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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there's nothing wrong with sharing a flat with two men?

68 replies

lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 17:27

As a lone female? Not friends, but strangers. I'm looking for a new house/flat share for when my next uni term begins. I've previously been placed in student housing, but now I need to rent privately.

Very expensive area. Lots of students, lots of shared rooms to rent, actual private rooms are generally more expensive. I've noticed that houses with females tend to be priced higher. I found a private room in a house with two boys - ages 19 and 20.

Family don't want me to consider it, they don't feel it's safe. Would others consider it? Or do my family have it right, is this inviting risk?

OP posts:

Deverethemuzzler · 03/07/2014 17:54

I have shared with men/boys loads of times (when I was younger). Living in shared accommodation was normal back then. No one had their own flats.

Mostly it was fine. Everyone was bonkers anyway.

I did get a few who would burst in to my room hoping to catch me undressed but I didn't really get it at the time. Its only when i look back I think

CompanionCube · 03/07/2014 17:54

I house shared with 7 men (aged 25 to 40 something) when I left home and it was fine. I miss that house.

teaandthorazine · 03/07/2014 17:57

Blimey, I rented with two (straight) blokes when I was in my early twenties and it never crossed my mind that I was putting myself at risk. And I think I was the messiest by quite a long way . One was a friend of a friend of a friend, granted, but they were still total strangers to me.

Before that I lived with three women and they were vile. I hated every minute of living there, psychotic cows that they were.

happy362 · 03/07/2014 18:04

Nothing wrong with it. I lived with 5 of my best male mates when I was at uni and we had the best time ver. I actually prefer male friends anyway. There was no jealousy, bitching, comparing. It was fabulous and we are still friends now.
There is nothing wrong with it. Of course some people may have thought it odd. Did I care? Of course not!

happy362 · 03/07/2014 18:08

I've had a bad experience renting from what I thought were best friends. They stole my money using my bank card fraudulently and another time there was a girl who just did not like me from the beginning and was horrible.

But the thing is, I am aware they were not the norm and so I decided to rent with people again. It worked out brilliantly.

I would much rather live eith people then have my own place. Lived alone once and I almost became ill with the loneliness.

Maleducada · 03/07/2014 18:12

I wouldn't but that is because of the men I lived with in my 20s, they ate my food, walked in to my bedroom to take the toilet roll i'd hidden when it was their turn to buy it........ they were nice guys, and i'm still in touch with one of them, but despite being my age, they not only allowed me to mammy them, they kind of cast me in the role of being their mammy. one went to manchester for a LONG weekend once and left every plate and saucepan in the house in the kitchen sink. It takes a while to recover from living with men. I wouldn't go back.

starfishmummy · 03/07/2014 18:16

I have. The first time I was a student in a shared house but one where the landlady rented the rooms separately rather than he house as a whole. Someone moved out and the next person in was male. It was fine.
Second time was with a gay couple. s a lodger in their house so no worries there!

MaidOfStars · 03/07/2014 18:18

Based on nothing more than gut feeling, I'd say if they are academic/geeky student types, they aren't likely to fit the profile for violent criminals. You're biggest problem, as with any student share, will be mess, noise and someone finishing off your milk.

(Am happy to retract my statement that students are less criminally violent that the general population if someone has any evidence they want to present...).

MaidOfStars · 03/07/2014 18:18

Your

LurcioAgain · 03/07/2014 18:25

I shared a house with three men as a young professional back in the early 90s and had no problems.

Buttercup27 · 03/07/2014 18:27

At least you wouldn’t have any bitching! I wouldn't 5 a problem with it.

OorWullie · 03/07/2014 18:27

I flat shared with two boys at 18 because it was closer to college than my hometown. They were friends of mine though.

i hacked it for six weeks but they were a nightmare to live with and i packed it in.

i wouldnt say it was unsafe though.

gamescompendium · 03/07/2014 18:29

There's nothing wrong with sharing with someone of the opposite sex. As a student in university accomodation I shared with lots of strangers - in the old days we didn't get any choice over who we shared with. Over my long student career I shared with 21 people, mainly female but about a third men, most of whom I didn't know before I share a flat with them. The real weirdos were all female (as were the ones who became lifelong friends). The blokes were generally fine.

sashh · 03/07/2014 18:30

I shared with 2 men when I was younger. Re the cleaning - I negotiated with them to pay an extra £5 a week (many years ago) for a cleaner once a week just for the communal areas.

unlucky83 · 03/07/2014 18:42

I have lived in lots of house shares ...from age 17 - 33
I have lived in mixed households, all girls and me and all boys - and apart from the last one - mixed, 5 of us and I lived there 6 yrs and by that stage was involved with vetting of new flatmates -the best experiences I've had were all the male ones.
All female - can tend to bitchiness and depending on your filth threshold you may end up doing most of the cleaning anyway...(it was an all girl flat share where the cleaner refused to come back unless we tidied up before she came).

I've lived with two men (one was a friend of a friend's brother), then with 4 'strange' men -twice...
All I would say I found 5 of either sex in a house share was just about right - three people and you can feel like the odd one out - too many and you never feel like you know/trust anyone...
I'd go for it - lock on your door - and see how it goes...

LurcioAgain · 03/07/2014 18:42

Actually I've just remembered a brilliant story from my student days. One of my contemporaries was a mature student, a Franciscan nun who after 20 years as a midwife in a nursing order got permission to do a theology degree. I remember her telling me that she'd been asked at interview whether she'd be okay living on a mixed staircase with men. She replied that after 20 years in a mixed apartment building in the Occupied West Bank she really didn't think a mixed staircase would be a problem.

Eastwiththem · 03/07/2014 18:48

I shared with men and women in the first year of uni (total strangers as the uni had organised who went in to which accommodation) and it was fine. Only issue was noise as there were about 20 of us, luckily we had our own shower-rooms so cleaning wasn't a problem.

I then moved in to a flat with 3 other girls. It was horrible and by the end of the tenancy I used to dread coming home. It was always one rule for me and another for them (they knew each other before uni), so I had to do my turn on the cleaning rota perfectly but it was ok for them to skip their turn if they had too many lectures that week. They never washed up and our kitchen became mouse infested. They also used to open my mail when they thought it looked interesting, and things would move about my room so definitely didn't feel safe and secure there.

Then I moved in to a flat with three boys and one other girl. It was great and we all got on really well. We had a dishwasher so cleaning up wasn't a huge issue, the bathroom was a bit manky but nothing unbearable (helped one of the boys was a little obsessive about hygiene so would clean a lot without prompting). They all had their own girlfriends and weren't dickheads so never got even a whiff of sexual interest/harassment off them.

Go and meet them, check out the flat, and if they seem like nice guys I would go for it. Especially if it's only a short term tenancy and you can get out if things do go horribly wrong.

ChangelingToday · 03/07/2014 18:52

I shared with two men before, was great, much easier time than some of the girls I've shared with.

Cardinal · 03/07/2014 18:54

I had the best time of life living with two 20 year old boys at uni. They were really protective of me, brilliant at fending off creepy guys in clubs and would frequently suggest that their boyishness was annoying and bugger off so I could have a long bath!

Still great friends now.

unlucky83 · 03/07/2014 19:03

Oh that's a good point - try and avoid moving into a flat where everyone else are old friends...
I remember feeling horrendously left out once - moved in with four strangers who had know each other for years and they decided on an impromptu BBQ. Two of them were going off for supplies and the other 2 were telling them what to get - I didn't feel comfortable saying get me XYZ -I didn't know them well enough - and they didn't ask me if I wanted anything ...felt like I was unwelcome and went out to avoid it. But in retrospect (and age) I realised it was my fault too - they just didn't think and I should have just said something...instead of running away .

Cuteypatootey · 03/07/2014 19:03

Yes, I was the lone female in a house of 4 men. Didn't see this as a big issue.

HearMyRoar · 03/07/2014 19:09

I house shared with 2 guys once. It was fine, except one of them was really, really tidy and drove me mad hoovering at 7am before he went to work. Funnily enough gender stereotypes about men are just as much crap as those about women.

I houseshared with one other guy for over a year and he was great. We became good friends and he's probably one of the best househares I had. Never gave me any bother and always did his share of housework.

Original poster

lettertoherms · 03/07/2014 20:08

Thanks for all the replies! Glad to see I'm not being unreasonable. Hearing of other's experiences was helpful. I'm a worrier by nature, so to be told I should be wary of something I wasn't worried about did my head in a bit.

Definitely will be setting up a meeting first, wasn't planning to rent unseen, will have to take an extra trip, but it will be worth it.

OP posts:

Sneezecakesmum · 03/07/2014 20:13

Only if you like living in filth and squalor.

You could try it for a term though, they might be exceptions to the rule

QuacksForDoughnuts · 03/07/2014 20:15

I'd be warier about going in with two housemates who'd been together a while than about the fact that they're male - you run the risk of coming into a place where house rules are already set in stone, which can be aggravating even if it's just 'sport gets priority on TV' or 'no guests on Mondays' rather than 'hide the poo commences at 4pm every Friday and no room is out of bounds'. So you need to have a decent conversation with the prospective housemates before committing to anything - that should uncover any creepy vibes as well as other difficulties.

The gender thing might be reason for pause, but on the other hand there's a lady posting on another thread about the hell her sister is going through with a female roommate, so there's more to it than whether someone has indoor or outdoor plumbing.

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