To not want DH to keep 'critiquing' my health and fitness regime?

[primarkprincess]

DH has always been rubbish at paying me compliments or saying anything nice but it always quick to offer 'constructive criticism' or 'suggestions' about how to do things better whenever I do anything....

We are currently away on holiday. I have spent the past few months, since we booked the holiday really, on a diet and exercise routine, and have really worked hard. I was feeling ok about myself and thought I looked good in my bikini etc.

Whilst I've been doing the healthy eating and exercise he has continually offered unhelpful 'suggestions' about how I could do things better (he eats crap and does no exercise himself btw), even though I've been happy with how I do things.

Then the other day he said that I look no different now to before I started it all :(

And now today he's made comments about how I normally eat the wrong things and eat too much in the evenings. Totally out of the blue and un-asked for.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? Like I said I was feeling ok about myself but now I keep looking at all the skinny twentysomething girls and thinking I must look like a right lardy lump.

Surely it wouldn't hurt him to give me a compliment? Or at least to keep his mouth shut when I haven't asked for advice

Start doing it back to him and see what he says then.
Ask him why he thinks he can make suggestions about looking after yourself when he clearly isn't.

Very perceptive comments above. I would certainly start directly asking him about his own weight - 'are you going to try that yourself then, because you're actually the one with the weight problem here, not me'.

FunkyBold - I'm a size 8 to 10 as well, but my DH does try to help with my fitness regime when I'm not doing things properly. Just because I'm slum it doesn't mean I always get the holds for weights, or arm positions for pull ups etc, right.

I'm not saying this is what's happening with the OP, by the way. Comments about not eating in the evening, or eating the wrong things, sound cruel rather than helpful.

I was merely suggesting that a DH having a view on his wife's fitness regime doesn't automatically make him a prick. Sometimes, uncalled-for help can actually be helpful. That is, if it is real help and not just snide comments.

Slim, not slum! Though the latter is prob true as well.

He sounds a bit like my FIL, who is currently criticising everything my MIL eats/doesn't eat (she's doing slimming world) after spending years criticising her for being overweight. Naturally he's no oil painting and his idea of a good meal is a cheese baguette.
He went so far as to bet her (actual money!) this week that she hadn't lost anything.
It's controlling and belittling.

An ex of mine was a bit like this. Used to make snide remarks about my weight loss, food and exercise.

I decided on a standard response and stuck to it. After 4 or 5 times he got the message.

" ha ha listen to fatty trying to give me advice"

OP, I'm sure you look great as you are! If you lost the dead weight that is your DH I'm sure you'd feel even better.

Years ago I knew a woman who was seriously overweight. Through sheer hard work with exercise and diet she lost a shed load of weight and her health improved dramatically.

Her husband's response to this?

He kept bringing home boxes of chocolates and takeaways in an attempt to sabotage her efforts. He was a real pr*ck to her about the weight loss.

Don't end up like this. Your DH is being very selfish in belittling you.

Personally I'd tell him to fuck right off. Cheeky bastard.

He sounds like a twat.

"Didn't ask for your advice" is your response EVERY time he tries to give it.

I would also start advising him on his eating/fitness. It's a horrible way to be to someone and I think he needs to know how it feels to be criticised like that.

YANBU, that would really piss me off.
ExDP turned up here with chippy chips the other day when he called to see the kids and offered me some, just realised maybe he is trying to sabotage my diet! (That I'm doing quite well on) from reading this thread

What a knob !. When it comes down to health & fitness its how you feel, not how your dickhead of a husband feels about it. I bet you look great.

Can you not respond and instead talk about what he's doing wrong with his diet.

MintyCoolMojito I like your post. It sounds to me like it could well be a combination of both A and B.

I reckon he knows that ur out of his league. As such he needs to keep your self esteem low to stop you finding a nice, better looking and richer specimen.

WhereYouLeftIt has it spot on.

Thank you everyone!

I've got my bikini on today and he hasn't said anything as yet or 'advised' me on anything today.

I am going to start pulling him up on everything he says about it and try to turn it back onto him.

Try

"Urgh! Its a good job I dont rely on you to feel good about myself!" And then flounce out of the room looking fabulous in your bikini.

He sounds a right prick.

Think.... Since when did flouncing win anyone any arguments?! The OP is "winning" already if she'sfit, healthy and slim. No childish flouncing required.

Sometimes, uncalled-for help can actually be helpful.

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Right. Let me just say, uncalled for advice isn't helpful, or intended as such. Ever. It's intrusive, is setting levels, it's patronising, it's failing to recognise that you are actually speaking to an adult.

That's what is remind him of, OP, that you are an adult, and he can use his unwarranted and unasked-for advice on himself.

I have one that tried to give me impromptu driving lessons. Regularly.

My winning technique was to pull over (when safe to do so) and say 'are you a qualified instructor? No? Then feel free to shut the fuck up. When I want a lesson I will book and pay for one with a qualified experienced professional. Get out and walk if you don't like it'

He thought that because he had a penis it qualified him to critique my driving ( and I am demonstrably better than him, I have had 20 years drivingwith no prosecutions and no collisions, unlike him)

Try a variant of this, I think it works because they like to be Right, and we are proving they are Not Right.

I think I'd say ' are you a qualified fitness instructor? A nutritionist? ......no? Fuck off with your shite advice then?

It is thoughtless and hurtful of your husband and I think he knows this. He must feel threatened by your health and fitness regime, especially as you are feeling better and seeing the results. He is putting you down to keep you in your place, he sounds awful and you are right to be upset....although it might be better to channel being angry rather than upset.

Good luck, I bet you look amazing in your bikini

Apocalypse - eh? Really?! You see, sometimes I find uncalled-for advice quite helpful. Like, in the example I quoted upthread, when my DH noticed I was doing press ups with my hands in completely the wrong position, and suggested I move them. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask for help, as i didn't realise I needed it.

Yes, sometimes people offering "helpful" advice are being patronising arseholes. And the OP's DH sounds like he falls into this camp. But sometimes helpful advice is just that - helpful.