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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babysitting confusion

64 replies

dippylongstocking · 05/07/2014 01:01

Not sure this is the right thread, but here goes.
Last week I was asked by another mum if I could look after her son on their moving day (2 weeks away). I don't really know this woman very well, but our sons are good friends. I agreed, as it would only involve collecting them from school and giving him dinner.
Today, the mum told me her moving date has changed to monday. I said that I can't have him then as I've already agreed to look after my 3 nephews while dsis is in hospital. She laughed and said 'well, what's one more?' and drove off before I could respond. Now I'm not sure if I'm going to be having this boy for the afternoon or not. I don't have the mum's number or any way to contact her.
What do I do?

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/07/2014 09:47

The OP clearly said she can't do it - she should not be emailing the school and running around trying to get a number for the other mother, she should be having a nice weekend with her own family and planning her Monday with her nephews and son.

Enough of this 'oh she probably misunderstood' balderdash - the other mother knew perfectly well what she said when she said 'what's one more?' and drove off.

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 10:11

It isn't balderdash. It's simply an opinion that doesn't match yours. Yes, she clearly heard that the OP had her nephews but that doesn't mean she understood that the OP could not do it.

Non of us were there to hear what was said or know what the other mother understood. None of us know the circumstances of the change in moving date.

Shocked at people saying op should still do it

I'm shocked that people think she should just leave the boy in the playground at school without doing anything. It's not his fault his mother has misunderstood (deliberately or otherwise).

I am surprised the OP doesn't have any contact details.

mimishimmi · 05/07/2014 10:28

I think she was 'feeling you up', so to speak, to see whether you'd be a bit of a soft touch for a bit (or a lot) of free childcare. So she came up with this moving story, which may or may not be true, and yegads you agreed! Now she knows you are and moved the date forward because she can always ask again if she does need it again later. You will be asked for school holidays next if you're a good girl and agree to the next few 'emergency' requests.

FishwithaBicycle's suggestion is the way to go. Nip it in the bud. I'm sure she has a reputation for this..

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/07/2014 10:34

She laughed and said 'well, what's one more?' and drove off before I could respond

Really? , you've got 2 weeks to see her and tell her that you won't be watching her ds.

diddl · 05/07/2014 10:35

Why would OP be leaving the child when she has told the mum no?

It's not the boys fault-and she might even be relying on the ambiguity/guilt about the boy to try to force OP to collect.

It's not up to OP to chase.

It's up to the mother to make 100% sure that her son will still be collected/looked after.

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 11:01

Why would OP be leaving the child when she has told the mum no?

Because it is clear that the mother has misunderstood (deliberately or not) and the OP apparently has no way of contacting her to make sure she knows this.

It's not up to OP to chase.

Well, I think she does have a responsibility given she knows the mother did not understand that she couldn't look after her DS. I think she has a responsibility to make sure the mother realises her mistake.

you've got 2 weeks to see her

I assumed that the original moving date was 2 weeks away and the new one is this Monday.

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 11:01

Really?

OwlCapone · 05/07/2014 11:04

I think it's a case where the OP said one thing and the other mother heard something different. I've certainly had this happen on both sides of the scenario.
The OP knows the mother is under the false impression that she can still look after her DS but the other mother does not.

Someone must have a contact number for the other mother. Or she could be perhaps be found on FB

mimishimmi · 05/07/2014 11:06

Really...

thecageisfull · 05/07/2014 11:06

I would phone the school early on Monday and explain that you think she may be confused/have misunderstood and could they please pass the message on that you can't look after him when she drops him off. I wouldn't bank on seeing her if she is moving as she will be in a hurry.

She may have been joking. She may have mis-understood. She may have more front than Blackpool but either way it's better to try and resolve it before pick up time on Monday for your own peace of mind.

PourquoiPas · 05/07/2014 11:23

There's no confusion. She is trying to force you to look after her child out of guilt/confusion.

If someone says "I can't do that sorry" you don't say "course you can" and drive off quickly.

Give a note to the teacher to put in the boys book bag making it very clear and then ignore ignore ignore. She has shown you what she is really like so don't let her out you in that position again.

RenterNomad · 05/07/2014 11:39

I agree that this is implausibly cynical. Surely no-one could get away with a lie like moving house, and then not move! Especially if the DC are friends.

However, laughing, minimising the trouble that someone has offered to take, for your child and deliberately "not hearing" a response is not on.

The school will have all emergency contact details, and presumably the family lives/d relatively close to school, so a call to collect the boy won't exactly take as long or be as stressful as, say, a dash from rush-hour central London to Canterbury, or a call to leave an urgent medical appointment.

DeWee · 05/07/2014 11:41

I would take it to be she's joking. I've certainly joked/had people joke with me when they/I have been collecting a lot of children from school along the lines of "ooh, do you want to take mine too, one more wouldn't be noticed."

However, just in case she didn't realise, I would catch her on Monday and just say along the lines of "just to confim I can't do the childcare on next week as I've got my 3 nephews, and I can't fit any more children in.

She's got a week to sort out other care then.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/07/2014 11:51

Yes, she clearly heard that the OP had her nephews but that doesn't mean she understood that the OP could not do it

'I can't have him' is what the OP said. Which bit of that do you [and the little boy's mother] find confusing?

WeAreEternal · 05/07/2014 11:52

In your situation I would make a real effort to make sure I find her at drop off on Monday morning and just say something like "I hope you managed to sort out alternative childcare for your DS, I'm sorry I couldn't have him, if it had been any other day. I hope your move goes ok"
That way I would be leaving no chance of her arguing that she misunderstood or misheard and then trying to guilt me into having him because it was too later for her to find anyone else as she was under the impression i was having him.

If you can't find her go to the office and ask them to contact her and say that you are worried she is under the impression you are picking up her DS even though you said you can't, and you want them to check that someone will be collecting him as you don't want him to just be left feeling abandoned.

WeAreEternal · 05/07/2014 11:58

Also I think a lot of people have misread the OP.

Dippy says that the mum expects her to babysit on Monday, as in the day after tomorrow, instead of the week after as she had originally organised.

She also doesn't have the mums contact details as she doesn't know her well, so can't call/text/email.

pluCaChange · 05/07/2014 12:04

School would have the details, though, WeAreEternal

SWIMTHECHANNEL · 05/07/2014 12:05

If you drive to school, you wouldn't have room in a normal car for him anyway: 1 ds, three dns, and you makes five.

WeAreEternal · 05/07/2014 12:15

Yes Plu which is why I advised going to the school office and asking them to contact the mum on Monday morning if Dippy can't find her in the playground.

pluCaChange · 05/07/2014 12:16

Sorry, I missed that, WeAre.

Hoppinggreen · 05/07/2014 12:18

Does anyone else think it's a bit odd that you would ask someone to babysit your child and not make sure they had your number?

mimishimmi · 05/07/2014 12:21

Hmm, I was wondering that too. If she really expected OP to do pickup and mind after school on Monday, surely she would have stuck around long enough to give OP her phone number? I could understand her not exchanging numbers yet if it was two weeks away.

Has your DS mentioned anything wrt to his friend moving before OP?

Iswallowedawatermelon · 05/07/2014 12:24

Yes, try to find the mum on Monday morning to confirm. If you can't find her go and tell the school office the situation so that they can contact her and make sure the boy is safe after school and not waiting around on his own.

diddl · 05/07/2014 14:57

OP, do you even know where she's moving to?

Why can't she collect & look after her own kid??

grobagsforever · 07/07/2014 12:31

So do we get to hear the end of this saga? Please?

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