higher standards for staff.

CarbeDiem · 05/07/2014 12:01

I assume, they are adults, the same should apply to what we teach children - Don't use words that you don't understand. It's not difficult and there's no excuse.

Original poster
Piplin · 05/07/2014 12:02

yes happy day I think they would be mortified if they knew they had upset someone

OP posts:
liketohelp · 05/07/2014 12:02

Im not an expert, but this is not only offensive, its illegal - it comes under the Equality Act 2010 - "creating an offensive environment". "Employees can complain of behaviour that they find offensive even if it is not directed at them" according to ACAS.

www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/o/c/Bullying-and-harassment-at-work-a-guide-for-employees.pdf

Please check this out or discuss it with ACAS - so you can back up what you say to them.