Football in back gardens - serious debate!

[Cherryad3]

Hi, this is my first post - I am genuinely curious as to what is and what is not deemed unreasonable regarding the playing of football in a back garden.

I have one child who is 4. Next door have 3 boys of 8, 9 and 10 and now the weather is nicer they are predictably in their back garden kicking a large leather football around and about...often up until 9pm and sometimes later.

While I appreciate it is lovely that children are enjoying fresh air and exercise, at what point does this become harassment to neighbours. I am talking about the same heavy ball hitting my child hard in the face, squashing my carefully cultivated pot plants and garden shrubs and generally causing horrid noise and damage to 6ft fence as it bangs against it on a regular basis.

Should neighbours such as myself just tolerate such inconvenience as part of life and keep passing the ball back so that it can be kicked in again at a later date.

I know this is an issue for many many people - some the owners of little footballers and some the neighbours of them - I feel like there should be an official guideline on what is and is not acceptable...what do you think?!

Lots of green spaces have 'no ball games' signs.

What neighbours do in their garden is their business, until they start to physically endanger me or my children in our own garden. They shouldn't be doing any activity that endangers you in your own garden.

I sympathise with you OP. I put up with this with from my neighbour's kids every night for about 9 months of the year and they are 16 and 18. Some nights it goes on till 11pm. I went round the other week in my PJs to ask if they could stop playing at 10pm as we had an early morning start. The dad took them inside but they were back out the next night. Last year we had to replace the broken fence panels when they went on holiday. This made them stop for a while but not forever.

Are you throwing the ball back over or are they having to come round and knock for it?

If it's the later i would get slower and slower at answering the door. 3rd or 4th time i'd say they could have it back tomorrow. If the parents came round i'd tel them i was fed up with the ball hitting my son and breaking stuff in the garden.

Never pop the ball and hand it back flat i'd never do that, oh no

We used to have major problems with the kids next door playing football. Shed damage, plant damage and incessant noise! When little DS2 got hit by the ball coming over for the umpteenth time I just calmly opened the door (again) and told them I would give it to their mum when she came round later. They obviously then had to tell her and when she did come round she was mortified that they had been causing such a nuisance. She told them they had to either play in the field down the road or keep the ball low, under fence level. End of football problem and neighbourly relations saved.

they can play in their own garden and the noise has to be lived with. Trouble is that it isn't big enough for a kickabout so they are damaging next door's garden, as well as hitting the little kid by accident.

EVERY town or city has at least one big park which allows ball games. The parents will have to take them out.

Hiya, I have found this post really interesting. I agree that complaining about the noise (however irritating I find it) would be unreasonable.

I must admit that coming from 'the other side of the fence' now (haha!), I will not be letting children play football in the garden when they are bigger - they will have to go/be taken to the park or do something else. When I say play football I am talking the big lobbing kicks...not the small volleying kicks that do not cause bother that some kids seem capable of.

For those if you who asked, I have approached the parents - not much in the way of apology for the physical hit, and v little regard for my plants - more an attitude of what do you want us to do about it!

I am reassured to see that so many people agree that if the ball cannot be kept in their own garden then their garden is not the place to be playing that particular game. It is easy to doubt your own opinion when these things seem to be deemed acceptable by others.

I had started to feel that I was being out of order - I don't want to be the 'witch' of the street, I like the boys themselves, but I likewise don't want to be a doormat.

Will see what the summer brings - it's a shame it fills some people with dread due to others thoughtless behaviour.

There have been numerous threads on this and I can see why!! It is so annoying. Whether they are playing in gardens or on the road. Damage to cars, damage to plants, running into neighbours garden up to 15 times in an hour (in my case) and slamming the garden gate, climbing on my wall to see where the ball has gone... Pisses me off no end. As I said in another post, I'm going to start locking my gate now so once the ball is in my garden then it's game over.

When balls come over into my garden, I leave them, and let NDN come and collect them. I used to throw then back, but this merely meant the balls coming back all the more often. They have a basketball hoop right next to the fence of a large garden where they could easily put it where the ball would never come over into anyone's garden. Today it was a football, squashing my newly-planted veggies.

I have never complained about the ball coming over, and always do the big smile, etc when they come to ask for the ball. I've only twice asked them not to play, once at 7.00 in the morning, once at 10 at night. Never ever said how the constant pounding of ball against concrete can be heard all through my house. I just don't throw it back any more. This would appear to be a very bad thing, as the mum of the children no longer speaks to me, will hide if she sees me coming. There's a huge, 24/7 sports field less than a hundred yards away.

I suppose what I'm saying is that by not playing the game, i.e. facilitating their constant intrusions into my life, I'm somehow the bad guy.

Cherry it's a difficult one isn't it. It annoys the bejeezus out of me but I am annoyed with myself for being annoyed because I know it's inreasonable to be annoyed by it!

I wonder if they could get a lighter ball. Or you could convince them that using a tennis ball to practise keepy-uppy will hone their skills

It would bother me if it was a leather football. I don't think a back garden is the right place for that. It's not just about your property, but they could easily put a leather ball through their own windows!

I've got a little boy next door who is football mad. We are good friends with them though, so that might make a difference I suppose. I love hearing him out there and when the ball comes over, he climbs over and gets it himself. It's a good excuse for me to steel him for a chat for 5 mins! I do wince a bit, when I hear it against my fence for the 50th time, but tbh, I shout at him to watch my fence, and he always apologises.

He's a good kid and as I said they are good friends, so that could make a difference.

In your situation, I'd make one of the parents come get the ball every time it comes into your garden. Don't throw it back, or give it to the children when they knock for it. That strategy will alert the parents to the fact that this isn't a once-in-a-while thing, and is extremely unreasonable.

The boys who live directly behind me play in their garden frequently. Their footballs and cricket balls hit my fence repeatedly, and finally broke the fence in two places. I called the Mum to inform them of the damage, and said the fence would need to be repaired - at their expense. Ever since they paid the bill (which was surprisingly high), the boys have played their footie elsewhere.

Just don't give the ball back.

I've had 3 boys in our back garden and have never used a proper leather ball, it's shite practice!!

I always get pissed off by parents who think big balls are tbe answer!

Small balls hone their skills, tis true!

cricketballs I don't have 4 yo's I have a 19.5yo and a 17.5yo, both boys, both liked playing football. Neither were allowed to kick a ball against a fence at any time of the day because it pissed me off least of all 9pm or later! If they wanted to play football they had to do it away from the neighbour's fences, if they couldn't do that they had to go to the park or do something else!

If your child is a boy you should think on, he might get invited next door to play football with the boys when he's a bit older.

I'd say YABU.

It's accidental, not deliberate vandalism.

If they've hit your child, let then know to be careful.

I love the noise of kids playing football in gardens.

My 10 yo DS is obsessed with ball games, but we only allow sponge footballs in the garden, the leather ones are for park use only. I'm proud of my garden and don't want it destroyed, not to mention the neighbours, who are really good about sending them back over the fence several times a week.

Mine do play out till getting on for 9 at this time of year, but there are no younger children nearby and they are made to keep the noise down, screaming is not permitted at any time. Altogether I think this makes it reasonable.

Don't say you will only let yours play it in the park, it is great to be able to just send them out to kick a ball about any time of the day, it can be managed reasonably.

It may be accidental that doesn't make it acceptable.

The OP's DS does have the right to play in his own garden without risk of being hit by a heavy leather football. The OP also has the right not to have her plants damaged. They should be playing with a sponge ball or some alternative that is less likely to cause damage and should also be taught not to hit it so hard that it constantly goes over the fence.

Why does the alternative have to be computer games? Do some people have no imagination? There are other games that can be played other than football or computer games.

Its not only boys who play football my nearly 9 year old DD has been on a team since she was 5 - trains twice a week, tournaments once or twice a month, just as likely as her brothers to be out playing football with the neighbor kids (boys and girls) for hours.

Poor 4 year old if he OR she is not allowed to kick a ball about unless taken to the park - which I'm betting doesn't happen daily.

OP can't you ask your neighbor to have her children use a softer ball (sponge or plastic) emphasising that it comes over the fence a lot and has hit your child
and damaged things - if your neighbor is at all
reasonable he/she will make that change, because it is a logical request - just complaining or commenting without a specific request, or asking that the children not be allowed to play in their own garden would be unreasonable and most likely get you nowhere.

I would buy a decent sponge ball as a good will gesture and take it round to them, asking that they use that in future.

If the leather ball still comes over then keep it for a loooong time.

Is trellis on top of the fence a possibility?

I have found a method of reducing the number of items that some over my fence is only to return them when it suits me. This was after my front door bell was rung 7 times in one hour.
When I potter round my garden I return all balls, frisbees and arrows to next door, but it maybe three or four days till they get them. Arrows sometimes are damaged beyond repair .

I'm shocked at the number of posters who think that the OP should just put up with it because 'they' think it's ok to listen to the sound of a football bouncing of a wall/fence! So because you think it's ok then we should just suck if up, because that's what kids do! Why should the OP lose the enjoyment of her garden because the next door neighbours want to play football? If your behaviour, or in this case your children's behaviour, is impacting on other people then surely it's good manners to take that into consideration?

I hate the noise of the ball next door. My neighbours dc seem quarantined to the house even though they are old enough to go to the brand new leisure centre around the corner by themselves and there are plenty of children in our cul de sac who all play together in the grassed area directly opposite my house. I feel like I cant sit in my own garden as the constant thud of the ball, being hit or my flowers being squashed is annoying. I would like some peace and quiet.

As other posters have said - only return the ball to a parent. If you have to be disturbed, they do too. Their parents will soon get sick of it.