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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Relatives kind of stealing our name?!

97 replies

jules2106 · 05/07/2014 09:40

hi everyone,just posting this out of curiosity ad interested to know peoples views!we have a 3yo son called finlay&brother in law just had a son&they've named him Finn.they told all the rest of the family this would be their boys name during pregnancy except us so they obviously thought it might be an issue!
neither myself or partner have said a word about it to them (certainly wouldn't be huffy with them) tho privately we both don't really know what to make of it.if im being honest,im a bit miffed-could argue they're different names but bit too similar at same time (esp as my son s sometimes nicknamed Finn!would love to hear what others think!

OP posts:

Haroldplaystheharmonica · 05/07/2014 09:54

I'd be cross too. There are 1000's of names out there to choose from, why pick one that's the same as a close family member? And the name Finn is close to Finlay. The Finlay I know is called Finlay and Finn equally so it's virtually the same name!

When I was pg, every name we thought of that friends or family had used was ruled out. That was the same thought process anyone we knew had. To use the same name as someone you know well is odd really.

Mrsgrumble · 05/07/2014 09:54

I don't see the problem.

soverylucky · 05/07/2014 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/07/2014 09:56

Yabvvu and precisous! It's not the same name, it's a different variation.

AuntieStella · 05/07/2014 09:56

There are a lot of little Finns around at the moment (that makes it sound as if all toddlers are sharks, which isn't what I meant but might be metaphorically true).

If your family is close and you'd expect to see a lot of your DS's first cousins, then it is a bit weird. But there's nothing whatever you can do about it.

MrsJossNaylor · 05/07/2014 09:57

Get a grip. You chose a very common and popular name, you can't expect to own the rights to it.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/07/2014 09:57

No it's not harrold, don't be silly nobody owns a name. If you like it have it! Mabey op relatives really liked it before op had her ds. Gish get a grip it's only a name fgs!

MaloryArcher · 05/07/2014 09:59

The world and his dog is called Finley/Finn/Finlay at the minute.

I don't see how you can be surprised when you chose such a popular name.

ClashCityRocker · 05/07/2014 09:59

If it was a name I loved (and a lot of people have names in their head for a child long before even ttc) I wouldn't not call my child it just because someone else in the immediate family had.

If it was a name on a short list that I was somewhat ambivalent about, having someone in my social circle with the same name would make me reconsider.

Tbh, it's not that unusual a name, and in your shoes I'd probably feel a bit but you don't own a name.

You never know, if the boys grow up, they might name there children after themselves, and it will become a 'family' name - DHs family, most blokes have 'David as part of there name.

RedRoom · 05/07/2014 10:01

Even if they chose an identical name, what does it matter? You can't really 'steal' or 'copy' names that are in the public domain, because they are already being used by countless people. We'd all be accused of copying, otherwise! You'd need to have made up an utterly unique name for them to have pinched it off you.

Iswallowedawatermelon · 05/07/2014 10:01

I would be annoyed too.

But it quite a common name so it is not surprising they liked it too.

At least they tried to be different by using Finn and not Finlay.

PedlarsSpanner · 05/07/2014 10:03

Finlay and Finn are two different names

Finlay is Scottish

Finn is Irish

thecageisfull · 05/07/2014 10:04

If you chose a hugely popular name then other people are going to chose it too. I have 2 cousins called Sarah (they are each others cousin too). We were born in the '70s where every third girl was called Sarah.
(They have different middle names. You will only need 2 guesses)

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 05/07/2014 10:05

I'd be a bit peeved off too, there are heaps of lovely names out there and they chose something very similar to your DS's name and it is your DS's nickname. It will get a bit confusing if you see each other regularly.

XiX · 05/07/2014 10:05

It really, really wouldn't bother me. It fact I would find it quite cute. I'm sure they just choose the name they liked the most.

I named my two DS's after two of my nieghbours pets (a cat and a dog) They didn't mind at all. (Although it was funny when I could hear the nieghbours calling for their pets.) My BIL then used one of my DS's middle names for his dog......I could hardly complain could I.

Ps neither of my sons is called Fido.

BauerTime · 05/07/2014 10:08

thecage - Jane and Ann by any chance?

SockQueen · 05/07/2014 10:08

thecage I'm going for Elizabeth and Louise?!

OP, you've chosen a popular name, your son came first and had the name first, so take it as a compliment and know that if anyone thinks it's weird, they'll judge the 2nd couple and not you.

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:09

No one steals a name because no one owns a name.youre being really daft
Finlay is not unusual it's pretty common,it's not a whats he called name
I truly hope you've not said any of this to anyone,or you'll look bit daft

thecageisfull · 05/07/2014 10:11

BauerTime SockQueen Both half right. Louise and Jane.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 10:12

Oh, but it is daft to give cousins the same name. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life saying "Which Finn?"

Just daft.

I do think of all the insane things people say on Mumsnet , "If you like it, use it" about names is one of the most insane What, with no consideration of the consequences for the child or anyone else of using it?

rumbleinthrjungle · 05/07/2014 10:13

Well if you will go choosing the coolest name ever there you can't blame other people for loving it too. Yeah we've got a Fin-name here

I doubt the kids will care.

phantomnamechanger · 05/07/2014 10:15

if it was exactly the same name, even if they had loved it and always wanted that name for a son even before you had DS, then they could have at least warned you out of politeness. but it's not the same name. and even if you're not happy there's nowt you can do about it. My uncle named his DOG the same name as my brother - I don't know what my parents made of that!

I have to live with DH cousin calling their DD the same name as our DD who was stillborn. Less than a year difference in their birthdates. This came as a massive shock and really set me back in my grieving. And people in the family thinking that it's absolutely fine, as they chose the name because they loved it and not to deliberately hurt us (we were told this). I would never do this to a friend never mind relative, who has to see and hear that name at every family do forever more. 10 years on it's easier, but it still smarts from time to time. It was especially hard when my young DC started referring to their baby as "baby X", instead of referring to their deceased sister that way. I feel I have lost the right to mention her name in public, because people will assume I am talking about the other X . I know I don't own the name. I know they loved the name and always felt they would have a DD with that name. All of my DC have ended up with a friend called that name and I have had to sing happy birthday to X at parties (the first time I actually did have to leave the room, it was just too raw). I am not saying this couple should not have used the name, but to not even think it would be an issue and forewarn us, really hurt.

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:15

Oh behave about consequences there are not grave consequence to same name use
It's unlikely to cause emotional disturbance in family if two weans have same name
Only on mn do folk hand-wring about this.no one has dibs on a name.end of

MsVenus · 05/07/2014 10:16

Can't see what the issue is, you didn't own the name for them to steal it in the first place.

Ms ds has a classic long name & his cousin is called the shortened version of it No big deal but his parents did ask us if we'd mind & we said it was upto ds as its his name. Ds is very pleased to have someone named after him.

phantomnamechanger · 05/07/2014 10:20

I think the one thing that makes this less bad is that we don't have the same surname, that would really have been too bad IMO

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