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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Relatives kind of stealing our name?!

78 replies

jules2106 · 05/07/2014 09:49

hi everyone just posting this to hear what others think!we have a 3 year old called finlay& brother in law has just had a son who they have named Finn. they told the rest of the family that would be their boys name during pregnancy except us so they obviously thought it might upset us? mil told us before the birth (she was annoyed&didnt like idea).
we have obviously not said anything&behaved normally,& congratulated them etc but we're secretly a bit miffed!
are we being silly?

OP posts:

HillyHolbrook · 05/07/2014 19:24

I have a friend who is a few weeks younger than his cousin, both named Andrew. The do the Andy/Andrew thing, but as both go by Andy to their friends it's bloody annoying when you go to parties with their family as you end up talking about the wrong cousin to their grandma/uncle etc and nobody knows what you're on about.

Nobody owns a name, but it's a bit stupid calling your child the same as a close family member when there are thousands more names to pick, imo.

SaucyJack · 05/07/2014 19:27

Well I think it's a silly thing to do. We have Joshs on all three sides of the family, and every. single. time. one of them is mentioned we have to do the which Josh thing.

Giving your child a name you know other relatives/classmates already have defeats the whole purpose of a name. It's there so that people can refer to you in the individual.

iamnotacoward · 05/07/2014 19:30

of course yanbu. And the people on here saying " I can't see the problem" are just lacking in emotional intelligence or as is more likely on Mumsnet being deliberately contrary. If your SIL had posted on here saying she was planning on giving her ds the name Finn similar to his cousin they'd have flamed her too.
It's weird and annoying that they've done that, I'd be pissed off too.

OnlyTheGoodDieYoung · 05/07/2014 19:54

Mostwicked, grandparents are old and will struggle with two grandchildren being called the same but slightly different names.

My dh vetoed a name because his nephew had the same name, despite said nephew living in a different country at the time, despite it being one of the most popular names, as well a well used family name on my side.

We never see him due to my dsil being a complete bitch as our families aren't close. A close friend has a DS with the same name as my ds, who I spend considerably more time with, and it has not been a problem. They generally know who we are speaking to

HappyAgainOneDay · 05/07/2014 19:56

I felt complimented when the name we gave our son was also given to my cousin's baby. The parents knew whom to copy.

CSIJanner · 05/07/2014 20:00

I have a family filled with the same name eg "Alan1", "Alan2" or "John1", "John2" - we work our way through it. I can understand why you're peevedand tbh I would have expected BIL or SIL to have mentioned it as they did tell other members for the family. Be grumpy in private and send the card to little Finn from Big Finn.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling · 05/07/2014 20:02

Finlay is a really common name, like jack or grace or olivia. You're going to hear lots of it. Likely there'll be three finns/finlays in his class at school. Think you'll have to get over it tbh.

MostWicked · 05/07/2014 20:21

Finn, share the lego with FinlayJones.
It'll be FinlayJoness' parents' fault.
So be narky with the child because you are pissed off with the parents.

My best friend at school, had the same name as me. It never caused any problem or any confusion. Why would it cause problems for relatives?

ashtrayheart · 05/07/2014 21:03

My cousin gave her dd the same name as my dd2, I was a bit although we don't see each other much, but I got over it.

mum2bubble · 05/07/2014 21:25

My cousin and I share the same names. Fair enough, I'm called by the first one and she by the middle name which does avoid confusion. But we LOVED having the same names when we were little and made a really big thing of it.

Maleducada · 05/07/2014 21:28

lol at my best friend at school had the same name as me and it never caused any problems.

you and your best friend at school didn't have the same grandparents.

I'm scarlet for the grandparents, having to get out their brag book at bridge and say here's finlay and here's finn.

OutDamnSpot · 05/07/2014 21:37

I accidentally gave my dd the same name as my cousin's dd.

I had only ever heard their dd referred to by the shortened form of her name and didn't think her "real" name might be the one I had chosen for my dd (think Betty for Elizabeth, rather than Liz).

When expecting dc2, Edward was on our boys list but they then had a Teddy so we crossed it off PDQ - twice would have looked a bit stalker-ish.

But our family is full of shared names, some family ones, some coincidence by marriage, and we seem to know who is who.

MostWicked · 05/07/2014 23:48

you and your best friend at school didn't have the same grandparents.

So what? Why does having the same set of grandparents make any difference? Why would grandparents not be able to cope with having 2 grandchildren with the same name? There are many sons named after their fathers and families seem to cope with that!

Maleducada · 05/07/2014 23:54

seriously! ha ha.

Not embarrassing at all no.

My first grandchild is called finlay here's a photo, isn't he lovely!? and here's a picture of my second grandchild, finn. eh, yeh. finlay and finn. mmm. yeh. I know. Don't ask.

not weird, not embarrassing

caruthers · 05/07/2014 23:56

My Dad named his first son by his second wife after me.

Which was a bit odd.

ADishBestEatenCold · 06/07/2014 00:02

It shouldn't be a problem as long as your lives aren't entwined on a daily basis, but I do understand your irritation.

If you want to irritate back, you could refer to your son as Finn and their son as Baby Finn, Little Finn, Wee Finn, (even Tail Finn, if you are feeling especially mean ).

Get in early with it and use it a lot, especially around other relatives, emphasising them as 'Finn' and '--- Finn'. The habit will almost certainly catch on.

(disclaimer: I don't really think someone should call a little baby 'Tail Finn'! )

0speciainn, Little Finn (even Tail Finn if you are feeling e

ADishBestEatenCold · 06/07/2014 00:07

Don't know where that random line of odd words, at the end of my post, appeared from!

Bange · 06/07/2014 00:11

caruthers, are you male or female, is it like caroline/charles, or the same name

I was reading about Peter JOnes in the hair dressers once, and he has an annabel with one wife and an isabel with another wife and i thought that that was really insensitive. Like you wouldn't have sisters with almost the same name, but hey, new wife, new family, same old names. god it's lazy.

Salmotrutta · 06/07/2014 00:15

Ah well ... I never understood quite why people named their sons using surnames anyway.

It's now very common to use surnames as first names.

I knew a Finlay back in the 1960s - now that was unusual to have it as a first name back then.

But you don't own a name so YABU.

caruthers · 06/07/2014 00:16

Bange I'm a male.

His new son was 4 years my junior fuck knows what he or his new wife were thinking.

caruthers · 06/07/2014 00:17

And his name is exactly the same as mine with an obvious second name the same as well.

Salmotrutta · 06/07/2014 00:18

Actually for "sons" read children.

Because it seems girls are being called surnames now too.

MacKenzie/Taylor etc.

Funnily a bit Scottish in flavour (Finlay is Scottsh).

fifi669 · 06/07/2014 00:28

YANBU I'd be annoyed too. I have a big family and put so much effort into names. My brother has an Oliver, I really liked that name but it's off limits now. Same with close friends. Infact my mums best friend has a Tomas, my baby will be Thomas.... I wasn't sure if that's ok... But he's 22 so I think it's allowed :)

You can't dictate what other people chose, you can be annoyed they didn't consider you or your DS when deciding.

WanderingAway · 06/07/2014 00:28

I know that people don't own names but I would still find it a bit strange if one of my relatives gave their child the same name as me or my dd. I do know someone who gave their dc similar names. For example millie/lilly, eva/ava, jake/jack, Finn/lyn, will/phil. I also find that a bit strange.

Isetan · 06/07/2014 07:30

Why would it be problematic for the Grandparents, are there literacy issues with Maw Maw and Paw Paw?

YABVU

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