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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that expressing anti-red hair views is still seen as okay

254 replies

GnomeDePlume · 26/06/2014 20:51

but is very, very wrong

DD(14) came home absolutely fuming having witnessed a red-headed girl of around 8 being verbally abused by a boy of around 10 while the mum of the boy told the girl to 'take the joke' even though the girl was very distressed. Fortunately the girl's brother rescued her.

DH is red-headed and believes that anti-red hair sentiment has become more common in recent years. Possibly because abusing somebody about the colour of their skin can get them arrested. Abusing somebody about the colour of their hair is seen as a fair target.

I dont get it. I have witnessed someone absolutely rip into a colleague, abusing him and his children (all red-headed) and this man could not see that what he was doing was wrong.

OP posts:
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TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 27/06/2014 10:13

My partner has red hair and had the misfortune of growing up with a surname that rhymes with carrot.

It was very annoying when our first was born and we took him around and the first words out to my partner by someone was "thank god he doesn't have your hair". And people going on about them looking like me when they all look pretty much like their father down to the skin tone, just have less red in their hair (and my hair is charcoal brown).

I did have the opposite once, one guy going on about how redheads are descended from Picts and are the true people of this island and so on. He didn't seem to like me telling him that redheads, like every other hair colour, are found all over the world in every race with varying gene combinations (showing that it evolved separately among many groups, not just the Picts getting frisky with everyone Wink ), that there was nothing particularly connecting Brits or even White Europeans and red hair or blonde hair as he seemed to think.

kentishgirl · 27/06/2014 10:25

I was delighted to discover OH is a ginge. He has grey hair, so I didn't find out till we got 'friendly'. It's my favourite colour, loads of gingers in my family, all the men I love most in the world are ginger.

I don't get the prejudice at all, unless it's disguised jealousy. Red hair is so beautiful. I love the way it shines in the sun.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 27/06/2014 10:32

DH is not really liking having red hair at the moment, he's going very grey now and is starting to look like a ginger badger.
The cries of 'IceGiants it's going white' can be heard emanating mournfully from the bathroom in the evening..

Notso · 27/06/2014 10:36

I have had nothing positive comments about DS2's ginger hair. We have got four DC and I hoped at least one would have red hair, I am equally a bit gutted none of them have got really dark hair like me, considering I thought dark hair was dominant.
DH is virtually bald now but his beard and other body hair is ginger, he never had any negativity growing up. His sister did, although she dyes her hair blonde now. It was her who told me to call DS's hair ginger, to make it a positive thing.
My Grandma said to me in very hushed tones, when I was pg with DC1 "what if it's ginger", I laughed my head off and said "well at least I'll be sure it's DH's".

aquashiv · 27/06/2014 10:39

This is a stealth boast of having red hair - right?
We all know how superior red heads are and how many people are jealous of red heads.

GnomeDePlume · 27/06/2014 10:50

aquashiv - not for me, no. I am actually posting quite seriously. DD was very upset at what she saw and heard.

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SmashleyHop · 27/06/2014 11:06

Now that I think of it- the only negative comments I have gotten about DD is that I should/shouldn't put her in certain colored clothing. She was sporting a pink dress that my mom had sent her and an older women came over and told me how lovely her hair was but not to put a red haired girl in pink. "It doesn't suit her- greens and blues for her I think." I was a bit Shock and just smiled at her but inside I was "I will stick her in what ever color I feel like lady!"

ComposHat · 27/06/2014 11:09

yanbu it is the accepted face of racism

It isn't 'racism' - it is stupid, nasty and narrow minded. But then so is teasing someone about wearing glasses or having sticky out ears.

If you really think it is 'racist' ask yourself this in the past 50 years how many ginger haired people have been?

Set upon in the street by NF 'ginger bashing' gangs

Disproportionately stopped and searched by the Police as a result of 'ginger profiling'

Had signs placed in guesthouses that read 'no gingers need apply'

Had next door neighbours up in arms if you sell the house to a ginger haired family.

Try telling a Black Briton of the Windrush generation that the unpleasant teasing you've suffered has any equivalence with what they've experienced in their lifetimes and see what their response is.

OleOleOle · 27/06/2014 11:13

My dd is ginger (she hates the term red head). Her hair is stunning, glossy copper red with sparkles. We've taken the piss out of her for being ginger all her life, not nastily but a good natured ribbing. By doing this she now has all the answers for big boys at school who try to start that shit with her. She's proud of her hair, and rightly so.

Chorister · 27/06/2014 11:38

Another ginger here. And today sporting my GINGE t-shirt!

My mum and dad call me ginger, as an affectionate nickname, and growing up to take the sting out of it if anyone else called me it. I did get a wee bit of piss taking at high school but nothing I couldn't handle. But where I live (west coast of Scotland) it's not unusual to see a red-head. I have loads of relatives and fiends with various shades of red hair.

I must admit to being a wee bit disappointed that neither of my children inherited the ginger hair (especially DD as she has the most beautiful curls!) but they have the ginger gene so you never know I may have ginger grandchildren one day!

My hair has darkened down over the past few years, so I have it coloured to make it nice and red! I have very dark eyes, dark lashes and brows and pale freckley skin. DH is a complete gingerphile so he loves my hair and complexion, which is the polar opposite of his dark hair and sallow skin!

Mandy2003 · 27/06/2014 11:41

YY Composhat!!

Going back upthread to the "is it fear" thing - I've heard anti-redhead abuse in England put down to a fear of Vikings, going back to the invasions hundreds of years ago.

And with the popularity of red shades of hair colour, does anyone that was not born a redhead but chose that colour ever get abuse? I'm inclined to think not, but don't know why.

juliascurr · 27/06/2014 11:42

agree, it's acceptable racism

WorraLiberty · 27/06/2014 11:45

And with the popularity of red shades of hair colour, does anyone that was not born a redhead but chose that colour ever get abuse? I'm inclined to think not, but don't know why.

Because it's quite likely they won't have ginger eyelashes/eyebrows, pale skin and freckles?

I really don't think it's the colour per se that people don't like...but the whole shebang IYSWIM?

gotnotimeforthat · 27/06/2014 11:46

julia can you explain to me how it is racist?

it's wrong i agree but racist?

GnomeDePlume · 27/06/2014 12:17

I dont believe that it is racist (people with red hair arent a race) what I do think is that it is perceived as an 'acceptable' prejudice which people feel comfortable expressing. No, you do not see the levels of discrimination which were in place even up until quite recently. What you do see though is that people feel free to express their prejudice very personally to parents and to children.

The language used in expressing that prejudice is language of hate. Substitute a racial term of abuse in place of 'ginge' and the the people expressing their hate would be staring down the barrel of a criminal prosecution and rightly so.

What concerns me is parents feeling that it is okay to express that hate whether themselves or their children.

OP posts:
tearsofrobertsmith · 27/06/2014 12:32

In a local paper last weekend a journalist included in his column thoughts on Vikings. He said ( I paraphrase) that the Vikings introduced many things to the north of Scotland including rape, thieving, red hair, freckles, multiple sclerosis and cancer. I couldn't believe what I was reading, the way he suggested that red hair and freckles were as negative as rape and cancer. The mind boggles.....

OleOleOle · 27/06/2014 12:33

Red heads are not a race.

rugbychick · 27/06/2014 12:40

My 2year old dd is a light red head. I fear for her being bullied about it at school

redexpat · 27/06/2014 13:04

If you really think it is 'racist' ask yourself this in the past 50 years how many ginger haired people have been?

Set upon in the street by NF 'ginger bashing' gangs

Kick a ginger day

Had next door neighbours up in arms if you sell the house to a ginger haired family. Redheaded family forced to move

payout for harrassment

And what's happened to the competative redhead loving? Where's it gone?!

kentishgirl · 27/06/2014 13:47

'And with the popularity of red shades of hair colour, does anyone that was not born a redhead but chose that colour ever get abuse? I'm inclined to think not, but don't know why.'

I've died my hair red shades for donkeys years (from brown) and you never get a colour that looks quite natural, perhaps that's why? I have the white skin and freckles to go with it, so it's not that.

Bolshybookworm · 27/06/2014 14:28

I met someone at a baby group the other day who had shaved their newborns head to get rid of its ginger hair. I was Shock!
I'm strawberry blonde myself and was really hoping my daughters would inherit red hair from me rather than my husbands mousy brown

HibiscusIsland · 27/06/2014 14:32

It may not be racism but it is certainly prejudice that people suffer as a result of. As a high school teacher further up wrote "I am a teacher, and for the past 15 years at least anti-red bullying has been the most persistent, virulent and spiteful bullying I have come across."

HibiscusIsland · 27/06/2014 14:34

Blimey Bolshy. How long is the mum going to keep that up for? Shock Did she actually say that was why?

cricketpitch · 27/06/2014 15:17

Have red hair in the family - never experienced any negative stuff - ever.
Love red hair - have always wanted it. Have sometimes used dye but it looks ridiculous with my colouring/natural hair.

However ANY form of insulting, unpleasant teasing and prejudice is wrong. It's not what it is about it is about the attempt to belittle that should be stamped out.

themitch21 · 27/06/2014 16:54

I will never forget being heavily pregnant with my first child and overhearing a conversation between some of my work colleagues describing how devestated they would be if they had a baby born with ginger hair. Despite the fact that I have red hair myself and found this to be extremely hurtful, I also had to question the fact that ginger hair is what they would be concerned about. What about health complications etc? No, it turns out that a child being born with ginger hair is about the worst thing that can could happen to some people. They even went on to say they would dye their childs hair at the earliest opportunity.