Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To renege on this offer

80 replies

whatnowstupid · 27/06/2014 12:55

Bought a property 8 years ago with ExP. He had limited funds so we bought as tenants in common 72% 28% with me having larger share. We are now splitting up, we have a dog. Because he kept banging on about would have to rent, couldn't share dog etc. I felt bad and offered to split our house sale proceeds 50/50. After a bit of "Oh no that's too generous", he accepted, found a flat and said he would be able to give me 10,000 back, then changed his mind at flat needs some work done. Since then he's still banging on about being hard done by, will I commit to having dog when he goes on holiday etc and generally making my life as miserable as he can (has very nasty streak). We are renting together until we both buyseperately (which was a mistake but seemed to make sense at the time. WIBU to change my mind. The amount I would be givng him is 73,000

OP posts:
CanaryYellow · 27/06/2014 13:38

I'll take the dog off your hands... for the bargainous fee of just £35k.

I'll PM you my bank details, you transfer the money and I'll even come and personally collect the dog today.

DoJo · 27/06/2014 13:40

Bear in mind that if you give him this money, you aren't giving it to the man that you were so in love with. You are giving it to the man he is today, who is trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad, and who wouldn't think twice about allowing your son to go without so that he didn't have to pull his finger out!

vinoandbrie · 27/06/2014 13:40

Renege.

whattheseithakasmean · 27/06/2014 13:41

Renege on the offer. You can pay for doggy day care, which will be a fraction of £73K over the dogs life and you won't have to get grief from your ex. Clean break.

SwedishSheepHerder · 27/06/2014 13:41

No way I'd move out of a house I own nearly 3/4 of, making my child move but leaving a cocklodger to live the high life there.

Have you stopped paying his share of household bills now you've split up? You aren't doing his laundry and cooking his dinner are you?

Can you kick him out? Or buy him out? He's going to have to rent anyway so he might as well get on with it now. Even a quick sale takes weeks to complete.

whereisshe · 27/06/2014 13:41

Why do you feel bad? I don't understand. He's an adult, you had a partnership where he benefited (it doesn't sound like he's made any real sacrifices along the way), you're now splitting up. Why would you owe him anything? If you want to treat him like a child, fine, but do acknowledge that you're babying him.

Original poster
whatnowstupid · 27/06/2014 13:41

Thanks for your replies, I'm at work so must do some now! I know it's stupid 92 doesn't buy anything where we live

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 27/06/2014 13:44

Yes but how is that your problem, whatnow? It's his problem, not yours.

MaidOfStars · 27/06/2014 13:47

I know it's stupid £92k doesn't buy anything where we live

He doesn't' need to be able to buy a flat/house for £92k, he needs to be able to secure a mortgage with a £92k deposit. I'd be surprised if that deposit, combined with a regular income, isn't sufficient for a place of his own.

HavanaSlife · 27/06/2014 13:50

Nooo keep the money for your child it doesn't sound like he would do it for you if the shoe was on the other foot.

And don't go down the line of sharing the dog or having it for him if he's away, it's better to have a clean break.

rubadubstylee · 27/06/2014 14:02

I want to add to the chorus of no to 50%.

Is it as simples as just sticking to the 28/72% split though? Could he claim to have paid bills/food/expenses over the 12 years? No way would I do the 50/50 split but I might consider 35/65 maybe? Depends how much of a knob he is really...

lavenderhoney · 27/06/2014 14:16

I'm quite open mouthed at your generosity to someone whom when you bought you did the right thing with tenants in common and presumably were in love, but sensible with your money.

Now, you are not in love, he's being awful and you are not together and you want to give him more money than he is entitled to.

Don't do it. Who knows what's round the corner. And its your sons money as well! He won't be too happy when he is older and struggling and you say " sorry I gave away thousands to some bloke to look after the dog"

Say you've seen the lawyer, and have taken advice and will be keeping to the original split. He can keep the dog, or you have it or rehome it. Your ds is worth more than the dog! If he makes a fuss, well, he hasn't a leg to stand on legally and you can refuse to see him.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/06/2014 20:11

I know it's stupid £92k doesn't buy anything where we live

So fucking what?! His problem. Not yours.

ItsDinah · 27/06/2014 20:36

If you make this gift to him it will eat into your Nil Rate Band for Inheritance tax. As a lone parent I think this has to be a major consideration and I think it would be highly irresponsible of you to make this gift. If you can afford to give £73,000 away it should be going into a trust to protect your son if you die before he grows up and to minimise the final inheritance tax bill on your estate. If you are feeling sentimental a donation to the Battersea Dogs Home would get a tax charity exemption.

MaryWestmacott · 27/06/2014 20:42

You are going to give him £73k so he can look after the dog??? You know you can pay people to look after dogs don't you? Keep the £73k, pay a local student to walk your dog. sorted.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2014 20:45

Are you on glue? See a solicitor.

CottonbudCatastrophe · 27/06/2014 20:55

£92k doesn't buy anything where we live

And that's your problem because...?

Why are you considering giving your nasty XP a massive chunk of money for a house? Did he always rely on you to bail him out & pay his way? Why are you still doing it now? Do you really think so little of yourself & your son, that you come second to this man, even now?

annielouise · 27/06/2014 21:09

You owe him nothing. You're splitting up. you must look after yourself and your DS. You don't know what's round the corner in life and you dont' want to look back and think I wish I'd never given him that money as I'm ill and can't work or DS is ill or one of you has an accident. Anything can happen in life. Keep your money for your own security. You could reach 60 and need to retire then through ill health but wouldn't be able to as you gave a man your money! Not even a current man, an ex!

ENormaSnob · 27/06/2014 21:20

You are really stupid if you go through with giving him 50/50.

Poosnu · 27/06/2014 21:20

Please don't do this. Your DS will need this money in the future.

LemonBreeland · 27/06/2014 21:25

Seriously, along with everyone else on this thread, don't do it. He doesn't deserve it. He is not your problem.

Coconutty · 27/06/2014 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bouttimeforwine · 27/06/2014 21:29

You should both get your initial deposits back then split the capital gain by 50%. That's more than fair.

MaryWestmacott · 27/06/2014 21:39

Bouttime - why should they spilt the profit 50/50 when they don't own the house 50/50? The OP will be losing out by quite a lot.

Her exP thought it was fair when they bought the house, that was the point to make a complaint about it. Put another way, if the house was in negative equity and the mortgage provider wanted them to pay back the difference between the house value and loan, would the exP be prepared to take on more than 28% of the debt to be 'fair' to the OP?

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/06/2014 21:49

"You should both get your initial deposits back then split the capital gain by 50%. That's more than fair."
Actually, it's so much more than fair that it's not fair at all!

"Made a comment when we bought the property that he would not leave his share to me as he didn't want my son to have it."
So, say he had been run over by a bus - his 28% would have been left to someone other than you, you'd have had to sell up to give them their share of your home? Shock I'd have considered splitting up with him then and there

"I have always paid for most things."
Now, to me, this point is pretty crucial. He has not paid into the household on equal terms to you, so IMO that 72/28 split has been maintained throughout your relationship. You have always contributed more. (And I suspect that contribution was more than financial too.)

"if I dont give him the money he will not be able to afford to buy. I wan't dreaming of changing my mind but he's been so nasty " (my bolding)
And for that, he deserves £73k? Really?

"I know it's stupid 92 doesn't buy anything where we live"
But it's one whacking great deposit!

OP, if you give him more than his 28% share I will come round there and slap you myself Shock! If it makes it any easier, who would you rather have this money - your ex or your son?

Swipe left for the next trending thread