Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP just walked in after watching football last night.

58 replies

worriedathome · 29/06/2014 19:23

Last night my DP went to watch the football with some friends. So as not to drip feed I was irritated because I had organised my Mum to babysit so I could go out with some friends to celebrate my birthday that was last week but due to her being ill I had no one to look after my son. Anyway he decided that his night couldn't change so went out at 8.

In the morning about 10 I called his Mum to see if he had stayed there. But she said no he must be somewhere drunk and sometimes you have to let men go and stay out.

I spoke to his friends wife this morning at 11 and she was also irritated with friend because they didn't arrive home until 8 and have left them waiting for them that evening in a club. The friend told me he had left the club at 6 with some other people.

I cancelled my Dad coming round for lunch and decided to go out with him and my son instead as I didn't want to be in when he walked in the house. At 3.30 he messaged to say he had just woken up and was about 20 mins down the road. Well he has literally just walked in the house and is angry that I don't want to speak to him. I am so unbelievably angry and don't want to argue in front of my son. He just doesn't give a fuck.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/06/2014 19:28

He's a twat.

He didn't give a thought to you or what you wanted yet blames you for being angry and ignoring him.

Tell you what, tell him he's a twat and send him to his Mother for the night.

Will you??

SmallBee · 29/06/2014 19:33

That is unbelievable awful, so sorry OP. Does he even seem sorry at all? Has he apologised?

CoffeeTea103 · 29/06/2014 19:39

This is not acceptable. Did he not message at least to let you know where he's spending the night? He's a grown man with a child, does he do this often?

phantomnamechanger · 29/06/2014 19:40

It's all about him isn't it? His rights as a man to do as he wants. But no responsibilities, no compromising, no consideration for other people. No wonder if his own mother said things like that - he's probably echoing how it was in his childhood - mum stuck at home while dad goes out to please himself. Just because she was happy to put up with that does not mean you have to!

This will continue unless you make it jolly clear that this is not tolerable in a relationship built on teamwork and respect. Do you want to live like this? Is it a total one off or is he otherwise an inconsiderate entitled selfish pig?

phantomnamechanger · 29/06/2014 19:41

I bet he'd be unimpressed if you went for a girls' night out and did not turn up at home till the following evening, with hardly any contact in between?

grocklebox · 29/06/2014 19:42

what is your aibu question?

MrsWedgeAntilles · 29/06/2014 19:46

Where was he between 6am and now? Has he explained why he didn't come home when he woke up.

I feel for you OP, I had an ex who did this and its horrible.

Bogeyface · 29/06/2014 19:46

Oh here come the thread police, stand by your beds Hmm

TSSDNCOP · 29/06/2014 19:46

I believe it got lost in her righteous fury Grockle but don't let reading the cause of her anger out you off being a pedant.

grocklebox · 29/06/2014 19:48

I'm not being a pedant. I'm asking what is the question, because otherwise how are people supposed to answer?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/06/2014 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GemmaTeller · 29/06/2014 19:50

That sort of behaviour is why my exH is 'ex'.

Sometimes they are so selfish and childish. And of course, none of its his fault is it, somewhere along the line you're being the unreasonable one.

My ex used to:
Go out for a drink straight from work on a Friday......and pitch up sometime on Saturday.
Go out for a drink after football on Saturday and roll up sometime on a Sunday.

In the end I used to ignore him, not bother trying to find out where he was and take my son out for the day.

GemmaTeller · 29/06/2014 19:53

That sort of behaviour is why my exH is 'ex'.

Sometimes they are so selfish and childish. And of course, none of its his fault is it, somewhere along the line you're being the unreasonable one.

My ex used to:
Go out for a drink straight from work on a Friday......and pitch up sometime on Saturday.
Go out for a drink after football on Saturday and roll up sometime on a Sunday.

In the end I used to ignore him, not bother trying to find out where he was and take my son out for the day.

DottyDooRidesAgain · 29/06/2014 19:53

To be fair to Grockle the OP has not stated a AIBU and considering that is the topic I think Grockle has a point.

ABIU to kick DP out? NO

AIBU to be angry? NO

Think I think you owe Grockle an apology for a unnecessary fuck off.

GemmaTeller · 29/06/2014 19:53

oops sorry for the double post!

newfavouritething · 29/06/2014 19:56

To make it easier for you Grockle, her dp went out for a long time, and she is not happy. Is it reasonable that she is not happy? Sometimes the OP doesn't have to actually write 'am I being unreasonable'.

Doingakatereddy · 29/06/2014 19:56

Grockle there's a website called nethuns or something. You'll have a ball there, off you go.

OP, it's rude, childish, inconsiderate and smacks I'm afraid of infidelity. Sack him and his mother right off

newfavouritething · 29/06/2014 19:57

And no, YANBU in your anger, it is a very thoughtless and selfish thing to do.

ApocalypseThen · 29/06/2014 19:58

Is it reasonable that she is not happy? Sometimes the OP doesn't have to actually write 'am I being unreasonable'.

In what world could she possibly be happy about it?

ApocalypseThen · 29/06/2014 19:59

Also, send him home to his mammy, OP. She's the girl for him.

DottyDooRidesAgain · 29/06/2014 20:00

Er why are you all ganging up on Grockle?
It was a reasonable question which warranted a reasonable answer.

There is a whole host of AIBU in the OP so which one was she specifically wanting to know as that would determine the answer.

Stop trying to bully people off the thread it is not big an it is far from clever.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling · 29/06/2014 20:00

Not on at all OP. so disrespectful and sends you a very clear message about what you mean to him. I.e: not even worth a text to let you know not to worry! In your shoes i would be considering whether what you give to the relationship is being reciprocated.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/06/2014 20:02

YANBU for

  • not speaking to him
  • being pissed off
  • being livid
  • kicking his arse out
  • wanting to get rid of him
  • etc
  • ad infinitum
Original poster
worriedathome · 29/06/2014 20:04

Sorry AIBU for just wanting him to just leave with this childish behaviour. I'm not a saint but ever since we have been together I have never done anything like he has today. I don't know if I want him to leave forever but he is just sitting down silent like he has done nothing wrong. I feel like such an idiot here thinking he would at least have something to say but I guess he never had anything to say last night so why would he now.

All he can say is he was fucked and it was just one night out. I just want him to leave for tonight and give me some space I don't want to cause a scene I'm not screaming and shouting actually I have shouted and he just sits there on his phone pretending to work. His refusal to even engage is making me more angry and making me look like I am being unreasonable. But how can I be if I done something like that he would be apoplectic.

OP posts:
hollycomputer · 29/06/2014 20:05

Ummm, kick him out? Really? If it was a regular thing then perhaps. If it was a one off I'd express my displeasure and that would be it.

Last week DH failed to come home until very late after an event and not answering my texts. I hadn't expected him to be out. My reaction was mild irritation and the next morning he was very apologetic (basically got talking and didn't hear my text). Having been in the same situation myself because we don't live in each others' pockets and do our own thing, I pouted a bit, he kissed me, apologised and made dinner the next night and that was it because we are grown-ups and accept that sometimes stuff comes up.