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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there's nothing wrong with sharing a flat with two men?

68 replies

lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 17:27

As a lone female? Not friends, but strangers. I'm looking for a new house/flat share for when my next uni term begins. I've previously been placed in student housing, but now I need to rent privately.

Very expensive area. Lots of students, lots of shared rooms to rent, actual private rooms are generally more expensive. I've noticed that houses with females tend to be priced higher. I found a private room in a house with two boys - ages 19 and 20.

Family don't want me to consider it, they don't feel it's safe. Would others consider it? Or do my family have it right, is this inviting risk?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 03/07/2014 17:28

Boys yes, adult men - no.

Those are kids to me.

HecatePropylaea · 03/07/2014 17:30

I suppose their thinking is that you, as a woman, are statistically more at risk of assault ( I assume that is what your family mean by 'risk') from men than from women and while that is true, most men are actually decent people. tbh, I would be more worried about ending up being the only one cleaning the ruddy loo than any other sort of risk.

I wouldn't rule it out. I'd go, meet them, see what I thought of them, have a look at the room etc and then decide.

eurochick · 03/07/2014 17:31

It wouldn't bother me. I haven't rented in that combo but have me + 3 strangers (1 woman, 2 men) and me + 1 stranger (man). I had a great time in both houses. Much better in fact than the two occasions I shared solely with women.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 03/07/2014 17:31

The main thing that would worry me was would I end up doing all the housework Grin

CoffeeTea103 · 03/07/2014 17:32

Tbh I wouldn't.

BarbarianMum · 03/07/2014 17:32

YANBU It would not cross my mind that this would constitute risky behaviour per sec. Ime most people are reasonable and safe.

My only concern would be over the cleanliness and cleaning of communal areas.

Original poster
lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 17:32

I feel along those lines, too. I'm not much older. I wouldn't consider if it were men in their thirties. Yet odds are, a 19 and 20 year old are still physically bigger and stronger than me... so is it much different?

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope82 · 03/07/2014 17:36

I shared with three men when I was at uni. It was horrible, they entered my room and took my heater when I was away for a week, I walked in on one peeing as he didnt lock the door and I had breakfast with different girls every day but it was cheap.

Then they pointed an air gun at me, spat on my hamster and in the end I called the police on them and spent two weeks on my friends floor and got my dad to get my stuff out of the house.

They were Irish and nosy and messy and rude and lacked boundries but I think this was just them as the three were friends and doing a cource in the same country.

Im theory I think shareing with men is fine but make sure you have a lock on your door and clear boundries.

Original poster
lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 17:36

I've thought of the housework thing too, but I'd rather do most of the cleaning if that was the situation than have some of the experiences I've had with female roommates. I generally get along better with men and I tend to do more cleaning than others.

OP posts:
Original poster
lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 17:37

Oh no! AnAirofHope that sounds awful.

I would definitely make sure to have a good lock on my door the day I moved in.

OP posts:
familygermsareok · 03/07/2014 17:39

Are your potential flat mates students too? Have you met them and viewed the house?
I wouldn't rule out sharing with a couple of males just because they are male but I would want to meet them and see the house set up first, as I would with female flat mates.
I have flat shared with a man I had only known for a few weeks when I was in my 20s. He was travelling the world but working for periods to build up finances every so often and I met him through work.
One of my friends flat shared in private accomodation with 3 previously unknown males when she was a student ( they were all students too).
No problems at all encountered. I wouldn't really consider it different to female flat mates as long as I didn't get any strange vibes.

Bowlersarm · 03/07/2014 17:40

I did. It was great.

Moid1 · 03/07/2014 17:40

I shared with two gay men, no problems with cleaning there. Actually it was me they were haranguing for not doing enough. Again, there were strange men sometimes sharing our living room and some of the stories they told me.....

specialsubject · 03/07/2014 17:41

you don't want to move in with strangers, full stop. You need to meet this men, talk to them, discuss how things would work and see if you would all get along.

There's no reason men should be more or less house-trained than women.
The vast majority of men would not even think of attacking you. Women can attack too, although most won't.

my sister flat-shared with three men at uni. All totally platonic and she was by far the messiest!!

CheeryName · 03/07/2014 17:41

I have flat shared with men and women. It never crossed my mind really. I wouldn't share with a hamster-spitting-wierdo but I don't think that has anything to do with gender.

whatsbehindthegreendoor · 03/07/2014 17:44

How narrow minded of your family to have that attitude. My son's 20 this year, I'd be gutted to think that people thought he was risky to live with! In fact, in August, he's going to be moving in with 3 girls - I'm more worried that they'll have him fixing their computers for them all the time than anything more sinisiter!

AnAirOfHope82 · 03/07/2014 17:44

I think its the people not the gender that count when house sharing tbh. I would meet them then decided.

exexpat · 03/07/2014 17:47

I shared a flat with two men I didn't know when I was 20 - they were also in their early 20s, and we were all language students/TEFL teachers in a city overseas. One (Canadian) was fine, one (American) was an irritating idiot, but I think you stand equal chances of annoying flatmates no matter what their gender. Luckily they both moved on within a few months and I replaced them with friends of mine.

You'd definitely need to meet them first and get a feel for if they are reasonable people who will treat you as an equal, or laddish types who will expect you to do the washing up and then hit on you when they are drunk.

NCISaddict · 03/07/2014 17:48

My DS is moving in with three girls next year, he's 20 and I would hate to think their parents think he's a risk to them. I shared with strange men when I left home, it was fun and I felt perfectly safe.

cantbelievemyeyes · 03/07/2014 17:48

I shared a house with two men (strangers) in my final year- I don't think it ever crossed my mind that I might not be safe and I certainly wouldn't say its 'inviting risk'. They were perfectly nice, did their share of the housework, and I had no problems with them at all. You could find unpleasant housemates of either sex; there's no real way of knowing until you're living with people unfortunately. I'd just go and meet them and make a decision just as you would with any other houseshare possibility.

SparkyUK · 03/07/2014 17:50

Hmm. The only time I had trouble with where I lived was when at uni, some pervert figured out it was just me and my female roomate living in the flat and took to standing outside our door and, erm, pleasuring himself. quality. what a wanker.

scurryfunge · 03/07/2014 17:50

I shared a house 25 years ago with three blokes. We had a ball. I married one of them (still married).

KirjavaTheCat · 03/07/2014 17:50

I lived with two boys. One of them is now my DH Grin

It was loads of fun.

trufflesnout · 03/07/2014 17:51

I don't understand why it would ever be an issue.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 03/07/2014 17:52

I have a slightly different opinion due to a very bad experience with a unknown male flatmate. I think the point is that moving in with strangers is risky is a good one. I would pay more to get a studio flat myself but as I say I may be biased by my own very bad experience.