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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think we are going to be embarrassed but to refuse to give in

82 replies

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:15

Change some details to protect the innocent but basically big family party this weekend to celebrate in laws anniversary. We offered to go halves with them mainly as a present but also cos we knew they couldn't afford the whole cost themselves. Since then we've had a financial setback but we ere determined not to tell them and we have managed to be able to afford it..just.
A couple of days ago though his parents announced they have changed some of the arrangements.Normally I'd say their party, fine...but one of the changes is that they will only be serving 5 bottles of wine at dinner..for a party of 35 people!! Now we hadn't planned a free bar but we did want to give everyone a glass of wine with the meal. I also appreciate it will hardly be a riotous drinking affair ( both quite elderly now) but nevertheless I think this is stingy.
Husbands view is tough .. Their decision let them sort it out. I'm inclined to agree but I know I will feel mortified..plus we will end up getting extra and do we pay for that on top of our drinks on the day or do we say " you made the decision so you pay for the shortfall"..
All views appreciated ..but I can't believe that 5 bottles is going to be enough!

OP posts:

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:46

They've decided on 5 bottles cos that's what was left in the budget and the catering manger told them it would be plenty ( well he would wouldn't he cos he knows people are going to buy the shortfall on the day).i really don't want to pay for more wine upfront now because I think they have been unfair putting us in this situation. And it's not just their friends...it's our family there too grown uo children and their partners etc. so I will feel embarrassed anyway..god! I hate this when you try to do the right and nice thing and it causes even more angst !

OP posts:

BackforGood · 01/07/2014 18:49

Well, just have a quiet word beforehand with your grown up children and explain that Nan and Grandad have lost touch a bit with what people drink, so there will be 1 bottle of red on each table, but it would help greatly if they wouldn't mind getting a bottle of white for their table before they sit down, without any fuss or bother, and if their grandparents say anything they can just say they aren't keen on red so just got some white in - it's no problem ?

SilentBob · 01/07/2014 18:50

My suggestion- welcome drinks.

Seriously, unless someone actually uses a 125ml measure for each and every glass poured at the table, those bottles are going to run out before you've got round everyone.

Drinks table at the entrance, family member hands out pre-poured wine to every guest. If some refuse, make sure you're the handee and quaff the rest.

BreadForBrains · 01/07/2014 18:51

WhatIsAWeekend check your maths!

OP, I think you at least need to double if not treble the amount of wine. But that's cos our families like a drink!
Could you afford it? Even if you just did Sainsburys/tescos, you can quite often get a discount on 6 or more bottles.

SilentBob · 01/07/2014 18:54

If it's at a country house hotel, you will probably be charged corkage for providing your own.

BreadForBrains · 01/07/2014 18:55

Sorry, just read back that it's to be held in a hotel. In that case, can you provide a bottle for each table then after that everyone gets their own?
Although it sounds as though you could afford it, and if that's the case I'd just buy 5 bottles of white (and something sparkling? Is there anything to toast with?) and be done with it.

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 18:57

We can't take our own wine! I like the idea of our close family " dipping out" and buying our own drinks..thereby freeing up drinks for everyone else ( even though that's what we'd already paid for) Nb the original plan was to have either a welcome sparkly drink on arrival for all or the same but served with the meal.That way everybody gets a traditional celebratory drink but beyond that they look after themselves..but this way is just weird!!

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 01/07/2014 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyAgainOneDay · 01/07/2014 19:19

See if the hotel has glasses for shots. Ask for them to be used for the wine. You'll get several glasses each with those.

ViviPru · 01/07/2014 19:49

Oh fizz for the toasts would have been so much more appropriate, even those who don't like it tend to take a glass for traditions' sake. And you'd get more glasses out of a bottle....

OP there are so many possible approaches which would work better but I fear you don't really have the option to change this, do you....

KnackeredMuchly · 01/07/2014 20:07

Cancel the wine.

Bluetroublethree · 01/07/2014 20:16

5 bottles for 35 people is terrible. A large pub measure is. 250ml, never mind what people's home measures are like. So on that basis you need easily a dozen bottles.

Bin the wine idea, and serve fizz/Buck's Fizz as a welcome drink.

Don't front it out - everyone will be sober enough to judge you all as tight arses.

todayisnottheday · 01/07/2014 20:21

Ask the hotel to measure and pour the wine then bring the glasses out on trays, strictly one per person. Tell them you will, only if absolutely needed, buy one more bottle so there is a glass for everyone but no more. Don't worry about the white, it's not that odd and people can buy their own if need be.

LizzieMint · 01/07/2014 20:25

Also, based on a few weddings we've been to, including our own I'd say white is more popular than red. We had double the number of white bottles to red ones and still had some red left over.
Although maybe in these circumstances that'll work out well as half the guests won't want red and will buy their own!

OatcakeCravings · 01/07/2014 20:25

You can get a maximum of 3 glasses from a bottle. This is a fact known to all. If it was me I'd buy another 6 or 7 bottles of white for the tables and never help with a family party again!

LizzieMint · 01/07/2014 20:26

Buck's Fizz is a good idea to stretch out fizz, could you persuade them to that?

rookiemater · 01/07/2014 20:33

Ridiculous to just provide red wine. I don't drink red and would find it extremely tight that I was expected to have a thimbleful of wine I don't like because hosts are too tight to buy both colours.

Is it worth ringing up the hotel and seeing if they offer corkage. Even if it's quite a lot like 5-6 per bottle, you could get 6 bottles of decent white wine for 36 so it wouldn't be ridiculously expensive and far cheaper than the alternative which is being put on the spot and having to order more on the day, or even worse having to pay for what the tables have decided to order.

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 20:36

Just spoken to DH..he is refusing to budge saying its a problem of their own making so they can sort it out...maybe I can fake a migraine??!!

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 01/07/2014 20:46

I would tell them not to offer any wine and just use the money to put bottles of water on the table. People can then buy their own wine.

My DP's had a Golden wedding celebration and only gave one drink each person for a toast. It was fine, although it was a buffet and not a sit down dinner.

HarderToKidnap · 01/07/2014 20:47

I couldn't have this. Not providing enough for people brings me out in a cold sweat though. I would, on The basis that they are elderly, it's an important party for them and you are kind people, ring up the manager and add some white wine (10 bottles prob, although I guess you could do five) and then if they query on the day I'd get the manager to come over and say it's on the house. Brief him when you call to order the wine. I'd do this and consider it a good deed and get my satisfaction from that.

Whyjustwhyagain · 01/07/2014 20:54

How about going back to the original 2 course meal, then using the spare to buy some extra wine and soft drinks?

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 01/07/2014 21:19

No, they want a three course meal because " that's the done thing"..though why they couldn't say this four months ago is beyond me.I am just going to have to go with it..cringe inwardly ..and take a hip flask! Thanks for all your suggestions though...shows I'm not wrong to think its Not A Good Idea!

OP posts:

NoodleOodle · 01/07/2014 21:45

You're right, what they're doing is not a good idea but, what can you do eh?

starfishmummy · 01/07/2014 22:39

And what about people who don't want wine? Are they going thirsty?

I think I might catch something incredibly infectious and not go!!

Inertia · 01/07/2014 23:32

I think you could maybe just have a quiet word with your children and their partners,making sure that you all have cash on you to organise your own drinks and leave the in-laws to organise the wine between the other guests.

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