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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sing harmonies in toddler music sessions?

291 replies

PrincessPotsie · 05/07/2014 02:01

Am I turning into one of those annoying mums? I always remember a v annoying dad doing sit ups during 'Row Row Row Your Boat' at a playgroup I once went to. He definitely was BU...

OP posts:
HibiscusIsland · 08/07/2014 20:17

Um. Because she can? Because it sounds nice and is a bit of fun. Why on earth not? How fucking joyless. Hmm

Well you don't sound all that joyful yourself.

Perhaps the Op could have asked "AIBU to sing harmonies in toddler music sessions? Am I turning into one of those annoying mums? If you say yes then you are *fucking joyless."

When the OP wrote "I always remember a v annoying dad doing sit ups during 'Row Row Row Your Boat' at a playgroup I once went to. He definitely was BU..." was she being fucking joyless according to you too?

slithytove · 08/07/2014 20:32

I was at rhyme time today, thought of this thread, and was SO tempted to harmonise, I had to drink my juice to stop myself.

Oh dear Blush

AndHarry · 08/07/2014 20:35

Carry on singing your harmonies OP. It's music, it's supposed to be fun.

I used to make up dance moves to nursery rhymes to stop myself passing out with boredom. I'm sure I looked like a total tit to anyone who was inclined to think that way and like I was having fun and full of confidence to anyone inclined to a more positive judgement.

I am also occasionally caught singing Disney songs at work. No one has died or put in a grievance so far and I can't sing for toffee.

Stoneysilence · 08/07/2014 20:56

As a totally absent-minded, oops-forgot-the-tune way, totally fine. More than once (and I notice it's plural in your title, op) and you're a bit if a knob in public. Keep the harmonies for when you're singing in the car/shower/royal Albert hall ;)

Chumpster · 08/07/2014 21:04

I'd think it was hilarious. Would make singing group much more fun. I think it would depend on how you did it. If you really gave it some and didn't take yourself too seriously I think it would be funny. Whereas if you did it in an ' I'm really adding something to the toddler's experience with my beautiful harmonies' then it would be probably nauseating. But I'm sure you're not like that.

musichelen · 08/07/2014 21:29

I have to agree with the majority of comments here. I run kids music groups and it's enough to encourage and get the parents to join in with their children let alone ask anything more It's a confidence thing and they're with you to have some fun and enjoy their time with you rather than be put to the test.

Lemele · 08/07/2014 22:08

I sometimes do it accidentally and have to force myself back to the melody. We have a pretty large group and it's always fairly noisy plus as a singer I get immensely bored with the same old tunes, but as soon as I fall into harmonies I think, "ugh, no, don't do that!!"

I can't even describe why I get that feeling, really. Don't want to stand out, put other parents off, be thought of a show off, etc. Even under my breath I get itchy at the thought that others might hear what I'm doing!!

MamaMary · 08/07/2014 22:14

From the title in Discussions of the Day I thought this thread was going to be about toddlers harmonising. Apparently my mum could harmonise at the age of four. She could do two different harmonies (alto and descant-type) per song Shock

atticusclaw · 09/07/2014 09:10

At least you asked and now know not to do it Grin

I agree with the others. I can also sing the harmony to pretty much anything without really thinking about it but would think you're showing off and more importantly that it is confusing for the toddlers

TillyTellTale · 09/07/2014 13:29

Having googled what a harmony is thought about it, my judgement is that you can harmonise if you like.

I can't bloody sing, which is why I took my children to singing time and mouthed-along. If there are actually mothers there who can sing well and will do so, that is absolutely fine with me. Let's face it, my children aren't going to be picking up this art from me, are they? If this singing lark is worthwhile, exposure to sophisticated harmonising is good, right?

If I actually noticed someone singing well at a group, I'd never judge them for not pretending they couldn't!

Snog · 09/07/2014 13:36

are you Miranda Hart?

becstar77 · 09/07/2014 14:51

I sometimes do it quietly if the top/ bottom notes are in my less-comfortable range... I think live and let live, it's music, you're at a music group, why the hell not!?

But be prepared for the number of people who think we're knobs :)

MamaMary · 09/07/2014 14:53

If I heard someone harmonising, I would immediately warm to them.

I would do it myself but fairly quietly - not in an overbearing way. Don't go to toddler groups, but DO sing Grin

TremoloGreen · 09/07/2014 15:16

Harmonising at toddler group - er, no, I don't do that... I think I would enjoy it if someone else did though!

I did once go to a paid for music class - it was a freebie trial - and the songs were not the usual ones everyone knows, but they did have a repetitive/simple tune and only slight variations on the words for each verse, so I 'joined in when I knew it'. When I first started singing all the other parents stared at me like I was a complete weirdo! I just though what a joyless lot to spend £7 on this and then not even get into it and model the singing for their babies... didn't go back Grin

To the PPs talking about harmonizing in church... doesn't everyone do that to some extent? Is everyone in the congregation from men with a deep bass voice to young soprano boys meant to sing exactly the same part then? Suppose it depends whether by 'harmonizing' you mean a simple harmony in a comfortable part of your vocal range but the same 'shape' as the melody or a warbly, embellished descant a la Mariah? Which is it OP? Grin

YY to the posters who have said they enjoyed attending churches from other cultures where spontaneous harmonising was the norm - singing in church is meant to be about sharing your joy in your faith, no?

JapaneseMargaret · 09/07/2014 15:48

I remember being in church aeons ago probably the last time I was in church in fact and someone I was with, who was a singer, started singing in harmony, and it sounded amazeballs. Just incredible. What with it being hymns, a big church with lots of people singing, and fabulous acrostics, etc.

This situation: not so much. Grin

I was in a baby/toddler group singalong situation once, and this one Mum didn't start giving it the old' harmonies so much, as full-on belting it out, stage projection style, complete with vibrato. The only thing missing was an anguished-face+hand-reach-and-pull motion. She had a good voice, but it sounded ridiculous.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should, is the general rule of thumb for scenarios such as this.

KateBury · 09/07/2014 21:51

I do remember harmonising to roll me over in the clover, during the third year at high school, during rainy lunchtimes, but so far I have never been tempted to highjack singing time at playgroup. Its good fun listening to the children and joining in the hokey cokey.

BaconAndAvocado · 09/07/2014 23:15

I think its bloody brilliant that you harmonise!

I use to do it just to make things a bit more interesting and always as a bit of a laugh.

Take no notice of the miserable gits Grin

JapaneseMargaret · 09/07/2014 23:29

People aren't being miserable; on the contrary, they're having a right snigger!

SingSongSlummy · 09/07/2014 23:41

Ah, well done to the poster above who said 'just because you can, doesn't mean you should'I'm an Opera singer by profession and I have never, ever done more than grumble along in an incredibly quiet voice when in a toddler music class. Of course I could be doing all manner of flashy shit, but that would be bizarre, distracting and totally wankey behaviour. I had to stop going to one baby music class as they was a mum, who wasn't the teacher, who kept doing shite harmonies and I actually couldn't bear it. So don't, just don't, there is probably a professional musician sitting next to you, quietly hating you...!

birdmomma · 10/07/2014 06:22

I would like it and secretly admire you.

2rebecca · 10/07/2014 08:57

I think its fine if there are plenty of adults singing the melody, but the main purpose of it is to teach children the songs and give them confidence to sing along so wouldn't if it is distracting from the whole purpose and team bonding thing.

BaconAndAvocado · 10/07/2014 12:37

Grin They're sniggering in a miserable way! OP sing out!

My harmonising was completely off key but was just a bit of a joke, alleviating the monotony of Miss Polly had a Dolly! It made me laugh anyway.........

AryaOfHouseSnark · 10/07/2014 15:06

I don't think the main purpose of singing sessions are to learn a melody though, the one I worked in wasn't anyway.
It was to inspire a love of music and learning, self expression, to encourage participation and then learn basic numbers, letters, parts of the body etc through song and play. In fact very little of the actual aims of the session were to learn a melody. Most of all we just wanted for children to have fun with their parents, to let themselves go and sing and dance.

I am quite surprised how many people snigger at that, or think it's showing off.
I wonder if it is a stiff upper lip cultural thing and if this site wasn't predominately British if the op would have got a different response.
Lots of people have said there is a time and a place, and just because you can do it doesn't mean you should, can I ask why ? I am genuinely curious as to why ? It just seems perfectly innocent to me. Grin a little bit of fun.

NumanoidNancy · 10/07/2014 17:47

Wow this is depressing, so many joyless people out there! Like Chicken and co said upthread, its such a british thing to think someone harmonising is showing off! Its a totally natural thing to do its only that our society has squashed our traditional folk singing skills which meant that everyone would have been able to do it without thinking as in the African countries already mentioned and similar. I'm more of the opinion of why the fuck WOULDN'T you want some harmonies added! Those tunes are so dull after the hundredth repetition, ditto Happy Birthday, why are people so scared of singing freely and happily that they can add other lines and ideas in?! Our kids would have better musical hearing if parents weren't so stuffy!

NumanoidNancy · 10/07/2014 17:56

I wonder if all the sniggerers and misery guts on here also frown at people clapping along to the music (adding a rhythmic line)? Didn't realise Gregorian chant had become so popular lately, otherwise I'm sure none of these people are listening to music without harmony! Listen to the music on kids tv programmes or CD's, its not single line monophonic singing, listen to any radio station they aren't playing a lot of monophonic singing, you've got a melody, a bassline, backing vocals doing harmony lines in choruses etc. Music would be pretty fucking dull if that all started getting frowned upon too.