To not always want to look after this kid

[Claybury]

I'm a SAHM and my DS (9) has a friend whose mum frequently asks me to have her son, after school , on a Sunday, while she is at work or entertaining clients. I may add they are a dual income family with more than plenty of cash, it's their decision to maintain two Hugh flying careers without formal child care. Additionally the child is quite lively and fairly hard work, unlike my DS who i find very easy to look after. I am constantly making excuses why we can't have him, but I feel she shouldn't ask.
I do have other friends who I help out more, who are more likely to reciprocate, or whose working situations I have more sympathy for.

Well stop making excuses and just tell her that you can't have her DS anymore and she will have to find a childminder or such.

In the MN wording - No is a complete sentence :)

Can you not just say 'no?' . She is effectively using you as her source of free childcare. YANBU.

Perhaps next time say something like "no that won't work for me, I like to keep Sunday's for family time". Perhaps you could let her know that weekend childcare does not work for you and your family. Although it is lousy being asked, you can just keep saying no until she eventually world out better arrangements for herself.

Just be honest "sorry I don't want to - I find it too stressful to have him"

That's the thing, I nearly always say no, often with a valid excuse as we are also a busy family. A normal person would stop asking but her social boundaries appear a bit odd as she just keeps asking ! I have never looked after him when it doesn't suit me, I just think she shouldn't ask.

Next time she asks say no and in the same breath ask her to take your child the day after and watch her squirm. Or just say no full stop if you feel she is taking advantage, she totally is btw.

You don't seem to like her or her son and you've said no on many occasions but she still asks. In this situation I would say quite bluntyly "look, you need to stop asking me to do this because I don't want to do it and your requests make me feel awkward". Doesn't seem like it'd be much of a loss to either of you if she took the hump.

I think you should just say "No...it's probably best if you stop asking." and then smile and wait for her to speak.

MrsWinnibago
I think you should just say "No...it's probably best if you stop asking." and then smile and wait for her to speak.

Yes, that would be more tactful than my suggestion!

Slightly but not much! It's a full-on thing to say to someone but she's not shy of asking so she's inviting it.

Every time she asks - whether you say yes or no - ask a favour from her.

If she doesn't seem capable of picking up a hint, then stop hinting. Just tell her outright that it's not convenient and you'd rather she stopped asking. If she takes the huff, she's a deliberate sponger, not just someone who doesn't understand social conventions.

May I hijack slightly? I want to know if it's ok to ask the Mum of a playmate of my DDs (same class and have had playdates) if she would mind giving my DD a lift to a party after school one day next week?

Both girls will be invited...I can't get DD there...this Mum lives in the same area as me so wouldn't have to go a lot out of the way to drop my DD off...is this rude or pushy?

Yep - tackle this.

"X, I dont mean to be funny but what used to be my son having a friend round for tea now feels like im being used for childcare. I cannot provide childcare for you:

"No, sorry....have you and your DH never considered an au pair?"

Makes it clear this is a childcare issue that they should be sorting out.

MrsW - I think that's fine. I'm sure you could return the favour another time !
We parents are always happy to help each other out, but in this case what bugs me is she keeps asking even when I always say 'no' and although our sons are friends I actually don't want her to reciprocate because I don't want my son spending that much time with this family. They are Ok but I am trying to distance myself a bit.
The boys are friends and I am a wimp when it comes to actual confrontation with someone I see regularly - you would think saying no a few times would make her stop asking !!

She ought to be able to stop? Like most grabbers she simply won't, in the face of other people's embarrassment and shock. That's how the greedy work - trading on everyone else's manners to pull a fast one.

Under the circs I'd probably be more upfront, but I don't envy you the task.

They got rid of the nanny last year after 15 years, the youngest is now 9 so I guess they thought they could cope.

Keep saying no from now on and hopefully she will get the message!

Mrswinnibago, I would ask and give them a small thank you such as chocolates, bottle of wine etc so they know it is appreciated.

YABU. Unless she is actually being rude she is simply asking questions and you are answering. What on earth is wrong with that?

Could you say that you are charging for childcare?

Tell her outright to stop asking you, and that you will not be providing childcare for her

Why would she say that mrsgrumble when she doesn't want to do it? She might ask how much!

MrsWinnebago That wouldn't be rude or pushy at all, there is often a lot of 'give and take' about dropping off or collecting children for parties or classes or whatever. Nobody would mind being asked, now and then.

The only reason this is unreasonable is that it's happening so often.