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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babysitting confusion

64 replies

dippylongstocking · 05/07/2014 01:01

Not sure this is the right thread, but here goes.
Last week I was asked by another mum if I could look after her son on their moving day (2 weeks away). I don't really know this woman very well, but our sons are good friends. I agreed, as it would only involve collecting them from school and giving him dinner.
Today, the mum told me her moving date has changed to monday. I said that I can't have him then as I've already agreed to look after my 3 nephews while dsis is in hospital. She laughed and said 'well, what's one more?' and drove off before I could respond. Now I'm not sure if I'm going to be having this boy for the afternoon or not. I don't have the mum's number or any way to contact her.
What do I do?

OP posts:

Bonbonbonbon · 05/07/2014 01:06

You told her it wasn't possible. Assume you are not having him. Nothing further was discussed, you assumed she was joking.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/07/2014 07:55

You look after your 3 nephews and son of course.

diddl · 05/07/2014 07:58

You've told her you can't do it.

So, don't collect her son from school & that's it!

Only1scoop · 05/07/2014 08:02

Cheeky or what....

You are having your nephews and have already told her.

grobagsforever · 05/07/2014 08:07

I think I live in a different universe to others. This woman was very rude, do not collect her son! Do however let the teacher know to call mum if she's not there.

thegreylady · 05/07/2014 08:10

I think she thinks you will still have him. You can't just abandon the child I'm afraid but you are right to be very very annoyed.

diddl · 05/07/2014 08:13

"You can't just abandon the child I'm afraid "

OP has no responsibility at all!

She has told the mum no.

If the mum decides not to accept that then that is completely her fault.

wafflyversatile · 05/07/2014 08:16

She's not abandoning a child. She's said she can't do it. Its the mums responsibility.

Karoleann · 05/07/2014 08:21

You'll see her on Monday morning at drop off - she'll try and confirm then and you can just remind her that you said you can't do it.

Otherwise ask one of the mum's whose number you do have, if they have her number. Someone's bound to have it, or know someone else do does.

Or pop round to their house.

Laquitar · 05/07/2014 08:22

If it is 2 weeks away then there is time for her to find someone else - especially as she has very good skills at putting pressure on others!

I would send her a text/email to clarify that i will not collect her son to make sure there is no confusion over this.

And a link to sitters.co.uk.

Only1scoop · 05/07/2014 08:24

You aren't abandoning anyone.

I'm sure mrs pushy has a list of others she can ask.

PinkHamster · 05/07/2014 08:24

I assume you will see her before then? Just tell her you can't do it.

She was most likely joking. If not she was very rude.

LIZS · 05/07/2014 08:26

So they've brought forward the date by over a week and she expects you to drop everything

RenterNomad · 05/07/2014 08:29

What on earth does she mean, "What's one more?" A new child added to a group of four could take some time to sort out, dynamic-wise, and be harder to supervise, whereas a group of four children who are used to being together have already worked out their hierarchy, games, rules, etc. Moreover, they all kniw where tgey and the others stand in relation to you.

She was rude, particularly in not allowing you to have your say. Let's just hope it's stress from the moving issues (after all, the day has changed, and changed to a work day, at that) and not congenital rudeness!

Anyway, if she's happy to ask you, not knowing you very well, she can ask someone else.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/07/2014 08:31

You could just collect them give take them all to the playground and give them a picnic tea? I'm not saying that the woman wasn't rude but she probably panicked because you'd agreed to do her a favour.

FishWithABicycle · 05/07/2014 08:32

You have no responsibility to take this kid when you said you couldn't.

Can you email the school first thing Monday morning and tell them this:

Dear School
Last week I was asked by Xxx if I could look after Yyyy on their moving day (2 weeks away on ZZth July). I don't really know her well, but our sons are good friends. I agreed, as it would only involve collecting them from school and giving him dinner. Then on Saturday she told me her moving date has changed to Monday (today). I said that I can't have him then as I've already agreed to look after my 3 nephews while my sister is in hospital and it is not possible for me to have any more. She laughed as if she didn't believe me and drove off. Now I don't have her phone number or any way to contact her and I rather suspect that she is under the impression that I am collecting her son even though I have told her this is impossible. I am writing to let you know in advance that I will definitely not be collecting Yyyy today, and made no commitment to do so. If you have any way to contact Xxx during the day today to verify who she thinks is collecting Yyyy later I think this would be a good idea, because although there's nothing I can do to help and have told her this I am sure you would like to avoid a situation where no-one comes to collect Yyyy which I think may be what is likely to happen.
Best Wishes
Dippylongstocking

The school will have emergency contact numbers and can sort it out with her.

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 08:33

You need to find her and make it clear you cant do it. She may simply have misunderstood and thought you were just telling her you had 3 extras already.

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 08:36

eg, she may have thought you said "Oh, I have my three nephews that day already" and not heard the part where you said "I can't do it"

She is probably very stressed with having to sort everything out for an earlier date.

diddl · 05/07/2014 08:38

If you involve the school just tell them that you will not be collecting and that you have told the mother that.

Too much explaining getting in the way otherwise!

You told her no can do.

She doesn't think that your reason is valid-well ain't that tough!

Can't believe some people think OP should do it!

No wonder so many treat others like shit!

Walkacrossthesand · 05/07/2014 08:44

If your DSs are friends, and you won't see this woman in the playground, couldn't you write a note saying 'just to be clear, I can't help you on your new moving day as I have other commitments so please find somebody else' , put it in an envelope and give it to your DS to give to his friend to give to his mum?

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 08:48

I assume the date is now this Monday so there is no chance to find her.

I am surprised everyone thinks the worst of the woman rather than the fact that she might have just been stressed and misheard.

redskyatnight · 05/07/2014 09:16

Yes, I'd also have thought she had misheard/not understood. As in , she just thought it was you saying, my goodness, I will have a lot of children in the house!

And rule 1 of parenting, never offer to look after a child without getting a parent's contact number.

diddl · 05/07/2014 09:18

Whether she misheard or not, she agreed to a change in moving date without checking if her childcare was still able to do it!

RenterNomad · 05/07/2014 09:29

Good point, diddl, and even if she had no choice in the change of the moving date, she could at least have been more serious and less casual about asking to change the childcare arrangements (i.e. not drive off without even a "thank you" to seal the agreement").

londonrach · 05/07/2014 09:31

Simple you said no. Child not your problem. Shocked at people saying op should still do it.

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