to think it's rude to begin a sentence with the word "Actually"

[weneedtotalkaboutmusic]

and even more so if that sentence is any kind of advice or lecture or correction on the subject of manners.

I first read this in an Enid Blyton book (Malory Towers?) as a child. It seemed right then and it seems right now.

Dh uses 'we' instead of 'you' when he means 'you'? Drives me bananas. "Can we make sure we apply for the passport by the end of the week?" etc. etc.

I usually say, "Feel free" or "Go ahead" (through gritted teeth).

Mine does that too! I now reply by asking "which one of us is 'we' " or saying "I'll leave that with you then"
We both know that we means I am instructing you to do it, so screw that!

No, I think it's too kind/ sincere to ask who it refers to. "I'll leave that one with you then" is brilliant!

Actually you have a point.

Or rather you don't

sorry for late reply to the question about why I thought the person saying the sentence below didn't like me.

Actually (!) now you've made me think about it, she does use tone of voice: she removes all warmth from her voice and puts on a teacher-controlling-the-kids voice. I could write out the inflection of the voice in notation almost! In fact, when she's into me, she uses far fewer polite phrases, and when she's not into me, she uses loads of polite phrases: it's like a mask.

"I realised someone I thought was a friend didn't like me at all because she would start sentences thus:
"I wouldn't worry about it weneed".

[the voice starts high, goes down to "it" then rises on my name with a tired-sounding finish]

Am happy as have applied new rule of it being ok to start a sentence with "actually" provided you are contradicting/refining no-one but your own previous statements.

Q - You went to France last week didn't you?

A - Actually we are going tomorrow.

I think that's perfectly polite even though it's contradicting the other person.

Hmm, true....

You aren't contradicting their informed opinion there are you? There's no expectation of them memorising your schedule.....

Sure, everything's rude these days apparently.