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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS shouldn't be called "retarded" or "downie"?

70 replies

TheSameBoat · 02/07/2014 22:24

DS has Asperger's and dyslexia so teasing has been something he's (sadly) become used to.

He is seriously uncoordinated when it comes to sports such as football and running. This is down to his condition (it's on his diagnosis FGS) and as a result he is often blamed by his classmates for letting the side down and has been called "downie" and "retarded" by them.

Is this just banter that he has to put up with or is it as shocking as it sounds to me? And WIBU to ask that he be taken out of team sports?

OP posts:
frames · 02/07/2014 22:27

Its unacceptable. "Ffs you are shite at football"
That's banter.

FiveFingerDeathPunch · 02/07/2014 22:29

ffs of course it isn't
talk to the school and get it sorted, vile language

OscarWinningActress · 02/07/2014 22:29

God Shock...are there any adults present when this is going on? Totally unacceptable and the kids doing this should be disciplined/suspended.

AuditAngel · 02/07/2014 22:30

This reply has been deleted

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Happydaysatlastforthebody · 02/07/2014 22:30

It sounds dreadful. How does he feel about it? How old is he?

CoffeeTea103 · 02/07/2014 22:31

Yanbu it's vile and horrible. Take it up with his coach or teachers. He should not have to accept this.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/07/2014 22:32

You wouldn't mind him being called 'downie' if he had Downs?

Err really?

ColdTeaAgain · 02/07/2014 22:33

Unacceptable. Write a letter to the school and ask them how they are going to deal with the issue.

hazeyjane · 02/07/2014 22:33

I wouldn't mind "Downie" if he had Downs Shock really!!

It is not just banter, it is fucking hurtful and is hate speech, the school needs a serious talking to.

Wolfiefan · 02/07/2014 22:33

Totally unacceptable.

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 02/07/2014 22:33

To add never heard downie but retard is definatly commen insult and usually amongst friends at my dcs high school.

It's all in the context it's used, I.e is it just him being singled out, and if he is upset by it.

MrsMikeDelfino · 02/07/2014 22:34

That's not banter. That's verbal bullying. I'd definitely be taking it up with the teachers, they need to be doing something about it.

Purpleroxy · 02/07/2014 22:34

Wtaf
This language is abusive. Tell the school to sort it.

ColdTeaAgain · 02/07/2014 22:34

AuditAngel wtf??? Words fail me.

TruJay · 02/07/2014 22:35

That's disgusting!Definitely needs complaining about and if adults are present when this happens, shame on them.

angel how would u be ok with that? Not having a go but genuinely shocked that u would be ok with people calling your child that if he/she had downs syndrome

Parliamo · 02/07/2014 22:35

My DH is a pe teacher and would always always pick up any kid for using those terms. And not just a little tut either. If there are adults present then they should be challenging it every time.

I would be writing a letter/ making a phone call.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/07/2014 22:37

Poor DS! Awful. I can't believe the school is allowing it.

thornrose · 02/07/2014 22:37

This makes my blood boil. Angry I'm a TA and in my school we have absolute zero tolerance towards that kind of language. Even if an adult didn't hear it I assume a child would and they would report it.

My dd has AS and dyspraxia and other children get frustrated with her if she's on their team but no way would I allow her to put up with this kind of vile language.

I would very much mind 'Downie', whether he has Downs or not? Are you serious Audit?

nancy75 · 02/07/2014 22:40

How do children even learn such nasty words? Op no your son shouldn't be called any of these names and no should any other child ever.

appealtakingovermylife · 02/07/2014 22:40

My ds has aspergers too, is 11, clumsy etc and also very big for his age.
He previously showed little interest in football and played with the girls/2 other boys not interested either but last spring decided to give it a go.
He's not very good compared to his classmates but he's a real trier and also now goes to football practices after school to improve.

How old is your ds?
When my ds was in year 5 last year his teacher approached me and asked what I thought about his classmates being told about his condition.
Her reasoning was that they often remarked on his strange habits/noises and his major anxiety over little things. They were oblivious that he had a diagnosis of asc.

So it went ahead and the children were amazing, very accepting and interested in learning more.
There have since been no name calling/teasing incidents and my son feels very accepted and comfortable.

Kids can be cruel but also very accepting if they are made aware. maybe speak to his school. If he is taken out of team sports, would that bother him?
The words you mentioned are very unacceptable:(

thornrose · 02/07/2014 22:42

*retard is definatly commen insult and usually amongst friends at my dcs high school.

It's all in the context it's used*

I strongly disagree, it's not about context, all children, regardless of their age need to be pulled up on this. Yes, they do use it but it should not be accepted as 'banter' and become 'acceptable'.

pointythings · 02/07/2014 22:44

To add never heard downie but retard is definatly commen insult and usually amongst friends at my dcs high school.

Really? If my DD1 said that about anyone in my hearing she would be in major trouble.

RockandRollsuicide · 02/07/2014 22:45

Is this just banter that he has to put up with or is it as shocking as it sounds to me?

Its not banter its vile and needs to stamped out.

You need to kick up one almighty stink about this.

A collegue at work once kept using this sort of language in a derogatory way, I put up with it, challenged it then said look, my DB had it so shut up. He argued back saying is cousin had it and it was fine. I called my agency and they utterly and totally bollocked him, they also told our manager in the place they also totally bollocked him. It was taken extremely seriously.

audit

Ridiculous remark!

FiveFingerDeathPunch · 02/07/2014 22:46

mn is odd this is the 2nd thread today like this
i smell a rat

PolterGoose · 02/07/2014 22:48

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