to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

[LoonvanBoon]

Haven't read the whole thread but I'm with you, OP. I have identical twin boys & apart from the odd baby outfit (often bought by other people), I always dressed them differently.

Now they're 11 & they would never, ever choose to wear the same outfit. They feel quite strongly about the way that twins are sometimes portrayed almost as one person, & are always pointing out instances of this they've come across in books etc. They don't like to see other twins dressed identically, & if I point out that maybe the children wanted to wear the same outfit, they tend to be disbelieving!

[LoonvanBoon]

Oh, & on the present issue, I've always bought two presents - as Trying says, it's hardly fair to expect other people to buy them each a present if you don't do the same thing.

[grocklebox]

Seriously? For fucks sake, feel sorry for children living on poverty, feel sorry for children living with cancer...you know, real shit? Who gives a shiny shite if twins are dressed the same or different? Could it possibly matter less? Its how you raise them that matters, not what clothes you dress them in.
My brother and I were dressed identically as children. We really have no problems differentiating ourselves, what with the obvious being different people thing and all.....

[TheSarcasticFringehead]

I can feel sorry for kids who aren't allowed sweets at parties (for example) or can't watch TV or feel they aren't being allowed to be individual or any number of more trivial things, at the same time as feeling sorry for people with completely shit times of it.

[Snatchoo]

I have identical twin boys. They sometimes want to dress the same, so they do. They are five now so get some input into their clothing choices.

When they were littler though, we had similar but not matching outfits. Oh - I tell a lie - they had matching white dungarees with ducks on for a wedding when they were five months old.

They got really annoyed and told the teacher at school when someone called them the other name the other day! They are in the same class, but there's only 10 of them (speech and language unit) so they each have had the opportunity to get to know their teacher really well.

I find it a bit odd that people judge so harshly on this subject - I don't especially like babies and small children in football strips but on the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't hurt anyone does it?

[grocklebox]

Well don't. Different small, meaningless parenting decisions don't necessitate your pity. Watch a soap opera or something if you need that judgy emotional release.

[LoonvanBoon]

grocklebox, the problem is that identical twins are sometimes not treated as different people. My two regularly have to cope with this, & it ranges from dinner ladies making daft comments: " Are you sure you want sweetcorn? Your twin didn't want any" to teachers only ever giving them merit awards at the same time.

My mum often dressed my sister & me in similar clothes, but there was 3 years between us & we were obviously different. It's trickier for twins. My boys could give you example after example of this. They feel that dressing differently at least gives the message that they don't like all the same things & are individuals.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

I wouldn't be able to resist it now and again, I don't think.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

haven't read the whole thread so this might have been mentioned but how do you tell identical twins apart from the day they're born?

[NoodleOodle]

I don't see anything wrong with it when they're too young to know any different, and if they want to when they're old enough to choose.

I can see how it works out conveniently in some cases. Like, if buying babygrows and finding ones you like at the right price, a couple of multipacks would be easier than hunting out individual different ones, especially if you're looking at a budget range or special offer, where there's often little choice.

[LoonvanBoon]

Vampyre, they're often different weights & may have different markings etc. - anything that depends on how they've developed in the womb, as opposed to genes, can be different. One of my boys had a much flatter head than the other - he'd been squashed up against my spine!

Apparently there are greater differences in birth weight between indentical twins than non-identicals, but then they become more similar over time, whereas non-identicals become more different.

[5madthings]

I don't like it but as kids get older they may choose to do it?

I have four boys and have never dressed them the same.

At my ante natal group there was a mum with twins and she always dressed them the same and if one got dirty and needed changing she would change both so they still matched! Talk about making work for yourself!

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

loonvan thanks for answering - I've always wondered, I thought their parents must get them mixed up all the time.

[grocklebox]

and that has nothing to do with their clothes. If idiots treat two people as one, they will do it no matter what they are wearing. And vice versa.

[Igggi]

They will spend most of their time in school when they're old enough and look exactly the same in uniform! I teach four sets of twins at the moment. I do my best but I can't always get their names right.

[Bluetroublethree]

I have "Irish triplets" all boys, twins and another one with a v v small gap. They look cute when they match and sometimes they want to, sometimes they don't so they wear what they like. In crowds or public places where they might get lost I put them in the same coats so I can see them. And the same tops at softplay.

Those who don't like it, pull your judgey pants from up your crack, it's a logistics and safety thing.

[DilysMoon]

It makes me twitchy when I see same sex siblings dressed the same, twins or not. I can't explain why and know it's my issue but i don't get it .

[SoonToBeSix]

I have ID twin girls I dress them the same , am confident they won't think they are looking in a mirror when they see their sister.
How about just bringing your twins how you choose( I couldn't care less how you dress your children) and stop judging others?

[SoonToBeSix]

That was too the Op

[Bluetroublethree]

Re parties I send one smaller present per child. And their parties, they've always got a small present each, apart from one epic fail from a relative who expected them to "share and take turns" on a little ride-on bike. We had to go out and buy another two just to avoid Armageddon.

[frankie001]

I'm a twin, we were never dressed identically. If people wanted to buy us clothes, my mother would ask that if they were the same to at least be different colours. We were never in these outfits at the same time. I liked not being dressed the same. We did have to wear name badges at school though else we couldn't be told apart. (And we would occasionally swap these over!)

[Bluetroublethree]

I think twins that have matching names are weird. There, I've said it.

[nutdust]

OP back.
its interesting to read the posts. the defensive ones from folk who choose to dress their id twins the same are sort of what i expected- a bit defensive and angry sounding, which is precisely why i dont feel able to express my views/ask my questions to other twin mums in RL! But because my two are still preschool, i hadnt really thought about what will happen when they are old enough to chose their clothes, and all my careful reasoning might go out of the window if they really do want to look the same. its really inteteresting to hear how some young twins do so occasionally, for comfort & reassurance.
i cant totally see how others who dont have id twins dont give a hoot- i never gave twins & what they do a second thought before i had them. and i do think its not quite the same issue for siblings of different ages because they have a fundamental difference that means, ultimately, they will never be mistaken for each other.

[Moggy72]

Seriously ?? I am a twin and I have twins boys. They are identical and I always dress them alike. That does not mean I am treating them unfairly or denying them individual indentities. When they get older around 5, I expect they'll dress themselves differently. Quite perturbed by the fact that somehow dressing twins alike is being viewed as bad parenting .. I mean seriously there are far bigger issues to worry about in life.

[SoonToBeSix]

I am not angry nut, I just think you are rude.