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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To renege on this offer

80 replies

whatnowstupid · 27/06/2014 12:55

Bought a property 8 years ago with ExP. He had limited funds so we bought as tenants in common 72% 28% with me having larger share. We are now splitting up, we have a dog. Because he kept banging on about would have to rent, couldn't share dog etc. I felt bad and offered to split our house sale proceeds 50/50. After a bit of "Oh no that's too generous", he accepted, found a flat and said he would be able to give me 10,000 back, then changed his mind at flat needs some work done. Since then he's still banging on about being hard done by, will I commit to having dog when he goes on holiday etc and generally making my life as miserable as he can (has very nasty streak). We are renting together until we both buyseperately (which was a mistake but seemed to make sense at the time. WIBU to change my mind. The amount I would be givng him is 73,000

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyQS · 27/06/2014 13:21

He wont give you 10k.

You are willing to give him 74k. (madness)

If the contract was the other way around, do you think HE would have given you 74k?

SwedishSheepHerder · 27/06/2014 13:21

Strike out vs bold error. Must get more sleep.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 27/06/2014 13:22

gosh a difficult one, I think as you have a on who I'm taking isn't your xp's, that I would stick with the 28% that he is owed.

You have a legal contract stating that he has claim on only 28%, I believe that if you had married that this would have changed in the eyes of the law but as you weren't married then nothing changes.

Instruct your solicitor to give him his 28% in full and final settlement, don't give him forwarding details and change numbers/block his if he is likely to become argumentative/abusive. Ibet if it was the other way around he wouldn't give you more than was stated legally.

GloriousGoosebumps · 27/06/2014 13:22

I certainly wouldn't be giving £73k to someone who was making my life a misery. Move out of the rented accommodation and tell him you have changed your mind re the gift of the money. You say he has a very nasty streak and is currently banging on about being hard done by, it sounds as though he's campaigning for more than 50% of the proceeds. He's learnt that he can bully you so you must escape his clutches. And don't get involved in any arrangements re the dog or the ex will always be part of your life and making it a misery.You can communicate via solicitors.

MaidOfStars · 27/06/2014 13:23

Did he not have to prove to his new mortgage providers that the 50% proceeds from the house sale were his based on more than a verbal offer from you?

Joysmum · 27/06/2014 13:23

Pay for the dogs insurance. Job done.

Original poster
whatnowstupid · 27/06/2014 13:24

He had a mortgage on his own on our property and did repay that from his own income but I've helped loads as he was usually in low paid jobs, doing a bit better now. if I dont give him the money he will not be able to afford to buy. I wan't dreaming of changing my mind but he's been so nasty, if someone gave me 73k I'd be over the moon!

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyQS · 27/06/2014 13:26

He thinks you owe him, regardless of how much money he gets. He wont stop being nasty. Ever.

lucidlady · 27/06/2014 13:27

He sounds like an arse. Don't do this OP.

VodkaJelly · 27/06/2014 13:27

Then he thinks he has you over a barrell. He can be as nasty as he likes and you will still do as he says - pay him £73K. If someone was offering me £73k more than I should be getting I would be treating them nice as pie so they dont change their mind.

Surprise him, tell him that he is only getting 28% and his mortgage worries are his problem. He doesnt HAVE to buy, he can rent.

lucidlady · 27/06/2014 13:28

Think about it this way - has he shown any concern for you being on your own with your son? Has he tried to make things easier for you?

MaxPepsi · 27/06/2014 13:28

No, stick to your original plan please.

It appears he has nothing to deserve the equal split, apart from play on your on conscience, something he's bound to know about if you've been together so long.

He's getting £92k - that is more than enough and in this climate is bloody good return by anyones standards!

DanaBarrett · 27/06/2014 13:29

No, no, no, no, no! My ex tried also tots with me to screw more cash out of me when he left me for another woman two weeks before our booked wedding. Within 24 hours of finding out he was withering on about 50/50 (diff circs and actually he was entitled to 50/50, but I got some very good advice on what I could deduct ;)).

Give him EXACTLY what he's entitled to, no more, no less. £92k should be more than enough for his new studio apartment. This isn't love, this is business now. Put your work face on and crack on with it. He wanted to protect his share from your son, that's fine, but that also means your son gets YOUR share. Tell him you've taken advice and the original agreement is the best one to use as obviously there was less emotion involved. (And I'm still pissed I had to gives ex £2k lol).

QuintessentiallyQS · 27/06/2014 13:29

Look upon it as giving him your sons 74 k. Will that help?

Will you end up with a smaller property because you are giving him more?

SwedishSheepHerder · 27/06/2014 13:31

Who would you prefer to help buy a flat: a) your son in a few years time or b)your bully boy ex now?

Decision easier now?

VodkaJelly · 27/06/2014 13:32

This doesnt apply to London and the South East but in my area you can buy a lovely house outright for £92k. A semi or lovely huge terrace. Why does he need to max himself out on a mortgage?

Waltermittythesequel · 27/06/2014 13:32

DO NOT DO THIS.

Find a dog minder, give him his 28% and be done with it.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL BAD ABOUT.

QuintessentiallyQS · 27/06/2014 13:32

And if neither you nor your son need the money, give it to me instead. I promise I am nice! Wink

SwedishSheepHerder · 27/06/2014 13:33

Are you scared of telling him you are sticking with the 28%?

MaidOfStars · 27/06/2014 13:34

Are you scared of telling him you are sticking with the 28%?

I think the OP said they are still cohabiting, so I guess it would be awkward, to say the least...

OP, can you not move out?

softlysoftly · 27/06/2014 13:35

You are absolutely insane. DO NOT GIVE HIM MORE THAN IS LEGALLY HIS.

He was horrible about your son.

You are giving away money your son could have.

Thumbwitch · 27/06/2014 13:36

I think you're cracked, tbh. Yes, you're throwing away money for your DS, the one whom he didn't want to leave anything to - and throwing it to a whiny whingy git who has no savings.

Please don't do it. It's ridiculous.

londonrach · 27/06/2014 13:37

Still with original deal no more no less. If he bullies you re dog who feeds, walks and spends time and pays for the dog. Who ever foes that gets the dog....

CSIJanner · 27/06/2014 13:38

DO NOT GIVE HIM THE 50%. Keep it and invest it for your children.

If he asks, tell him you deducted for all your financial supplement when together plus he was being fined for each time he was being a cock.

Thumbwitch · 27/06/2014 13:38

Do take proper legal advice on this, for goodness' sake.

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