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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DH to keep 'critiquing' my health and fitness regime?

91 replies

primarkprincess · 28/06/2014 15:17

DH has always been rubbish at paying me compliments or saying anything nice but it always quick to offer 'constructive criticism' or 'suggestions' about how to do things better whenever I do anything....

We are currently away on holiday. I have spent the past few months, since we booked the holiday really, on a diet and exercise routine, and have really worked hard. I was feeling ok about myself and thought I looked good in my bikini etc.

Whilst I've been doing the healthy eating and exercise he has continually offered unhelpful 'suggestions' about how I could do things better (he eats crap and does no exercise himself btw), even though I've been happy with how I do things.

Then the other day he said that I look no different now to before I started it all :(

And now today he's made comments about how I normally eat the wrong things and eat too much in the evenings. Totally out of the blue and un-asked for.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? Like I said I was feeling ok about myself but now I keep looking at all the skinny twentysomething girls and thinking I must look like a right lardy lump.

Surely it wouldn't hurt him to give me a compliment? Or at least to keep his mouth shut when I haven't asked for advice

OP posts:

Original poster

primarkprincess · 04/07/2014 21:23

We're home from the holiday now.

He was ok for the last few days of the holiday and first few days at home, but today he's pissed me off.

I've got back into my exercise routine and he suddenly decided today to download me the Insanity exercise DVDs. I am perfectly happy with the exercises that I currently do (DVDs and running, I used to be a fitness instructor), and didn't ask or want him to do this but he did it regardless. He then had the audacity to lecture me on how it needs doing on a daily basis and how I'd need to be 'dedicated' (WTF?! I am already!). And when he saw there was a fitness test bit he was really patronising towards me, as if he thinks I'm totally unfit.

I know he's projecting but he's really pissing me off.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/07/2014 21:30

So you told him to show you how and aced him at the test then?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 04/07/2014 21:30

He downloaded them, let him do them, ffs.

You know he downloaded them believing that you'd not be fit nough to keep up, and he'd then be able to take the piss out of you even more, don't you?

Just do whatever fitness regime you want. He's not the boss of you. And tell him to fuck off.

StickyEmInTheRibs · 04/07/2014 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

primarkprincess · 04/07/2014 21:39

He's in a sulk now because I said that I don't want to do the Insanity and that I am dedicated and happy with my current routine....

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/07/2014 21:42

Say you don't want to encroach on his Insanity routine. Whatever that is. My only routine is digging/weeding/gardening and that's pretty insane sometimes.

SanityClause · 04/07/2014 21:44

Oooh, sulking! I bet that's such a turn on.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 04/07/2014 21:59

Who ever recommended a daily routine? Every fitness routine I read or follow has rest days.....

He's talking out of his arse. Just remind him who the fitness instructor is in the family.

Original poster

primarkprincess · 04/07/2014 21:59

It's the way he lectured me about needing to be 'dedicated' to exercise, as if I just have been pissing about for the past few months half heartedly

OP posts:

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 04/07/2014 22:02

If he carries on just rinse and repeat, OP. Let him sulk while you carry on as normal.

Original poster

primarkprincess · 04/07/2014 22:03

I'm going to refuse to engage tomorrow when he starts banging on about it

OP posts:

Darkesteyes · 04/07/2014 22:22

he is being emotionally abusive now . (well he already was IMO ) I had a similar thing happen to me about 10 years ago.
Not my DH but a fellow slimming world member Id gone from 21 stone down to (11 stone at that point) and another member said to me "Well you really should be 10 and a half stone."

That was bad enough. But this is your partner doing this primark. It is past him just being an insecure sulk and into emotional abuse.

EverythingCounts · 04/07/2014 22:26

Either behave as if he has said nothing at all, or brightly ask 'What routine are you going to do?' And then leave his presence very quickly.

Oh, and whatever he does/knows a lot about, I'd start advising him on it. A lot. So if he's a health and safety officer, I'd start reminding him to put the matches away in the kitchen, and be careful when climbing stairs, and so on. It would give me a certain amount of childish satisfaction.

Mintyy · 04/07/2014 22:26

Omg he just sounds like such an unbearable arse. How can you stand it?

Preciousbane · 05/07/2014 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuppaHorlix · 05/07/2014 03:01

as someone who has struggled with my weight ever since having kids....this infuriates me. You have clearly worked SO hard and are continuing to do so. I am in a similar situation that I was really slim when DH and I met. I didn't gain much weight with my first 2 DC's but it's like all of that caught up with me for 3rd DC and I've struggled getting it off ever since. Luckily, my DH is fairly supportive. He can make the odd tactless remark but on the whole he is supportive.

I know how upset/angry I get from his silly comments here and there so I know I'd be LIVID and so hurt if my DH treated me like this! Sorry to sound harsh, I'm sure he's a great bloke most of the time but he's a bit of a wanker regarding this.

You're a size 8/10...you looked amazing in your bikini. You're working your butt off to regain your confidence...you finally feel confident in yourself..and all he can do is knock you back down...how you didn't throw a plate at him I don't know

CuppaHorlix · 05/07/2014 03:02

oh no that was my first attempt at strikethrough thought it just required either side! oops lol hmmm does this work??--

CuppaHorlix · 05/07/2014 03:05

Also how does he even know about Insaity? My eldest DC is big into fitness and goes to Insanity classes 3-4 times a week but it seems like something that only people who are "into" fitness really know about. If he isn't into health/fintess himself, does he take time out to google and research workouts? Does he do this just so he can make you feel bad for not doing the most "hardcore" workout? Or to lecture you on what's best? It's not like he's interested for himself.
I agree with Darkesteyes, this is emotional abuse

Glastokitty · 05/07/2014 03:16

He sounds absolutely awful OP. I really don't know how you put up with it! I bloody wouldn't!

MrsJossNaylor · 05/07/2014 07:03

Cuppa - Insanity workouts are very common, right? They're hardly "niche" any more. In fact, my gym has changed the name of Insanity classes now.

OP - you can have fun with this. Sit on sofa, watch him do the workout, and laugh....

WallyBantersJunkBox · 05/07/2014 10:06

Cuppa the Insanity DVDs are plugged on the preprogram infomercials on ITV and Channel 4 every morning.

So sadly accessible for every "armchair expert".

Original poster

primarkprincess · 05/07/2014 10:13

I think he read about Insanity online....

He's still a bit sulky this morning but I'm just ignoring him and am going to do my morning workout as normal.

OP posts:

Darkesteyes · 05/07/2014 16:57

He is damaging your marriage by behaving like this. If it were me I could not bring myself to have sex with a partner behaving like this. I would be too resentful of his emotionally abusive behaviour.

Darkesteyes · 05/07/2014 17:02

In my family its my DM who has made EA comments about my weight.

She will sometimes ask "how did you get on this week" and sometimes I will gain a pound for no reason at all. And she will try to make something of it. But weight fluctuates and it can depend where you are in your cycle.
Ive lost just under 3 stone since last August.

OP his sulking is part of the abuse.

Darkesteyes · 05/07/2014 17:10

From the Womens Aid website.....

Emotional abuse

emotionMost domestic violence includes emotional abuse, which can include such tactics such as:
•destructive criticism, name calling, sulking
•pressure tactics
•lying to you, or to your friends and family about you
•persistently putting you down in front of other people

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