To tell her to take the stuff back?

[youbuggerz]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and I have just started to buy baby stuff. I am working to a budget, deciding to buy the big things first like the car seat etc and then Ill do the fun stuff like clothes when Im on maternity leave.

My DM has been out shopping today and bought a load of stuff for the baby- mostly cute clothes. She is now asking for money for them from me.

I have specifically told her I am looking to do the shopping later on in the pregnancy. She's a bit of a shopaholic and doesn't have much money as she only works part time so I warned her that I didn't want her to buy anything for the baby.

She's kicking up saying that I can't expect freebies from her- which I don't, i just want to do the shopping myself and choose what i want for my baby. Besides, its all neutral stuff and I know what flavour Im having, i just haven't told anyone yet so i do want to buy gender specific items.

AIBU to tell her to take it back?

She sounds like a nightmare. You really need to nip this in the bud. Now. though I don't know how you're going to stop her feeling as if its all your fault
Of course you want to sort it out for your new DD when she comes.
If it was a present, then it would be more understandable.

There is a possible issue with you returning the items. If she paid buy card, the store will need to see it and the receipt.

Tell her you can't afford John Lewis baby clothes and she will have to take it back. She sounds very odd to me, if she wants to buy things then they should be gifts, she's not a personal shopper and it's unfair as you want the fun of clothes shopping when the time is right.

This is very peculiar behaviour. You need to stamp it out once and for all and tell her you will not be paying for her shopping now or ever.

I loved choosing clothes for my dd's too, I hated people buying clothes that I didn't like ( my mum bought a few cheap nasty looking dresses that dd only wore for half an hour when she visited ).

So she gets the fun of choosing the things and shopping for them, funded by you? Forget that noise! It's so not high-maintenance to enjoy shopping for children's clothes - I am a bargain hunter too and have kitted out DS's next size up wardrobe almost entirely second-hand - but I am very choosy and only buy to my taste. So I am quite proud of finding him a year's worth of good-quality clothes (Next/Boden/Gap etc) for a relatively small amount. Someone swooping in and buying it all new on my behalf and my dime would really annoy me!

Really really odd thing to do on her part.

Of course you are completely in the right to ask her to return these things.

You need to stand firm or this could go on forever

DGPs will want to buy nice things for the baby, and give as gifts. But you, as the parent, should have the fun of choosing the things you want for your baby. Therefore she IBU. She likes shopping & wants you to fund it?

Holy Christ your Mum is so hilariously ridiculous.

I think you've got her motives etc nailed down and you know exactly what you're dealing with.

Nothing wrong with mummy dearest buying clothes for her soon-to-be grand child.

It's fucking weird asking for the money.....

Nip it in the bud now.

How does your father feel about all this spending?

My father says to me "You know what she's like, bloody shopping mad, I told her not to buy you any tat but she doesn't listen to me".

My dad has said that he's not spending any of his money on the baby like that and he's going to give me the money nearer the time to buy what I want as its my baby.

Give her the clothes and receipts back: it sounds as though your father is on your side so make sure hes there too

then tell her, nice and calmly
I am on a budget, these are too expensive (and not to my taste?)
I am sure you are excited about having a grandchild. But I will not be paying for these clothes or returning them: you cannot shop using my money, and I cannot return these without your card, so they are your problem to sort out. I don't expect freebies from you, BUT I expect you not to expend large amounts of money 'on my behalf' especially when I asked you not to.

John Lewis is very expensive given new borns wear clothes for about five minutes before they outgrow them!

I would just say that if she wants her money back for the things she chose to buy despite you telling her not to, then she does it herself. 1) because it's not your problem and 2) because you didn't buy it so you can't sort out refunds to her card etc (I don't know if that's true but it sounds good )

Your mum really is a bit old for a tantrum. Still, it's good practice for when your baby comes.

Chippednailvarnish- they are indeed! Hence why I'm not keen, i will have one 'going home' outfit, the rest will be baby grows I imagine!

i think standing your ground so she has to face up to returning the clothes herself might be the wake-up call she needs. she'll know she can't use you or your baby as an excuse to spend money in future. good luck OP.

Was the stuff in the sale and she has thought shes doing you a favour getting them cheaper and you can pay her back.

YANBU just seems strange to do it when you have told her not to. Tell her you dont want them, didn't ask for them and want to buy your own stuff you like

YANBU at all and you have to nip this in the bud

Because before you know it she'll giving your 3/4/5yo DD a present and then asking you to pay for it when it's too late to take it back off her without upsetting your child.

PILs did this to BIL and SIL's children, would offer to take them out for the day, get them all excited about going to some theme park or something and then demand money from BIL and SIL to pay for it all. Not just for the children but for themselves as well.

They would get all offended if BIL and SIL complained and say things like "But it's to give you a break" or "we are taking them off your hands, doing you a favour, and they'll be upset if we say they can't go now because you won't pay! You know we haven't got much money!"

BIL and SIL had four children so this wasn't cheap, and SIL especially used to complain that if they had wanted to pay for two adults to have a fun day out with their children she would rather those adults be her and BIL paying for themselves.

They would also invite them for dinner or to the beach for a picnic and then ask for money to buy the food.

Tell her you haven't got time to take the stuff back either. Give it back to her and remind her she only has so long to return it or she won't get her money back.

Although there's something to be said for having some neutral outfits. You can save them for your next baby or customise them so you have something unique. Or use them as basics underneath fancier, more colourful bits.

But you should get to choose them if you want them, especially if you are expected to pay for them.

YANBU at all. I'd be ever so cross if someone bought expensive clothes like that for my baby and then expected me to pay for them - I almost never buy babyclothes from places like JL because they're far too expensive!

Your mother has Issues. She also needs to take them back herself if it's on her credit card as all you would get would be a credit note, I'm pretty sure, which wouldn't be any use to you as you don't want to shop there!

Given her form I think telling her to take them back and that you are sick of her doing this is the only way to go.

Oh dear, she sounds a nightmare. What was she thinking .

I think your plan to leave it at her house with the receipt sounds like a good one. You have to be strong.

Also I would point out to her that you don't know what other people are going to buy you as gifts so it is a waste of money buying too much before the baby is born. I didn't buy much in the way of clothes when I was pregnant apart froma few pack of newborn babygrows. I got loads of 0-3 months stuff and didn't need to buy much at all till mine was a bit bigger.

Your dad sounds nice though!