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AIBU?

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Original poster

Relatives kind of stealing our name?!

97 replies

jules2106 · 05/07/2014 09:40

hi everyone,just posting this out of curiosity ad interested to know peoples views!we have a 3yo son called finlay&brother in law just had a son&they've named him Finn.they told all the rest of the family this would be their boys name during pregnancy except us so they obviously thought it might be an issue!
neither myself or partner have said a word about it to them (certainly wouldn't be huffy with them) tho privately we both don't really know what to make of it.if im being honest,im a bit miffed-could argue they're different names but bit too similar at same time (esp as my son s sometimes nicknamed Finn!would love to hear what others think!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:20

Phantom,sorry to read its hard.and of course you think of your daughter
However,a name can't remain off limits or not be used because it was chosen for another person
And no I don't think permission needs sought about using a name

WildFlowersAttractBees · 05/07/2014 10:20

Phantom that must be very hard. They were very insensitive. Sad.

Bouttimeforwine · 05/07/2014 10:21

Can't believe there are so many people saying get a grip.

Of course YANBU to feel upset. A name is personal. They knew it was not nice or they would have told you.

Well done for not saying anything. I think a few sarcastic comments would have escaped my lips.

At least your ds is the "first one". I feel sorry for number 2.

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:22

I don't think it's insensitive. I can see how it would hurt though

PuppyMonkey · 05/07/2014 10:22

Yes, I think it's a bit of a Confused thing to do too. People can be odd can't they? How often to you see them?

On the other hand , My sister had a bit of a go at me for calling DD Esme when she ready had an Emily. She thought I was copying her. I told her to bog offGrin

BauerTime · 05/07/2014 10:23

phantom i think that's a bit different. I dont think i could have named my child the same as a child in the family (or that i knew at all) that had been sadly stillborn. I do actually believe that that counts as insensitive. Even if id dreamed of having a child of that name since i was a child.

Sorry for your loss

Maleducada · 05/07/2014 10:23

so is there one set of grandparents with a gs finn and a gs finlay?

if so then they were behaving weirdly. so many names

OwlinaTree · 05/07/2014 10:23

phantom Thanks. I lost a dd and it would floor me if a family member or close friend named their child that name. So sorry for your loss and inconsiderate relatives.

HalleLouja · 05/07/2014 10:23

I know two cousins born months apart with exactly the same name. They even used to have the same nanny. Think its a bit mad but they have different nicknames. No one seems to have a problem with it.

s88 · 05/07/2014 10:24

grow up

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:25

Yes get a grip.feeling territorial about a different name that sounds similar
Finn isn't Finlay.different.in way Alice isn't Alison
And a name isn't owned. Yes names have personal significance,that doesn't make their use exclusive

strawberrypenguin · 05/07/2014 10:26

It would annoy me too OP but its not a popular MN opinion

HalleLouja · 05/07/2014 10:26

Phantom that is really insensitive.

phantomnamechanger · 05/07/2014 10:26

I was not talking about them asking permission - just some sort of recognition/thought for how it would be for us and our kids.

I would still have thought it odd if our DD was alive, that they chose the same name in the same year, and did not think to mention it first to us. That would have been strange, IMO, but not painful for us. We would have had to accept it because yes, we don't own a name.

But to use the name of our dead baby, well, it was almost like they were thinking they did not even need to pay us the courtesy of telling us in advance because our DD was not even alive Sad - like she did not matter

Deverethemuzzler · 05/07/2014 10:27

I had someone name their child 'after' my dead DD.
Without asking
Without telling me
I found out via someone else who insisted that I should feel 'that it was lovely'

I don't know if I thought it was lovely. I was so stunned to be cheerfully informed this with no warning and no consideration that I couldn't put my thoughts together coherently.

phantom Flowers

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:27

I think you are attributing a thought process to them that didn't happen

Bouttimeforwine · 05/07/2014 10:28

It is if Alison is often called Alice by people though. Then it's the same.

Delphiniumsblue · 05/07/2014 10:28

You can't 'steal' a name.

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:29

No
Different names
Finlay isn't finn

PedlarsSpanner · 05/07/2014 10:30

Phantomn I am so sorry, that IS hurtful

TiggyD · 05/07/2014 10:31

Next time you name a child be sure to give them a name so twisted and bizarre that you can guarantee nobody would ever consider calling their child that name as well.

XiX · 05/07/2014 10:31

Devere and Phantom. Thanks. That's amazingly unsympathetic and a bit odd of them.

phantomnamechanger · 05/07/2014 10:32

thank you for the kind words people,
I need to leave this thread now as have come over all Sad Sad its been 10 years but sometimes, it just gets to you all over again.

storytopper · 05/07/2014 10:33

I think it is a strange thing to do but it all depends on how much time the boys are likely to spend together.

My neighbour's grown up children have each given their daughters fashionable names which are spelled differently but sound practically identical. My neighbour watches both of her granddaughters while their parents work - it causes some confusion for them.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/07/2014 10:33

Would you even be questioning it if it was something like Thomas?