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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we are going to be embarrassed but to refuse to give in

82 replies

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:15

Change some details to protect the innocent but basically big family party this weekend to celebrate in laws anniversary. We offered to go halves with them mainly as a present but also cos we knew they couldn't afford the whole cost themselves. Since then we've had a financial setback but we ere determined not to tell them and we have managed to be able to afford it..just.
A couple of days ago though his parents announced they have changed some of the arrangements.Normally I'd say their party, fine...but one of the changes is that they will only be serving 5 bottles of wine at dinner..for a party of 35 people!! Now we hadn't planned a free bar but we did want to give everyone a glass of wine with the meal. I also appreciate it will hardly be a riotous drinking affair ( both quite elderly now) but nevertheless I think this is stingy.
Husbands view is tough .. Their decision let them sort it out. I'm inclined to agree but I know I will feel mortified..plus we will end up getting extra and do we pay for that on top of our drinks on the day or do we say " you made the decision so you pay for the shortfall"..
All views appreciated ..but I can't believe that 5 bottles is going to be enough!

OP posts:
Earlybird · 01/07/2014 18:20

35 adults?

And why 5 bottles? Seems a random number....or is that what they can afford?

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:22

Yes 35 adults..and it was going to be ten so they have just halved it

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 01/07/2014 18:22

What is your money being spent on now then?

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:23

The third course..we were only offering two

OP posts:
KatyN · 01/07/2014 18:24

That could just about stretch to one glass each maybe? 6 glasses a bottle (small) and assume some non drinkers/drivers.

You might just make it.

Earlybird · 01/07/2014 18:25

Again, is that because they can't afford more?

Can any of you really afford this party? Maybe it needs to become a potluck, and bring your own bottle.

The guests must be friends who care about your inlays, and the point is to celebrate their anniversary. I'm sure no one would want them under undue financial strain.

Can you persuade them to scale back the party? Much better to do that in advance than to tell guests they're only allowed half a glass each...imo

Earlybird · 01/07/2014 18:25

inlaws

LisaMed · 01/07/2014 18:27

In the old fashioned cook books from the thirties the estimate was seven glasses of wine to the bottle - or six and a half, really. These days the glasses are bigger and people expect more than one drink.

I wouldn't pay for the extra, but you may like to raise the mathematics - small glasses are one hundred and twenty five ml, seven hundred ml in a bottle, they are going to be short of a couple of glasses and they are going to look a bit scrooge.

Good luck and hope you have a good time.

Whatisaweekend · 01/07/2014 18:28

Well some people reckon it's 6 glasses of wine per bottle not it this house so 5x6 is 35 ergo a glass per person. But yes I agree with you - stingy in the extreme. Don't know what you can do about it though. How come they have changed it but yet kept your contribution the same?

deakymom · 01/07/2014 18:28

use sparkling wine it goes further? cant you just get away with some lambrini? or spritzers?

Yama · 01/07/2014 18:28

I wouldn't worry about it. If you are serving guests 3 courses then they won't grudge buying their own drinks. I know I wouldn't. Perhaps they know that a good many of their guests (their friends after all) don't drink.

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:28

No, it's all sorted in a country hotel so we can't pull out now.We are not scrimping it's just that we don't have the money to waste if you see what I mean. It's important to them and we have been planning for a long time.they are a bit Keeping Up with the Joneses types...I was happy to do it but I think this attitude is a bit ungrateful when up to now we had planned it all together including budget

OP posts:
Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:31

That's the other thing ..it has to be red cos red is " what you have with dinner" No thought for those who might prefer white.I almost think no drinks at all would be better than a thimbleful each..and they have to pour it out to everyone anyway.. we can't ask people to stick their hands up if they don't want any so the rest of us can have more! I'm embarrassed already!

OP posts:
MaryBennett · 01/07/2014 18:34

Don't envy the guests a thimbleful! Best just let guests order their own? I agree OP, it's a tad embarrassing.

Suttonmum1 · 01/07/2014 18:36

So if the wine won't go round have you budgeted for mineral water? What happens if someone wants orange juice etc. you need some spare in the budget.

I agree that you should have the option of making one of those bottles white if needed.

Suttonmum1 · 01/07/2014 18:37

You need to make sure all the glasses on the table are very small ones, and don't let the waiter pour!

lola88 · 01/07/2014 18:38

Did you tell them it won't stretch? I would bring money for 2 more bottles and when there's not enough wine buy the others and enjoy telling them you bloody well told them :)

ViviPru · 01/07/2014 18:38

I'd be embarrassed if it were my party and my close friends, but it's theirs, they're the only ones who people might be a bit Hmm at and deservedly so, I agree, none at all is better than a thimble of red if you prefer white. I can't imagine feeling embarrassed on their behalf were it my ILs.

I do think it's off that you contributed a sum on the understanding that you were involved in the planning and by extension, how that budget is allocated, and yet they have taken it upon themselves to re-jig things in a way you wouldn't have agreed to.

WookieCookiee · 01/07/2014 18:39

5x6 is 30! so 5 short, but not everyone will drink, so you might scrape by but IMO if you are offering wine with dinner you should have enough for everyone, and have a choice of red or white.

VeryStressedMum · 01/07/2014 18:40

Why don't you just ask them why they've decided on 5 bottles?

LynetteScavo · 01/07/2014 18:41

Just pay for more wine.

What is being served?

Would white/rose be appropriate?

BackforGood · 01/07/2014 18:41

I was actually thinking - do they need to provide any drink at all?

Seems they might be better letting people get their own drinks, than have people have to sit with slightly less than a glass of a drink they wouldn't choose themselves.

Nowt wrong with treating people to a meal but letting them get their own drinks - I'd prefer that (if I were a guest) to thinking the hosts were stretching themselves or to the fact that I don't really like red wine, and, if I'm not driving, I'd like more than 3/4 of a glass with my meal.

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:42

I think I'm going to have to suggest to my DH that we try to persuade them against this..it's just too stressful..but he's gone into "Sod it! I can't do right for doing wrong! " etc which I do understand. I do appreciate those of you who are kindly suggesting people will be fine etc. but I know exactly what will happen..the minute we run out his Mum will be in a huge fluster expecting DH to sort it out... He can't win,poor bloke

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 01/07/2014 18:44

Can you offer to pick up the tab for wine drunk with the meal, but not other drinks?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/07/2014 18:44

TBH it would look better to just not bother with drinks and let everyone sort their own.

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