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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being precious about childproofing

73 replies

LondonBetti · 02/07/2014 06:30

My elderly parents have no concept of child proofing which would be ok if they weren't incredibly careless / unaware of danger. Bleach, cleaning stuff is stored in cupboards at child level but also in used soda bottles thrown around. Nails, knives etc are in open pots, all the blind cords are looped. Worst of all, my DS has picked pills off the floor a couple of times.

Visiting with two young DC is a complete head-wreck but our only option to see my parents as they live far away and are not well enough to travel to us. I bring child locks but for some things can do nothing e.g. asked DM to cut the blind cords who said that she wouldn't come into my house changing things so we shouldn't expect them to change. They genuinely doesn't see the danger and can be really defensive - basically they thinks I'm a super precious pita.

How bad would it be to put my worries first and not to visit anymore? My parents will be gutted as they adore the DC and won't see them otherwise. Also likely fallout with my (childless) DBs and extended family. I just can't see any other way around this ...

OP posts:
Luggagecarousel · 02/07/2014 06:32

Constant supervision while you visit.

Keep your visits regular and short if you find it a strain.

No different to visiting anyone really, because you can't guarantee there are no pills on the floor anywhere else except your own home, which you can take responsibility for.

CrohnicallyExhausted · 02/07/2014 06:33

How old are your children?

Could you visit for a weekend and stay in a hotel- then helicopter like mad while you're actually at your parents' house?

Is it an option to see them at extended family's houses instead of theirs?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/07/2014 06:34

You're not being precious. Without a shadow of a doubt.
Do a tidy up as you arrive. This might be to " stop dcs breaking your nice things" and lift and secure the blind cords out of reach.
I guess you just need to vigilant while you're there.

PetShopGirl · 02/07/2014 06:35

YABU - for all the potential fallout and hurt it would cause your parents, is it not worth just temporarily tying the cords up while you are there and generally keeping the children under close supervision? I agree that I might not want to leave them there without me, but from your OP it doesn't sound like that's an issue anyway due to their age?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/07/2014 06:35

Sorry, be vigilant.
Yy chonicallyexhausted helicopter approach.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/07/2014 06:38

A temporary safety gate might be useful.
I no longer stay with my DM overnight because she has a clinical
Need to piss all over my attemps to keep the dcs safe/ occupied/ content.

springbabydays · 02/07/2014 06:43

Hi Betti completely understand your concerns. I agree with luggage you can't guarantee safety in anyone's home so just make sure you're always watching the dc (could you make sure you have someone else with you so you have an extra pair of eyes to help?)

Re blind cords, cutting them is not actually recommended as a safety measure, but using cleats to keep them out of reach might be something your dm is prepared to do? www.rospa.com/about/currentcampaigns/blindcords/

Your dc won't be toddlers forever so not worth a family fallout in my opinion.

nooka · 02/07/2014 06:59

My ILs place wasn't dangerous, but incredibly child unfriendly (lots of attractive, breakable, toddler height precious things everywhere) and just hugely stressful to visit with children. So we didn't visit very often, and when we did we arranged to meet up at more toddler friendly places, and then just had a quick tea at their house before we went home, so just a hour or so of hovering required. Ironically the only breakages that happened were by dh...

ikeaismylocal · 02/07/2014 07:02

You just need to constantly be in the same room as your children. We have looped blind cords and an 18 month old, I don't see a problem with them if I'm in the room with him which I am at all times because he's only a toddler.

How old are your children?

fourforksache · 02/07/2014 07:03

yanbu. would arranging to meet them somewhere near their house work instead? it might get the point across that you're not happy taking the kidd to their home.

CheeryName · 02/07/2014 07:05

Meet up somewhere else - local farm or something?

Hakluyt · 02/07/2014 07:06

"I don't see a problem with them if I'm in the room with him which I am at all times because he's only a toddler"

Really? Do you never go to the loo, pop to the kitchen to make a cup of tea or answer the door?

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 02/07/2014 07:09

Teach your dc to never eat or drink anything that hasn't been given to them by an adult in the house and especially not to drink anything straight from the bottle. If they are very young likely to ignore youthen I'd just keep enforcing the message and keep a very close eye on them. That was always the rule we had when at other people's houses because you just don't know what's in the bottle.

Why does anybody ever need to decant bleach into another bottle anyway? I've never understood that. Just why?

merrymouse · 02/07/2014 07:11

Visit less often and stay in a hotel until your children are older?

adsy · 02/07/2014 07:15

Ikea please do something about the blonds. You might be with your child all the time at the moment but at some point they will be wandering about the house by themselves for short periods.
Children of 4 and 5 have been killed by blinds. It's really not worth the risk.

CMOTDibbler · 02/07/2014 07:16

My parents house is downright dangerous for children, and it meant that dh and I just never left ds alone, even for a second (and that means dh or I were physically there with him all the time as neither of my parents could supervise) when he was smaller and its only now he's 8 and has had an awful lot of nagging talks about safety we let him out of sight there.

If my parents had been of better health, we'd have arranged to go out to places with them, but even so, we'll take them out for lunch at a child friendly pub so ds can run around madly and it uses up a lot of time out of their house

Mnippy · 02/07/2014 07:18

We don't have this problem but we do have the good old smoky in law house problem. We try to always meet the in laws for days out e.g. National Trust properties or little tourist towns etc. usually away from their house. And we book lunch reservation for all of us and arrive at the house an hour before so we HAVE to leave by a certain time.

ShadowFall · 02/07/2014 08:47

Are your parents well enough for meeting somewhere local to their home (say a park or local attraction) to work?

Otherwise sounds like your only option is constant helicopter parenting while in their house. Also staying in a hotel near them rather than their actual house.

HarderToKidnap · 02/07/2014 09:04

Ikea, please cut your blind cords. Aren't you having a baby soon? Possibly you won't be able to be in the same room as toddler at all times then. And for the sake of looped blind cords, which are not aesthetically or functionally essential, it's not worth not cutting them.

Hakluyt · 02/07/2014 09:09

"only now he's 8 and has had an awful lot of nagging talks about safety we let him out of sight there."

My mind is boggling at what there is in a house that would be a danger to an 8 year old......Shock

TeacupDrama · 02/07/2014 09:14

your parents probably belong to generation when children were expected just not to touch other peoples stuff, when visiting looping blind cords out of reach should be sufficient

we live in period house with sash and cash windows we looped cords up they obviously can not be cut as that is what opens and closes window, sash cords are also much chunkier than blind cords, I did not keep bleach etc in floor level cupboards but apart from stairgate did not child proof anything, DD is now 5 we have had no accidents relating to that and no broken antiques etc,

I do not think people should expect other peoples houses to be child proofed when visiting

CMOTDibbler · 02/07/2014 09:16

Hakluyt - well, theres used insulin needles all over the place, insulin pens, controlled drugs, morphine patches (that look like a plaster), seriously out of date food and drink and so on. There is nowhere in the house that would be considered suitable for a child imo.

NigellasDealer · 02/07/2014 09:17

no you are not being precious - meet elsewhere -
never forget staying with my ex and his family who all literally thought I was mental when I checked the flat for open windows and chip pans with handle sticking out. apparently a 'better' mother would have controlled her children better!!
fuck em.

Shesparkles · 02/07/2014 09:20

I never expected anyone else to "baby proof" their house when my 2 were small, constant supervision and a very early understanding of the meaning of the word "no" worked for us.

It was a conscious thing on my part to not expect grandparents to have stair gates etc, because I figured that if things were hidden away, or barricaded off, they'd become all the more attractive to them

Birdsgottafly · 02/07/2014 09:33

There's a world of differirence between not having stair gates and medication lying around.

Anyone who would put their GC (or any child) at risk when they could simply tidy up, doesn't derserve a visit.

My DD is due in November, I'm already re-planning my house, Aldi is having a baby event this Thursday and are going to stock safety equipment, including gates.

I don't want to spend my GC visits saying "No", or being stressed, it's hardly a positive experience, for anyone.

The majority of children's injuries or deaths happen in a home or garden ( of the child or friends/family), these aren't rare events.