Football in back gardens - serious debate!

[Cherryad3]

Hi, this is my first post - I am genuinely curious as to what is and what is not deemed unreasonable regarding the playing of football in a back garden.

I have one child who is 4. Next door have 3 boys of 8, 9 and 10 and now the weather is nicer they are predictably in their back garden kicking a large leather football around and about...often up until 9pm and sometimes later.

While I appreciate it is lovely that children are enjoying fresh air and exercise, at what point does this become harassment to neighbours. I am talking about the same heavy ball hitting my child hard in the face, squashing my carefully cultivated pot plants and garden shrubs and generally causing horrid noise and damage to 6ft fence as it bangs against it on a regular basis.

Should neighbours such as myself just tolerate such inconvenience as part of life and keep passing the ball back so that it can be kicked in again at a later date.

I know this is an issue for many many people - some the owners of little footballers and some the neighbours of them - I feel like there should be an official guideline on what is and is not acceptable...what do you think?!

Stay but why does your choice of how to use your garden trump the neighbor children's choice of how to use their garden?

The ball should not be coming over the fence more than once in a blue moon, and it is reasonable to request they use a softer ball which miggt be quieter and will do little potential damage, but the sound of a football - yes, that is hust the price you pay for living in a residential area where people live close together.

If the children are 8, 9 and 10 then they should be going to the the local park to play football. My ds2 was a keen footballer, and we have quite a large garden, but from the age of about 8 we said he needed to go to the park if he wanted to play, as the risk of annoyance to the neighbours was quite high.

Unfortunately we had a neighbour who had a different approach. Her garden was very small, so not at all suitable for playing football, but she didn't like her ds playing in the park in case there were rough children there as she was a snob so allowed him to kick his ball endlessly at the wooden fence between our gardens. Drove me absolutely bonkers.

General sound of noise in garden, including football = ok during the day. 9 o'clock at night is getting towards the late side but not a problem in itself unless it is seriously rowdy.

Sound of football/tennis ball being kicked against fence = not ok at any time of the day. Fence is usually marker between two properties, to keep them separate and private. Repeated kicking against fence risks damage to it. Even if fence is wholly owned by parents of football kickers, this isn't fair on neighbours.

Footballs coming into garden - not ok unless once in a blue moon. It's an intrusion into my space and can be extremely unpleasant. (General principal of live and let live - not disrupting what boys do in THEIR garden but I want to sit in my OWN garden without balls flying at my face.)

Never ok to damage someone else's property in the course of a game, so no hard or leather footballs in a garden unless its so big that there is no risk of this. Same goes for playing in the street.

Playing football in park: absolutely fine but remember its a public space. This means do your best to set up game away from the mum and baby group and the couples sunbathing and reading. Under no circumstances use locations of said groups/couple to mark your goal. Leather balls fine but if you can't kick one with enough control to avoid hurting people or damaging property then use a foam ball.

General principle: if in doubt, give your kids a foam or soft ball and make sure they avoid intruding on others. Sets them up for life well with good lessons about compromising and being considerate. Anyone who complains about kids playing like this is a grinch, and that includes me. (Unless it's past ten and they are shattering glass with their whooping and hollering.)

Sorted. Everyone can enjoy the great outdoors. Even in a crowded city on a crowded island it really isn't that difficult.

Oh, and don't throw balls back. If they come knocking, tell them you will return all balls once a day at 9pm. That'll teach them.

Our balls go over all the time, that is one drawback of sponge balls, they travel a long way and are somewhat unpredictable. Also the fence is only about a metre high and our garden is narrow. Any that land within about 5' of the boundary I hook back with a beach fishing net, those that go further are sent back by the neighbour, but we don't go banging on the door for them, he just pops them back next time he goes out in the garden.

Oh and the neighbour's garden consists of lawn and patio only, no pots or plants that could be damaged, so the sponge balls really are pretty safe.

Mrtumbles, I'm not saying that the use of my garden should trump the neighbours, but when I'm in my garden I don't want to have to duck every time a ball comes over the fence or worry that it might hit one of my two very tiny dogs. The little boy behind my house 'occasionally' knocks his ball into my garden and I used to go out and throw it back, but now I throw it back when I'm doing something in the garden. He's a lovely wee boy and the houses behind have very small gardens so I don't mind the occasional ball coming over.

However the two beside me seem to have copious amounts off balls and they would come over 3/4 times a day. I've already had to replace a fence panel at my own expense as the parents are unapproachable. I can't sit in my garden when they're playing football because they like to kick the ball at the fence to make it bounce and the noise is horrible and sets my dogs off. When these things are happening they are not simply playing in THEIR garden but impacting on my use off MY garden. When I go out to my garden it in NO way impacts on them! So tell me how me using my garden trumps them?

Miaow

they sound like me at the bowling ally. I sometimes think if I tried to deliberately miss the ions I might actually hit them!

Stay the sound of your dogs in no way impacts anyone?

Some families who allow garden football may be horrible and aggressive, so may the kids, and so may many families who don't allow garden football but smoke near a boundry, have loud/ late parties (or ones that seem loud and late to attached neighbors with light sleeping small kids), some may park inconsiderately but not illegally, some may do building work that is legal but causes noise or dust or access inconvenience....

Kids playing football in their own garden is a normal part of life in a residential area - but of course parents should be receptive to a neighbor politely asking them to make the kids use an appropriate softer ball and take reasonable measures to ensure it doesn't go over the fence most of the time.

My dogs only bark because they bounce the ball of the fence! Didn't I just state that? I DON'T have a problem with kids playing in their garden, I've brought up three kids, and if you'd read what I wrote you would see that my issue is with the balls that come over 3/4 days and the damage to my fence! Why should I have to accept that? I don't know why you seem hell bent on only picking out what suits your argument. Can't be bothered explaining myself further on this topic!

I do think that some families aren't considerate of their neighbours and think that because they have children, they are entitled to make as much noise as possible. I was brought up in a terraced house and there's no way that I would have been allowed to bounce a ball constantly against the neighbours wall or fence.

There are certain unspoken rules you try and follow if you live near other people, you notify your neighbours if your having a bbq in the garden when they have a line full of washing for example, or you try and make sure that noise is curtailed during certain times, if you live in a flat you don't put your washing machine on at unsociable times unless it's absolutely necessary etc.

Thanks again for all the replies - it sounds like there are a lot of garden users who do find the heavier balls against their boundaries and landing in their gardens a real nuisance.

I take the point about suggesting a softer ball - however I feel that parents of the footballers should really consider these options once the issue has already been raised by neighbours with damaged property.

I also take the point that there are lots of other actions people do in their gardens that cause inconvenience - as outlined by Tumbles..however given how simple it would be to avoid upsetting neighbours with footballs it would be nice if more people took this on board.

Hugest sympathies with everyone affected by the issue - I think unless you have sat on the other side of a boundary that you paid for (makes it worse if it is your expensive fence being battered) and had your child hit and your plants squashed then you don't understand the stress it can induce.

Staywithme - to have it on all 3 boundaries..eek, hope you get to enjoy your garden this summer xx

Oh - and Dancingwithmeandthecat - maybe you should run for prime minister - I would vote for you - what a reasonable set of guidelines you suggest :-)

dogs barking is different from football because the dogs are in your garden, not bouncing a ball against a fence and kicking it over damaging property! Granted if the dogs were constantly making noise or doing so at night, I'd be peeved at a neighbour but dog ownership doesn't mean you can never complain about someone's inconsiderate and damaging behaviour.

Really surprised at how many people seem to think football against fence or kicking over is ok. My sisters and I would have got a right telling off and even in our fairly large garden weren't allowed hard balls. My nieces and nephews threw a frisbee over when I was over last weekend, and even though their neighbour was nice about it my sister made them play with something else. (And my sister is very far from perfect and a long way down the I am entitled because I have kids road).

Cherry. Thank you, but thank goodness it's only on two boundaries. The wee boy behind is only young and as he's got older it doesn't come over as much, thank goodness. The parents and granny are lovely and don't expect me to throw it back right away. The kids on the other side are getting worse as they get older and show no respect to any neighbours, including the wee pensioners on their other side.

Cherryad thank you. I am indeed thinking of putting myself forward.

My platform would be to stop creating ludicrous ideas around tinkering with health and education which cost loads of money and cause absolute chaos and to focus instead on people being nice, reasonable and considerate.

People who failed would require intervention, consisting of very polite sponge cake and cheap prosecco group sessions in which they would be encouraged to compromise once a day and do something nice for a stranger at least once every two days.

cheap prosecco
Sorry but you are being VVVVU! Good quality Pinot Noir please?

It sounds like the parents are not going to come up with strategies even if you think they should so you may have to as suggested say, you get your ball back when your parents come to collect it.

Then when they do or after the nth time say 'I think it is lovely that your dc are so active and healthy and I certainly don't want to stop their fun but I don't want the fence destroyed either so how about a compromise.

They could go to decathlon and get one of the cheap goal sets. Put that in front of fence.
Put some net behind that and above height of fence to soften the blows and keep balls in their garden and no football after 9pm. And foam balls.

If they mention the hassle/expense point out it is cheaper than a fence.

But do bear in mind the (football) boot will be on the other foot in a few years time.

I have a 10 year old boy whose mates come round and kick a ball around the garden. They are told in no uncertain terms that if it goes over once they are out. We have reinforced our neighbours fence to try and avoid any damage and the kids have a goal they use which is turned away from the fence. They go to the park most of the time and only come into the garden when the older kids are there and they can't use the goal. Also 9pm is not late.

Your child will be in this situation in a few years time and you will be faced with the same predicament. Personally the constant bloody strimming, mowing, hedge cutting does my head in and not children playing.

I won't let mine play football in the garden with the leather ball as its too easy to cause damage with it even though they're only little. I do let them play with a lighter plastic ball so long as it doesn't go over the fence more than a couple of times, if it does I take the ball in.

I'd have a word with the parents about the damage (and expect them to fix it) but you can't really expect them not to play in their own garden.

oooh, so glad to read this thread. I've been itching to post my own aibu but figured I'd get an unanimous yabu so it's refreshing to see I'm not alone in my annoyance at the thumping and whacking from balls hitting the fence. its been driving me batty - I hate it and the fence is getting seriously damaged. will suggest a lighter ball next time it happens!

This is my first message too. Heavy footballs/basketballs often come into my garden . They are usually being thrown at the hoop from a huge trampoline so I have the noise of the trampoline, heavy balls hitting the basket ball stand and then coming into my garden, My neighbour's children have grown up and left home but she now encourage lots of children to use her garden. Mostly teenagers and they come in groups of 3-6 or more. The police have been involved but they say they can do nothing. Can anyone offer any advice.

I have a football daft 9 year old. He is absolutely not allowed to play football in the garden. I think it's only really acceptable if you have a detached property. Proper leather footballs can do a lot of damage.

I don't have an issue with the thud sounds of a football being kicked around or even that bothered when one comes over the fence but I do get the rage with it being crashed against the fence every 30 seconds at full pelt. I confess after 30 minutes of trying to work in my home office listening to the fence taking a constant battering I did lose my shit and ended up shouting out the window .

It has calmed down a lot since then but I honestly think the parents are inconsiderate fuckers letting him kick the ball so hard constantly against the fence. Consequently I don't throw balls back anymore and funnily enough they don't come and ask for them either!

If that was happening to me I wouldn't return the ball to the kids. I would ask for the parent to come round, politely show them the layout and the damage that was being done. I would explain that if any pots/ plants etc are damaged they will need to be paid for. There's lots your neighbours could do including putting trellis on top of the boundary, providing a softer/lighter ball, sending kids to playground and /or providing other outside play such as swing ball which doesn't fly over the fence. Why do you have a duty to return a ball that is coming onto your property? I don't think you do.