To not have a second ivf cycle?

[Dontmakemecometovegas]

Dh thinks we should - he thinks it's an odds game and if you roll the dice enough times it will happen.

But we were told afte our first cycle that not only do dh's sperm have two heads my eggs are also hard boiled (at only 31) so our chances are low.
I was very ill from the first cycle and am still suffering now.

And deep deep down my heart knows it isn't destined to be.
We don't want to adopt btw before anyone suggests that, not at the moment anyway. It's all a bit too raw.

Aibu? I just can't face it. It's so hard, I really want a baby but I don't want to have ivf again with a likely failure again at the end of it.

I think you have to do what feels right for you.

IVF is tough both physically and emotionally and if you don't feel up to it yet (or ever) then I think it is something that your DH will have to respect.

I can understand him wanting to try, especially as you both want to have a baby but I think he should leave the final decision to you.

I hope things work out for you whatever you decide.

I know that you go through IVF as a couple, but it is you taking all the drugs and I think it can be difficult for the man to understand how ill they can make you feel. I can understand why you are reluctant to go through it again.

Is there any chance you can wait for a few months and see how you feel then or would that have too much of an impact on your chances? You might feel more able to face it again if you give yourself a bit of time to recover from the first cycle.

I'm so sorry you are going through this - it's awful and clearly still so raw.

Only you can decide if you want to do it again - maybe give yourself some time. We had two IVF cycles in 2006 that ended in m/c and it took us another year to pluck up the courage to go again. From that cycle we conceived our beautiful son who is now 6.

Can you access some counselling through your clinic?

If the odds are low, then I totally see your POV. It's your decision, and you have to draw the line somewhere.

I think your husband is right in that it is a numbers game - you only need one decent egg and one decent sperm to meet. However it takes an enormous emotional and physical toll, and much of that falls on the woman.

After our third failed cycle (in which I had a bleed during EC and it really took it out of me), all three between January and August last year, I felt I needed a break. We planned to take at least 6 months off but just before Xmas (around 3 months later) I surprised myself by feeling ready to go again, and we squeezed in cycle 4 before Xmas. It worked, and I am now 31 weeks pg. We had set ourselves a limit of 5 cycles though. I needed to know that there was an end in sight. I found IVF hellish. I think a limit is sensible, but it does need to be a limit you agree between you.

Was your cycle recent?

You need to give yourself some time to heal. I had a failed cycle in March/April and it's only been the last month that I was feeling on an even keel emotionally to consider another go.

It is a numbers game and I can see that. We are prepared for another 4 goes if necessary. I won't build my hopes up like the first time.

Best of luck whatever you decide. I've changed clinics this time to a much better one and it makes me a bit more hopeful.

ps - Penny puts you on a very mild cycle, we're actually doing a back to back cycle this time - it's really fine but I understand that this would differ woman to woman.

*very mild MEDICATED cycle...i meant.

I also did natural/mild cycles. These take less of a physical toll (although they are still tough). These can work well with older ovaries which would need large amounts of drugs to produce the sorts of egg numbers many clinics want, probably compromising quality in the process.

OP, when you say your eggs are hard boiled what exactly do you mean? Don't worry two much about your DH's sperm having bad morphology. My DH had very low morphology and motility but we did ICSI with our IVF cycle and so they could isolate the good sperm and only use those.

Am just asking re the eggs so I can see what the situation is and maybe offer some advice.
I also was sick after IVF and got OHSS which was extremely painful. So you have my full & heartfelt sympathy

I had a short protocol cycle in march. I reacted badly by which I mean I was so stressed and anxious and it manifested itself as panic attacks and a stress related skin condition which I cannot get rid of. I'm concerned that another cycle will mean the same thing again as although still suffering the symptoms are now finally starting to abate a little.

Euro I'm glad you had success in the end. It's the unknown I think. If I knew I had to have four goes but would at some point definitely be successful Id do it. It's going through it all knowing the odds are so greatly against us. We knew we had male factor infertility but my crap egg quality was a shock as I had 22 antral follicles and ovulate every 28 days exactly and although not exactly young am not old yet either.

Eurochick - you don't 'know' me but I've seen you around the boards. Congratulations on your pg

The shells of the eggs were super hard. They had to do assisted hatching.

The embryos did not fragment and all fertilised but were slow. By day three two of our 8 were at six cells, the rest were only at 4. They hasn't arrested but were slow. We had icsi but they said the sperm weren't great looking, even the best ones.

What are the clinic advising? Do they think it's worth another go?
I totally understand on the anxiety and panic attacks. I had CBT in the run up to and during my cycle and it helped a lot.

They say it's worth another go - but they would at £7k a go. Where did you go for CBT?

I saw a therapist in marylebone. She is excellent and I can PM you her details if you like? It's another expense at around £120 a session but it helped me a lot. I think all the clinics also have on-site counselling that you could try.

I believe if your clinic is at all ethically sound they would not advise you to have another cycle if there is no chance of success. Yes they get £££ but it's not good for their reputation or their statistics.

I don't have a lot of faith in my clinic. They don't seem to know what they're doing.

But the next nearest is another hour away (so two hours - four hour round trip) and I just can't do it.

Im just gearing up for a second round in Prague, excellent clinic, brilliant pregnancy rates and only came to 4 thoussnd including flights accommodation and spending money. We got a chemical this time which considering I'm nearly 40 and have v low ovarian reserve, I think is a blimmin miracle. If this doesn't work, we're going to use donor eggs. Have you considered donor? Or using a clinic abroad. My clinic had a sister clinic on London for all the scans, medication, cconsultations etc so we found it really convenient. Pm me you want the details

Would you not try abroad, OP?

I could have written your post 18 months or so ago. Due to severe endo & scarring I was given a low chance of IVF working & my DH had some issues (wouldn't have been a problem if we could conceive naturally). We'd had one unsuccessful round and started several times only to stop when I developed cysts. Like yours, my DH wanted to keep trying. We went for counselling and I found that for me, wanting to stop was a way of taking back control and dealing with the pain. I couldn't control whether the IVF worked and I was just fed-up of living in limbo, not quite able to deal with the fact we couldn't have kids - because we might be able to. And I wasn't sure I could deal with it not working again.

Having figured out why I felt that way, I knew I would regret it if I didn't have one more go. But you might decide it is just too big a risk. I think I made the right decision because it worked, but I have no idea how I'd feel if it hadn't.

Dont
Big sympathies for you. It sounds like you've been through the mill emotionally and physically.

My two pen'eth - have a look at the 'Elderberries' thread on the conception pages - lots of IVFers there

And I don't know where you are based, but the Create chain of clinics does natural cycle IVF where they won't stim you at all, or mild cycle where you'll get a very low dose on short protocol. Both are compatible with ICSI, and the lower doses mean the costs are lower. Most importantly, they are hugely kind and compassionate

YANU.

We were told ICSI was our only option due to my husband's low sperm count and low morphology/motility. I just couldn't get my head around it at all, all I had to do was make the call to the clinic for an IVF funded cycle but I didn't think I could cope with it all emotionally. I've seen friends and family go through IVF (some successful, some not) and it is not easy and not for everyone.

As it happens, I fell pregnant with our miracle baby after having pretty much given up hope, but if I hadn't I don't think I would have gone ahead with the treatment.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide. Mother nature is very cruel sometimes.

You are only 31, that seemss very young to give up after only 1 go. Would you consider waiting a year or two while you recover physically and mentally and then give it another go?

I'm not sure. The trouble is that even though I'm only 31 my eggs are crap so guess they will be even more useless in two years time?