To not have a second ivf cycle?

[Dontmakemecometovegas]

Dh thinks we should - he thinks it's an odds game and if you roll the dice enough times it will happen.

But we were told afte our first cycle that not only do dh's sperm have two heads my eggs are also hard boiled (at only 31) so our chances are low.
I was very ill from the first cycle and am still suffering now.

And deep deep down my heart knows it isn't destined to be.
We don't want to adopt btw before anyone suggests that, not at the moment anyway. It's all a bit too raw.

Aibu? I just can't face it. It's so hard, I really want a baby but I don't want to have ivf again with a likely failure again at the end of it.

Op I waited a year between cycles. Give yourself some time and space. You don't have to decide now. I had 4 cycles over 5 years. No way could I have gone from one cycle to the next, some people can but I couldn't. Give yourself a break from thinking about fertility. Be kind to yourselves.

I'm torn between waiting and going for it.

Although I don't feel ready I also feel like it's hanging over me and as though my life is kind of on hold at the moment.

Take time out.

But I do think yab a bit u.

The first go is a bit of a trial to see how things go - give yourself some space and as pp said, you're still v young.

It's a total shitter, op

But if I go for it again I won't die will I? I just need someone to hand me a grip.
I've got in such a state about it all.

You won't die - I had OHSS (mild) when I donated, and I felt like total and utter shit, but never like I might die. More like being in early to mid pregnancy (breathless, weepy, sore, full). Clinic were all over it, liaised with my GP and made sure that they knew what to do if I got worse. We had a slightly different protocol lined up for my next donation round, although it was cancelled in the end. We were going to use menopur again, but start at a lower dose and ramp up more gradually before dropping down again. I had blood tests and scans every two days, and I felt very reassured by that.

Have you considered using donor gametes, sperm or egg? I have a friend who conceived her son with ICSI despite her DH's shocking morphology. It only takes a few good uns. But if they are a total no hoper, sperm donation could be the answer.

I don't know why my recipient needed to use donor eggs, but she had a baby a few months ago from her first round, and I expect she has some frosties too, given they retrieved 23 eggs. Another friend of mine also fell pregnant on her first donor egg cycle and is due at the end of the month.

No you won't die because they will follow you closely and will avoid the situation where you 25 eggs and OHSS.
If they see you have too many eggs/they develop quickly, they will adjust the dose.

I think though this is a difference issue than your is k of faith in the clinic. Doing an IVF when you don't really trust the people going it isn't the best tbh.

No you won't die. But I do think it's worth exploring other routes to parenthood. You (forgive me if I sound harsh) don't seem like your heart is in IVF. And that's ok.

You won't die.

I had 36 eggs removed,got severe OHSS and ended up in hospital after my first go.You're monitored closely and in the very small likelihood that you end up in hospital like me they just put you on albumen drip and warfarin,measure your wee and continuously scan you.

I had a year off having had enough.

A year later my last two frosties were later defrosted and became my twin boys.

We had practically every male/ female fertility problem in the book and I had my twins at 35.

It really can happen.Your first go is a sort of trial,they'll have all your data.You've done the worst bit and they've got more info to go on next time round.

Don't give up yet.

I think you have to kind of reframe it in your mind.

3 weeks' inconvenience vs baby or not.

I am hugely needlephobic. So IVF and all the injections was a nightmare. I had my treatment at ARGC too and there most people are on intramuscular progesterone and clexane as well as the usual stuff and that continues through pregnancy! My WORST nightmare. It's 90mins each way minimum too, so that was 3 weeks out if my life just written off.

But what kept me going was knowing I'd only have to do this a couple of times maximum and the odds were likely to take care of themselves. I saw that as way way more palatable than cycle after cycle at a clinic with poor results. It meant only had to be brave a couple of times! Had 2 cycles, both v successful, was 38 and 39.

I'd say don't be half hearted. Throw everything at it as early as possible, so you can get on with the business of being a mother.

I'm in the midlands, London would not be a visble option.

I might have a look at the other clinic. The one I'm at achieves average results (around a 30% chance each cycle) although with our sperm and egg issues I reckon our chances are significantly less.

Thank you for reassurance that I won't die! I have no issue with the jabs but I don't like being knocked out for egg collection.

Care at Nottingham have v good results too. Have you looked at the HFEA stats website ?

Yes, I think they were the best actually within about 100 mile radius.

I don't trust my clinic because they gave me something intravenously whilst I was knocked out which had a knock on affect on a pre existing condition and they didn't tell me they'd given it to me!

Effect even.

To put it in perspective of "viable" there were woman at my clinic when I was there, from Norway and Sweden, and loads from Egypt. I have friends who had all their treatment in Greece and Spain. But when you're really desperate none of that matters.

From what you've said above, I think I'd take a break (say 1-3 months or something - just agree it with your DH), to allow yourself to recover physically, then have another go, perhaps with a different clinic since you don't trust this one and are only using them because they're the closest. I'd give it at least one more go, if you can afford it, because I think you might regret it in future if you don't. And if cycle number two with other clinic doesn't work out, then you can re-evaluate whether its worth continuing.

That's alarming about how you were tested under sedation. But now you know about it that's one less thing to worry about. X

OP, I've been reading your thread with interest. Do you mind me asking which midlands clinic you are with as I am considering this and am in a similar area to you. If you don't mind me saying, you don't sound particularly happy with them? If you would rather pm me than post that would be great too Sorry you find yourself in this horrible stressful situation.

We were at Care Nottingham(forever grateful), they freeze embryos well and their fet reset is very good(or it was) so you get several bites of the cherry.

I had ec under sedation,couldn't gave gone through it awake.

Their free counselling service was very good.

I think it is one of those things where you need to go to the best clinic for you and your situation, not the nearest, as success rates (and customer care) vary so much. We had to go abroad as our consultant could not offer the treatment we needed in a timely way in the UK due to all the restrictions, but they were brilliant and it worked - so it was worth it. I can appreciate your feeling fed up though - it is stressful.

I am in the same boat. I'm all lined up for go three but I keep putting it off. Like you, if I knew it was going to work it wouldn't be so bad.

Having had (unsuccessful) IVF myself, you have my every sympathy. We did 2 fresh cycles, with a frozen cycle following each one (as we so many embryos to freeze), and I was supposed to prepare for the third fresh one by losing the 5 pounds or so I had gained from the previous cycles. I just couldn't do it, even though it would have been NHS funded, as the other cycles were. I had the first two fresh and two frozen cycles within 1 year, as I just wanted to get on with it, but then a year went by after the 2nd frozen cycle, and I just couldn't face it again. It was almost that I had recovered from the whole trauma, and couldn't possibly face putting myself through it again. To be honest, I feared for my sanity if I had gone on to any further cycles - and I am a pretty strong person.

Based on what I know of IVF, I would try to prepare yourself for a second cycle. They don't tell you when you start the whole process, but the first IVF cycle is really just a guessing game for the clinic, to work out what will work for you in terms of levels of drugs etc. by the second cycle, they will have a much better idea of how you will respond etc.

Don't let yourself be rushed in terms of timing, although I do think that the longer you have to think about it, perhaps it will be more likely you won't want to go ahead with it, as it is just so horrible physically and mentally!

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this - it really is new levels of crapness and difficult for anyone to understand unless they have personally been through it. I think you will know what's right for you - I definitely did.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I don't know which clinic you are using but I have had friends use the Lister and speak highly of it.

I am with your DH on this but you need to be in a better place personally before you even consider another cycle. Putoff making the decision? Have a holiday?

Don't I also had ishoos with being knocked out for EC. When I come round I get a sort of adrenaline rush, become very uncooperative and try to run away. It's stressful for me, my husband and the medical staff. I had hypnotherapy after my second round, which helped a lot (because I had been starting to get stressed in the lead up knowing what coming round was going to be like) but in the end the anathetist who was in charge for my third round had seen me come round before and suggested keeping me awake (something I had been arguing for by the gynae performing the egg collection really didn't want). So I was awake for rounds 3 and 4 and that worked much better for me.

I really think you need to take a break and to use the time to explore another clinic, one in which you can have confidence. Don't be pressured on timing by your husband - you are the one who bears the most of the physical and emotional strain. I agree with others that the first cycle is often about learning how your body will react. I also found it the hardest, because it was all unknown and unfamiliar. By cycle 4 my expectations were lower and I was an old hand at all the injecting and stuff. It was still tough, but a helluva a lot easier than cycle 1.