To not want DH to keep 'critiquing' my health and fitness regime?

[primarkprincess]

DH has always been rubbish at paying me compliments or saying anything nice but it always quick to offer 'constructive criticism' or 'suggestions' about how to do things better whenever I do anything....

We are currently away on holiday. I have spent the past few months, since we booked the holiday really, on a diet and exercise routine, and have really worked hard. I was feeling ok about myself and thought I looked good in my bikini etc.

Whilst I've been doing the healthy eating and exercise he has continually offered unhelpful 'suggestions' about how I could do things better (he eats crap and does no exercise himself btw), even though I've been happy with how I do things.

Then the other day he said that I look no different now to before I started it all :(

And now today he's made comments about how I normally eat the wrong things and eat too much in the evenings. Totally out of the blue and un-asked for.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? Like I said I was feeling ok about myself but now I keep looking at all the skinny twentysomething girls and thinking I must look like a right lardy lump.

Surely it wouldn't hurt him to give me a compliment? Or at least to keep his mouth shut when I haven't asked for advice

I think it's not coincidence that he picked up Insanity just like that. Other fitness programmes are on informecials as well, but he picked the one with the reputation of being the hardest one out there. So he probably has some weird plan of talking you into doing it and than watching you struggling with it and possibly even quitting it. But I actually think that after months of exercising you can nail it! (but I wouldn't do it just because it would look like he got his own way).
Just ignore him. Tell HIM to start doing Insanity now that he downloaded it, he's got no excuse to be couch potato any longer.

I did my workout this morning and as usual he kept looking at me with a smirk on his face, and making 'helpful' comments etc.

So I told him to fuck off and sort his beer belly out and that I didn't need his advice.

good. It's about time.

What did he say to that?

He said that I was very defensive and that he was trying to help.

Arsehole.

Based on your description, I don't think he sounds like someone who wants to help. He sounds more like someone who wants to knock all the confidence out of you and keep you feeling crap about yourself because he wants you that way.

Yes, I think you are right Hecate.

He can never ever say anything nice to me, or complimentary, he just seems to pick up on any faults and say them. It's really getting on my nerves

So we can now add gaslighting to destructive criticism sulking and pressure tactics.

Im willing to bet theres a bit of misogyny behind it too.
I bet he thinks that it doesn't matter what men look like but that women must make the effort to try and look like supermodels.

Git. Tomorrow morning, if he comes in to sit and watch, say 'Oh good, you've come to join in!'If he splutters, say 'Oh, is my routine too much for you to handle?' And to anymore comments, suggestions or advice on it, say 'Until you start doing some exercise yourself, I can't take anything you say seriously'. In between all this, I would seriously consider whether you want to live with Captain Bringdown for years to come.

This man does not like you. He is mean, unkind and wants you to fail. He enjoys putting you down. Is this really someone you want to be with?

OP do you think he is emotionally abusive?

This isn't about you, he's behaving this way because he's jealous or feels threatened, insecurity dressed up as concern.

Tell him to keep his opinions to himself and when you want tips about health eating and exercise you won't be soliciting advice from a slob.

I couldn't live like that.

You need to tell him that if he can't stop putting you down and being unsupportive then you will loose ....... ( his weight) of extra fat you don't need.

How are things today OP. I hope to Christ hes not still sulking.

When I see stories in the press about women who have lost weight leaving their husbands it usually has a mysogynistic spin put on it by the "journalist" especially if its the Mail. Usually how "she thinks shes better than him because shes lost weight and now she thinks she can do better etc etc ad infinitum.

But I wonder how many of these women left because because their partners began treating them like the OPs DH is treating her. Certainly food for thought (no pun intended)

Ive seen it myself. 21 years ago a friend of mine was losing weight and excersising Her h said "you will never keep it up" ( The same guy told me I would never get down to the weight that I was when I was 18 (I ended up getting down to what I was when I was 15)
They divorced six years ago.

" I used to be a fitness instructor"
And he dares to criticise you and stand there fucking smirking?

So, not only is he trying to destroy your body confidence, he's also trying to damage your professional confidence. What a git and an arsehole!