To slip my colleague some money secretly

[PollyCazaletWannabe]

A woman I work with has confided in me that she has split up with her husband, he has left and she is packing in preparation for moving out (it's his house- she is not on deeds. I know) Anyway, the issue is that she is currently training and not receiving a salary- her husband was supporting her until she starts being paid, which isn't until September, but of course this won't continue and she is really worried about having no money at all coming in until then. She can't get a job until at least the last week of July and in any case, it would be difficult to find a temporary job.

I don't have much spare myself but would really like to lend/give her some money to tide her over. I know that she eould never accept it if I offered though. WIBU to pop some money in an envelope and put it anonymously in her desk drawer? Or is this a terrible idea? I just can't imagine what she's going through and this is the only way I can think of to help.

I think its very very very kind of you. :) you need to decide whether it would be a loan or a gift first I think xxx

Don't lend - pressure is huge then.

Good for you OP.

I guess if it was anonymous it would be a gift- I'm fine with that.

If she's confided in you, she'll know who her donor is?

Hmm, difficult. If she's go to move out could she come and stay with you for a bit, that might solve some problems and may be easier for her to accept?

If she's married, I would think it doesn't matter who's name is on the deeds.... Isn't she entitled to half the house? Can someone more knowledgeable correct me if I'm wrong? Just thinks,Miami am right,MIT would be good to mention this to her.

And I think you are really lovely to think of going her some help.

Polly, just when MN has me tearing my hair out at the amount of fuckwittery in the world, along comes someone like you who restores my faith in the general goodness of people.

What a lovely thought. Bless you xx

Ffs autocorrect. That was supposed to read, Just thinking, if I am right, it would be good to mention this to her.

Where did come from?!

What a lovely thing to do! :)

That's a good point about the house. Also would leaving means she's giving up her rights? Maybe she should get some legal advice before moving out.

Could you pay for an appointment with a solicitor for her? That might make an awful lot of difference to her financial future.

Good points here, thanks :) she has actually told 3 people at work, so may not know it was me. Will talk to her about the legal stuff as well- that's a thought. I think she is in the first couple of days, shocked and numb stage at the moment :( so may not have thought of all the practicalities.

Bumping for more advice please

I really think you should encourage her to get legal advice before she moves out and perhaps you could help her by finding a solicitor and setting up an appointment (and paying for that if need be). It'll probably be the best gift you can give her, in the long-term.

If you are leaving it somewhere in your place of work, ie desk drawer, make sure it is clear that it is for her and it is not work related.

I will look into the solicitor thing, thanks.
To a previous poster: sadly she can't stay with me as she has a dog and I have two nervous cats! Also not allowed dogs in our house.

Whether she has children or not might determine what she gets in relation to the house. Has she any?

No children, no.

She might be able to get someone to have the dog whilst she stays with you? I second paying for a solicitors advice.

Bless, that's a lovely idea. When you are really stuck the kindness of other people can mean so much. I to would advise getting legal advice, I think that who gets what house wise is often down to who paid what in e.g even if you friend isn't on the deeds if she was paying part of the mortgage or paying other bills she may be able to demonstrate a claim. Also worth going to see the housing folk at the local council, they can tell her about her rights and options whilst she is trying to sort out where to be and what to do. Depending on what kind of sector you work in- is there any trade association or welfare fund that might help her out? Lots of sectors have one?

think this through carefully, it can backfire! I offered a colleague £100 gift as she tearfully confided that she was struggling - (massive mortgage and husband out of work, she had had a recent loss of earnings and was panicking about getting through the month.. agreed with her that it was strictly between us, ) she took it readily, said thankyou, and was thereafter quite horrible to me, even refusing to speak or even look at me on a couple of occasions when I was visiting her workplace.

Has she said what she's mist in need of? If its money for food maybe you could tether some supermarket vouchers, or if its travel then a travel pass

What if she hands the money into someone?

Thanks for all your helpful advice everyone :) goeuffaw poor you! What strange behaviour on your colleague's part. Could she be embarrassed? Even so, that seems a really inappropriate response! This is why I wanted to give the money anonymously. I was considering the food shopping idea but again, not sure she'd accept unless it was anonymous.

I was thinking of putting a typed message on the envelope with her name so she knows it's for her.