Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to take the stuff back?

99 replies

youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:06

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and I have just started to buy baby stuff. I am working to a budget, deciding to buy the big things first like the car seat etc and then Ill do the fun stuff like clothes when Im on maternity leave.

My DM has been out shopping today and bought a load of stuff for the baby- mostly cute clothes. She is now asking for money for them from me.

I have specifically told her I am looking to do the shopping later on in the pregnancy. She's a bit of a shopaholic and doesn't have much money as she only works part time so I warned her that I didn't want her to buy anything for the baby.

She's kicking up saying that I can't expect freebies from her- which I don't, i just want to do the shopping myself and choose what i want for my baby. Besides, its all neutral stuff and I know what flavour Im having, i just haven't told anyone yet so i do want to buy gender specific items.

AIBU to tell her to take it back?

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 03/07/2014 16:27

Very bizarre behaviour!!!

Original poster
youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:28

I'm sounding super high maintenance now!

However I'm lurking around websites waiting for the sales to start so i can get some bargains, or it will give me something I can do when Im on mat leave.

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 03/07/2014 16:28

Her view is that she's taken the time to go and get these for me and i'm ungrateful

Bollocks! She is using that as an excuse to get you to fund her hobby of shopping.

Be firm! Tell her it is stuff you are not sure you can afford yet so it would be better for her to return it and you will buy your own stuff neareer the time when you know what your budget is.

LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 03/07/2014 16:30

She's the one who is high maintenance tell her to take it all back! What a cheek!

Original poster
youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:30

Its about £200s worth!

I rarely buy from John Lewis!

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 03/07/2014 16:32

YANBU.

You are not the high maintenance one here.

You are going to have to put your foot down with her, very firmly.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 16:36

Tell her to take it back.

OnlyLovers · 03/07/2014 16:38

She's a nightmare. You can't shop spontaneously and then expect other people to reimburse you. What a laugh.

Good luck putting your foot down! report back, won't you

Original poster
youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:38

Just had the bag of clothing and the receipt thrown at me and told I'll have to take it back as she doesn't have the time.

OP posts:
hotdrinkandaliedown · 03/07/2014 16:39

You will not take them back! You have better things to do. Keep the bag and receipt in a safe place, wait for her to ask for the money again and then calmly return them.

Oldraver · 03/07/2014 16:41

You are not high maintenence....now would be the time to put your foot down as if you dont it will escalate.

She sounds deranged...who spends £200 them demands the money

DramaAlpaca · 03/07/2014 16:42

Exactly what hotdrink says ^^

You didn't pay for the clothes, so they are not your problem.

pictish · 03/07/2014 16:42

Right...there is nothing else to done but to give it to her right between the eyes. You don't have to be rude or aggressive, but you will need to be flat.

"I do not want you to go shopping on my behalf without consulting me, then turn up here looking for payment for items I don't want and didn't ask for. You don't get to spend my money for me...do you understand?"

5Foot5 · 03/07/2014 16:43

Do not under any circumstances take it back for her. It is her responsibility. How incredibly cheeky she is

Patilla · 03/07/2014 16:46

Unless she bought them with cash, the cardholder needs to do the return, unless she wants £200 in John Lewis vouchers.

downperiscope · 03/07/2014 16:46

am guessing she must have paid with a card given it was £200 worth of clothes? in which case you can't take them back without her card. if it is cash then flippin heck she has a problem.

downperiscope · 03/07/2014 16:47

ooh psychic Patilla

pictish · 03/07/2014 16:48

Ooohh she's a one isn't she? Shock

Well fuck that obviously. I would gather up the purchases, along with the receipt, go and find her, and tell her for once and for all. No more vicarious retail therapy.

Original poster
youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:49

The thing that hacks me off is that the clothes is the fun bit.

Im creative and I want to dress my DD how i want to. Sounds shallow but thats one of the lovely things about being a mum if you are into that sort of thing.

She's had me and my brother so why doesn't she get that?

I'm not returning it. Its on her card so she can return it. FFS.

OP posts:
Patilla · 03/07/2014 16:50

I think it's simply a case that great minds think alike periscope Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2014 16:51

You say she's a shopaholic. Actually she looks like she might have quite a serious issue with compulsive spending. She's finding ways of shopping that are 'OK' because someone else pays. Just like other compulsive behaviour you mustn't enable it. Bag and receipt back to her and a firm, "no more shopping for us".

pictish · 03/07/2014 16:54

Of course you do. There's nothing wrong with that. She can buy gifts for the baby if she likes...but she isn't allowed to choose on your behalf unprompted, then expect you to cough up for the goods. No way.

Don't be used as a prop for her shopping obsession. That's her problem, and now she's trying to make it yours.
Doesn't have time indeed. Fuck. Off.

thegreylady · 03/07/2014 16:56

Just exchange it for stuff you need, bedding etc that you would have bought anyway and then you can give her the money but I can't imagine behaving like that. Buying stuff? Yes that I would do and keeping receipts so it could be exchanged but asking for the money? Never!

Original poster
youbuggerz · 03/07/2014 16:58

I wouldn't buy anything in John Lewis to be honest as I feel the prices are inflated there. I am a bargain hunter, i like to think Im saving money!.

When I leave after dinner I'm going to leave them in her living room receipt as well.

OP posts:
Groovee · 03/07/2014 17:01

Oh my word, it sounds more like she is high maintenance and needs you to bow down and thank her. I wouldn't thank anyone who did that to me.